Venting (Update) I failed to CTB.

[LastBusHome]

I was so close I could taste it but it was yet another failed attempt. Ratchet strap jammed something fierce and I couldn't tighten it all the way. Couldn't get the jam, well, unjammed either so I'm currently waiting to buy a new one just to be safe. Although the failure kind of left me feeling differently. I'm not quite sure how to describe the feeling with any degree of specificity but the closest I can get is "relief". I now know I can still go through with a premeditated plan to end my life. It wasn't impulsive. It wasn't improvised. It was a measured decision. Yet at the same time, idk. I almost feel over it too. I'm contemplating taking another shot at it tonight after I grab the new hardware yet at the same time I don't necessarily feel as strongly about it anymore. I feel so lost and confused. I also feel disappointed and kind of ashamed. Fingers crossed I get it right the second time.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

A failed attempt must feel incredibly painful, but there is no reason to be ashamed or disappointed for that. I also fear a failed attempt and that keeps me a little bit back. Whenever the time is right you may be successful should you still have the wish to CTB. I wish you all the best!

 

[Charlie-Bravo]

Feel for you, first ratched I bought was like 7 bucks, instantly broke, luckily while testing the ratched so no real attempt. Bought a more expensive ratched(20 bucks) in the car section of a hardware store. Much more sturdy and viable. Quality really matters!!!

Good luck, whatever way you choose

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing ctb sounds so horrible and is exactly what I fear, I hate how it's so difficult to die in this world. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.