Until I can CTB.

[LivingANDDying26]

I refuse to be just "sober". Personally addiction isn't one of my struggles but, I do use substances to get by. (I hold no judgment towards alone that struggles with addiction)

I've known for awhile whether its medication or some other substance.. I cannot just get by alone.

Right now im stoned off some edibles. The strain is good for PTSD and i feeeelll it.

I still want to CTB. I know i do not deserves living in misery before I CTB.

I have a lot of options legally and otherwise and will try to keep myself constantly on something.

I can't stand the day to day and there's no reason I have to anyway. This is a personal revelation. I've been letting the concept of what others/society define as "life", get in the way of me leading a life where im at least not drenched in misery.

Im gonna order shrooms next week. They are in that state of "legal but not yet" (like weed was a few years ago)
so easy to get here.


Day to say until I CTB, i just wanna be high and chilling. Watching something I enjoy and gaming or whatever. Listening to music. Not being disturbed and not disturbing anyone. That's all I want.

These days im watching anime... Hate the day to day and I know im not here for a long time. I don't wanna do anything with too much effort or pressure.

 

[Wrennie]

I refuse to be just "sober". Personally addiction isn't one of my struggles but, I do use substances to get by. (I hold no judgment towards alone that struggles with addiction)

I've known for awhile whether its medication or some other substance.. I cannot just get by alone.

Right now im stoned off some edibles. The strain is good for PTSD and i feeeelll it.

I still want to CTB. I know i do not deserves living in misery before I CTB.

I have a lot of options legally and otherwise and will try to keep myself constantly on something.

I can't stand the day to day and there's no reason I have to anyway. This is a personal revelation. I've been letting the concept of what others/society define as "life", get in the way of me leading a life where im at least not drenched in misery.

Im gonna order shrooms next week. They are in that state of "legal but not yet" (like weed was a few years ago)
so easy to get here.


Day to say until I CTB, i just wanna be high and chilling. Watching something I enjoy and gaming or whatever. Listening to music. Not being disturbed and not disturbing anyone. That's all I want.

These days im watching anime... Hate the day to day and I know im not here for a long time. I don't wanna do anything with too much effort or pressure.

We gotta do what we gotta do to get by. No judgement here.

They allow shrooms at your residential facility?

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm feeling exactly like you!
I hate to be sober. My panic attacks, depression and anxiety are just too much to handle.
The thing is, my hangovers are terrible but at least I manage to be happy for some hours.
Damn, life is so hard! I wish I could ctb soon.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

We gotta do what we gotta do to get by. No judgement here.

They allow shrooms at your residential facility?

Yes, I mean I have a lot of Freedom so they dont needa kno what I do but I was just discussing it with a staff here. If they had told me earlier I would've ordered some.

I wouldn't wanna do shrooms here if I have to hide it tho soo hopefully can order soon.

 

[Nodscene]

I know exactly how you feel and have the same point of view. In Canada there are places online where you can get shrooms and I took advantage of it as much as my finances would allow.

Sadly I can no longer take them as it causes my back pain to flare up so bad that no matter how many meds I take it doesn't put a dent in it. Maybe I abused them too much and my body is no longer able to tolerate it. In a way it makes sense as it is technically a poison but I really miss the truly wondrous visions and spiritual qualities.

Since I can't smoke weed anymore as I get anxiety I'm not left with too many other options. Basically drinking and blow but the latter is very expensive as well.

I guess my point is that I hope you can make the most of your situation and do whatever it takes to make the long and tedious days more bearable. Not only that but possibly even have times of enjoyment and to truly escape.

All my best.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

I know exactly how you feel and have the same point of view. In Canada there are places online where you can get shrooms and I took advantage of it as much as my finances would allow.

Sadly I can no longer take them as it causes my back pain to flare up so bad that no matter how many meds I take it doesn't put a dent in it. Maybe I abused them too much and my body is no longer able to tolerate it. In a way it makes sense as it is technically a poison but I really miss the truly wondrous visions and spiritual qualities.

Since I can't smoke weed anymore as I get anxiety I'm not left with too many other options. Basically drinking and blow but the latter is very expensive as well.

I guess my point is that I hope you can make the most of your situation and do whatever it takes to make the long and tedious days more bearable. Not only that but possibly even have times of enjoyment and to truly escape.

All my best.

Thank you for the reply. Im so sorry to hear that shrooms are no longer an option/your options are limited. I can relate to just leaning on booze and otherwise...

Its hard because a lot of things are not sustainable.... Financially and otherwise.

I hope you can find some relief and enjoyment as well ❤ physical pain is no joke and I hope you find good ways to manage

Its hard in this world and im not sure how to do it anymore.

PM's are always open

 

[Nymph]

I feel the same way, I wish there was a way to get more substances because right now I just use benzos and alcohol. If I'm 100% sober my head is full of suicidal thoughts

 

[LivingANDDying26]

I feel the same way, I wish there was a way to get more substances because right now I just use benzos and alcohol. If I'm 100% sober my head is full of suicidal thoughts

Yupp I'm relying on benzos and alcohol(with weed in the mix)

Like I try but the reality is too much. It feels really good to just be able to openly say this...

There's so much shame in this world. I wish people I need to could understand.

It takes strength to live each day even if I'm using vices to get by...
Daydreaming just isn't the same. I can manage little by little but it is so hard!!! Sometimes like today O just have to stop with all the distractions bc it makes me feel awful!!!

without all the distractions... I'm just here. I want to be going somewhere but...

 

[Nodscene]

Its hard in this world and im not sure how to do it anymore.

PM's are always open

I couldn't have put it better myself. I'm not sure I ever figured out how to do it to be honest and it sure didn't get easier once my physical health eclipsed my mental health.

It's nice to see that there are people out there who actually get it. Of course I think it would be impossible to truly understand without being in our position.

Sadly the one drug that can help make the days more bearable and don't cause me any issues aren't available where I live (mdma). Of course I shouldn't be surprised, that's usually how my luck works haha. Hell, of even try H or opium at this point. Not like it's going to have any negative effects on whats left of my life

I'm available by pm as well.

Take care and hope you have some good days that are so rare.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

I am so jealous. Alcohol and weed just make me puke. Afraid to try anything else.

So glad you find things that work for you, whatever they are.