Venting useless lump that i am

[unendingempty]

I'm such a bad fucking person. I lied about graduating from college and the fallout has been astronomical. A bunch of my family still doesn't know and the guilt and shame eat me up inside every fucking day. I'm trying to finally finish my degree for real but I'm so fucking behind in one of my only classes this semester because I'm just a stupid piece of shit. My attention span is completely shot and the only thing I can think about is how much I want to die, how fucking burnt out and exhausted I am. My mental illnesses make me mean and unpleasant to be around, I don't understand why my partner hasn't left me and I wish they would because it would make killing myself so much easier if i knew they didn't care about me anymore. I am never going to amount to anything. I am never going to be able to get a job or support myself. I just know that everyone in my life resents me and would be better off without me weighing them down. I wish that someone would just come beat me to death, I don't deserve a peaceful way out.