Venting vent

[39hatsune]

hello, i just want to see what others think of this and whether my feelings about it are justified..

during my last attempt, my boyfriend had found out. it was an overdose. while we were at the hospital he was very very loving and said things like he'll be with me forever and he loves me very much (he denies saying this lol) . though shortly after, he was very cold and told me that he'll only stay together with me to make sure i dont kill myself and that he'll leave when i get better ?? we've had many many issues in the past but this absolutely stood out to me it doesnt make any sense at aall ?? like what a dumb thing to say how am i supposed to get better like that

aside from that i often think about taking my life and addressing the note to him but i feel like that would be horribly selfish if i am really overreacting about verything hes done. deep down i know that he is the problem, though somehow, he always makes it out to be me EVERY TIME. I cant talk about my feelings with him because it stresses him out, i have to deal with panic attacks myself because when it happens around him, he drags me around and yells at me to stop crying and get up because it 'stresses him out' . and honestly, i completely understand him. it genuinely must be a huge burden to deal with someone like that, even though i stopped telling him my feelings long ago. typing this out, it really does seem horrible, but he is not always like this. when hes nice, its really good. i just have to be careful with what i say or do to keep it that way. i really do love him so so much, i am like half conscious of the fact that he is kinda abusive, but i will never leave. the only way out is for one of us to die and its not gonna be him lmao

if he ever found this my life would genuinely be over. i struggle deciding whether he is an abuser, or if its maybe me and im making this stuff up in my head . he says its me but i really dont understand the way he treats me sometimes, i dont know what i do wrong anymore. there is so so so much more i could say about him . i really am just so tired. its not even just him. even if he wasnt here, im just so tired with life, i have no idea what im doing and i feel like im destined to be nothing but a failure, not matter what i do

i really just want to go to sleep and not wake back up

 

[sanctionedusage]

i dont think ive ever read a post on sasu about someone's s/o and not felt immediate gratitude for being a loveless virgin

in all seriousness, i think its safe to say if youre posting about your bf on sasu, he is likely a disgusting person and you need to leave immediately

 

[39hatsune]

i dont think ive ever read a post on sasu about someone's s/o and not felt immediate gratitude for being a loveless virgin

in all seriousness, i think its safe to say if youre posting about your bf on sasu, he is likely a disgusting person and you need to leave immediately

yeah you are probably right, we have broken up many times things are going well at the moment, i just felt a need to post because i cant get some of the things he did out of my head . though i hope this time will be different
and i hope you will find a kind person that loves you very much one day, if thats what you want

 

[sanctionedusage]

yeah you are probably right, we have broken up many times things are going well at the moment, i just felt a need to post because i cant get some of the things he did out of my head . though i hope this time will be different
and i hope you will find a kind person that loves you very much one day, if thats what you want

all he's gonna do is make you worse. youre not giving yourself a fair chance at life until you get away from him, and ideally surround yourself with people who actually do love and care about you. he actually sounds like a rancid cunt; i rly hope you can recover from the things he's done and said to you one day!