Hey y'all. I'm back after a long break. Just need a place to vent. Not looking for advice.
I've been having these unexplainable asthma attacks in the past month. Today I finally got checked out by a doctor and I don't seem to have any allergies nor do I have asthma. So right now no one can explain to me why the fuck I can't breathe. I've spent days just thinking That's it, I'm gonna die. And no one can tell me why the hell this is happening.
And worse of all - I feel like no one cares. I told my parents today and they were like Well maybe you don't have any allergies. Dude, me having allergies is the easy way out. If it's allergies, I can get medicine, I can remove the allergen, I can do something. Am I just supposed to be okay with feeling like I'm on the brink of death every other day? And why is no one else acting like this is a big deal. I CAN'T BREATHE. Surely people would take me seriously this time, right?
I'm so angry. Usually my mother gets so worked up whenever I get something as small as a cough but this time it's fine? Am I doing something wrong? Am I not communicating how distressing this is? It hurts. And it's scary. And to top it all off I have a fear of doctors and hospitals. When I went in today I was on the verge of tears the entire time. This is the 3rd doctor I've went to in the last 10 days. It's so scary. It's taking so much out of it. On top of that I can't sleep nor eat properly and I feel horrible all the time. I feel tired all the time but when I go to bed I can't fall asleep and then I can't stay asleep and I don't feel well rested. Melatonin doesn't seem to help much other than make me even more anxious cause now I can feel myself falling asleep while I can't breathe. Every time I try to eat something it just tastes rotten. I'm supposed to start university in 2 days. I might have to move out to check if I'm not allergic to my cats after all. I might not be able to take my kitty with me and she's so precious to me. And I can't leave her with my parents who hit her whenever she misbehaves. She's so so so smart she deserves a good life and she isn't getting it in this house. I just want to feel good. I want to be healthy. I don't want to be scared. I don't want to be tired or hungry. I'm so done
I've been having these unexplainable asthma attacks in the past month. Today I finally got checked out by a doctor and I don't seem to have any allergies nor do I have asthma. So right now no one can explain to me why the fuck I can't breathe. I've spent days just thinking That's it, I'm gonna die. And no one can tell me why the hell this is happening.
And worse of all - I feel like no one cares. I told my parents today and they were like Well maybe you don't have any allergies. Dude, me having allergies is the easy way out. If it's allergies, I can get medicine, I can remove the allergen, I can do something. Am I just supposed to be okay with feeling like I'm on the brink of death every other day? And why is no one else acting like this is a big deal. I CAN'T BREATHE. Surely people would take me seriously this time, right?
I'm so angry. Usually my mother gets so worked up whenever I get something as small as a cough but this time it's fine? Am I doing something wrong? Am I not communicating how distressing this is? It hurts. And it's scary. And to top it all off I have a fear of doctors and hospitals. When I went in today I was on the verge of tears the entire time. This is the 3rd doctor I've went to in the last 10 days. It's so scary. It's taking so much out of it. On top of that I can't sleep nor eat properly and I feel horrible all the time. I feel tired all the time but when I go to bed I can't fall asleep and then I can't stay asleep and I don't feel well rested. Melatonin doesn't seem to help much other than make me even more anxious cause now I can feel myself falling asleep while I can't breathe. Every time I try to eat something it just tastes rotten. I'm supposed to start university in 2 days. I might have to move out to check if I'm not allergic to my cats after all. I might not be able to take my kitty with me and she's so precious to me. And I can't leave her with my parents who hit her whenever she misbehaves. She's so so so smart she deserves a good life and she isn't getting it in this house. I just want to feel good. I want to be healthy. I don't want to be scared. I don't want to be tired or hungry. I'm so done
