Venting Just venting

[SmallKoy]

I hate the feeling of helplessness and like you can't do anything for yourself. I recently got two new kittens which is great and I love them but that has come with so many issues. I got sick, and now I'm dealing with a fungal infection in my ear. When I found out it was a fungal infection I wasn't able to get the medication I needed immediately and that night I was researching all about fungal infections and all I'm saying is I was 100% certain that night that I was gonna ctb because it's so fucking hard to deal with this pain and suffering both emotional and physical. I have the stresses of work, school and an alcoholic mother on top of anxiety and depression and autism and so much bs. Thankfully I can say I at least havent self harmed in a few months. But there have been so many nights I've thought about it. I just don't do it because I don't want to upset my boyfriend. Speaking of which, the night I had my anxiety attack about the infection and medication I stressed my boyfriend out so much because he had no idea what to do and the next day I was so embarrassed because I obviously don't want to make him feel so stressed. He was distant all day, I know he wouldn't break up with me for it but I feel like I don't deserve someone like him who puts up with my bs and drama.

I hope my medication works and this bullshit stops growing in my ear. Do not fuck with fungal infections. If you have pain in your ear please go see a doctor asap it's no joke. Goodnight everyone.