Discussion Using my planned CTB date to help me cope.

[isthisforreal]

Hello, I am a new user, I have been scrolling for a bit today and I I had a brief scroll through the threads on the suicide discussion section and couldn't really find anything on this, but I saw this short film a while ago about a man who uses the fact that he plans to kill himself as a way of coping with the day-to-day life he has. In the film, it shows how sometimes he will have a nice experience and extended his death date a little longer. I think I am falling into a position where I start to feel like this. My feelings towards dying is that I don't really want to do it, but I also don't see any possible way that I can continue to live as the person I am, and without getting into too many details for now because that is not the subject of this thread, I have decided the only way I can fix the situations I have created is to CTB.

I just wanted to ask if anybody else has any experience like this? I appreciate any and every person who may share their experience, and I will also browse more threads to see if there is discussion of this. But yeah, does anybody use their CTB date as a way to cope with what is going on right now? How do you manage this experience if you do? Do you find that the idea of being dead soon allows you to be more care-free?

So yeah I just thought I would make this post to perhaps ask and open a discussion on this topic. Thank you for reading and to anybody who interacts!

 

[isthisforreal]

Just wanted to share a bit about my own experience first in case anybody was reading this and wanted to get some insight for themselves too or perhaps wasn't sure what to write if they did want to interact with this. I just wanted to say that my own experience is that very recently I planned a date about 2 months away and I have given myself that time to start preparing and also it helps me feel much more at peace in a way, but I don't really know how to describe it. It feels like I can be more care-free because I know that I won't have to care at all soon. There is also this sense, kind of like in the short film I mentioned, that whatever I do might be the last one I ever do, so it makes it seem more appealing and more worth doing. I don't know how this will affect my plans to CTB if at all and I am interested to hear from other people. That being said, I don't know how other people are though, if it maybe makes them more anxious instead or something, or if they are more aware of the ways in which it helps them feel better. I was hoping to get some insight into how other people see this and perhaps implement that into my life as well, but I thought also sharing my experience would help both me and maybe other users.

 

[Scythe]

I've done this before, and I'm sort of doing it right now just to a lesser degree. So when I was more depressed a few years back I would tell myself everything would be over soon and because of that things don't matter. Though I mostly used it to motivate myself to do things because if I don't do it now, I might just never be able to.
Then my life got better, but I still have issues that I don't want to deal with for the rest of my life and can't fix easily. So I would still tell myself, it's okay, it'll be over soon.
I never really give myself extentions if I have a good day, I did give myself the possibility of an extension because there's things I want to do that I might not have time for.
TBH I don't really want to die either, I just rather die than submit myself to working. There's a few very specfic job options I accept but the chances of those are extremely low. Just how it is when captailism runs rampant.

 

[chemicalburns]

Sometimes I feel like that
"Just a few more months"
And it makes me feel better
Knowing the time I have here is short makes the time I spend with my friends feel more meaningful

 

[isthisforreal]

I've done this before, and I'm sort of doing it right now just to a lesser degree. So when I was more depressed a few years back I would tell myself everything would be over soon and because of that things don't matter. Though I mostly used it to motivate myself to do things because if I don't do it now, I might just never be able to.
Then my life got better, but I still have issues that I don't want to deal with for the rest of my life and can't fix easily. So I would still tell myself, it's okay, it'll be over soon.
I never really give myself extentions if I have a good day, I did give myself the possibility of an extension because there's things I want to do that I might not have time for.
TBH I don't really want to die either, I just rather die than submit myself to working. There's a few very specfic job options I accept but the chances of those are extremely low. Just how it is when captailism runs rampant.

this is so insightful thank you! i am so sorry this is true capitalism in these stages is so good at destroying lives and dreams :(
i think i am similar in using it to motivate myself to do things because like you said if i don't do it now i might never be able to, and also it might be the last so why not try it and enjoy it?
i hope this continues to help you be more at peace and i hope you can get to your dreams in jobs, whatever though i wish you happiness and comfort, thank you for your reply!

Sometimes I feel like that
"Just a few more months"
And it makes me feel better
Knowing the time I have here is short makes the time I spend with my friends feel more meaningful

I understand this, I think I am trying to tell myself this too. Sometimes I definitely struggle to tell myself that though and I let myself get overwhelmed and more depressed again, and I don't really know how to get around this, I think in my heart I am still quite scared, like Scythe said I don't really want to die, it is just the better option for me.
When I do tell myself that I find things become so much easier and it makes me enjoy and appreciate the time I have, even if it is doing something I would usually find painful, but definitely if it is something sweet like spending time with my friends and family.

 

[thereisnoneed]

Nietzsche — 'The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.'

 

[isthisforreal]

Just wanted to add in case anybody returns or just comes by this thread, and also ask a question. I am still honestly quite terrified of actually dying, but I fear that the need for my death is much more urgent than I would like it to be. I am considering already buying the things I need to actually do it, which I did not plan to do for a while yet. I thought that buying the actual things would make me more at peace, kind of like we discussed here in the thread and how therisnoneed summed up perfectly with the Nietzsche quote.

Nietzsche — 'The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.'

I find though that this action of buying the materials actually scares me more instead of comforting me more, I wonder why, perhaps it makes it more real which scares me because still I am not really ready? Anyway, I just wanted to share these thoughts and also ask if anybody else has felt similar or different to me if they are also in a situation where they are buying the things they need?

Edit - reformatted and added the quote