Utterly distraught

[cosmicsoleil]

I have tried SO hard to reach out for help recently. Bit of background:
I've struggled with my mental health since I was 14 (I'm now 26). Multiple psych hospital admissions and I've been in and out of mental health services since 24. I was discharged from all mental health services in 2020.

I was referred back to the mental health team earlier this year, and they refused to accept me. I'm on the wait list for EMDR but it's a long wait list. The crisis team don't give a shit.

Recently I've been trying so hard to get any sort of help. GP can't do anything, crisis team don't give a shit - last phone call the nurse ended it after 7 minutes, she couldn't get off the phone quick enough. I've been really struggling with drug addiction and have been trying to get in contact with the drugs team to self refer. I tried a few weeks ago over a few days, no-one answered the phone. So I emailed them, and the person was pretty rude, saying there's nothing she can do unless I ring. Today, I have rang the drugs team EVERY HOUR sometimes multiple times an hour since 10am (it's now 5pm). No-one has answered and now they're closed.

I'm done. This is a sign, I know it is. This life is fucking shit, I genuinely don't see a way through this anymore. I'm so sad it physically hurts

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly sounds like you've suffered so much, it's such a cruel existence, I'm sorry you have to suffer like that. But anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[cosmicsoleil]

It truly sounds like you've suffered so much, it's such a cruel existence, I'm sorry you have to suffer like that. But anyway I wish you all the best.

I just want some peace y'know? why bother sticking around when no professionals seem to care whether I'm alive or dead

 

[Imcantbreathe]

Professionals don't care one bit, I share what was on my mind with my Therapist and the police was called on me. I thought we were actually getting somewhere we took 40 steps back. Never went to see her again that

 

[cosmicsoleil]

Professionals don't care one bit, I share what was on my mind with my Therapist and the police was called on me. I thought we were actually getting somewhere we took 40 steps back. Never went to see her again that

That's awful I'm so sorry :( why the fuck did she call the police?! That's not okay. In my opinion, the police make things worse.
Totally agree when you say professionals don't care. They only seem to care when someone's dead.
My friend took her own life last year after screaming out for help. The crisis team had the audacity to say (they came out to see me and saw the photo of my friend on my wall) "ah yeah we knew her, we tried so hard to help her". Was ready to hit them, if they'd helped her she'd still be fucking alive

 

[Imcantbreathe]

I shared my CTB thoughts with her, but I shared those exact thoughts at a prior session. I felt after the third session she just saw me as a dollar sign an not cared about how I felt and what I wanted. She said I was danger to myself lol.. When I made it to the hospital the psychiatrist deemed me not a threat to myself so I free to go. Sharing the same thoughts and not changing any words, I called her office two days later leaving a voicemail telling her I was never coming back. The therapist called me 8-9 times about why I was dismissing myself from her when my depression is getting worse, she truly forgot what she did to me. I came to the conclusion not share my thoughts and feelings with anyone because no one actually gives a fuck