Venting Unsure when to go

[lucacaro]

I'm feeling a bit down today over the silliest thing and I'm back to thinking about my own suicide. It feels like it's inevitable but I don't know when?

I think the sooner the better but I can't really make peace with the thought of dying. I don't want to be here or do all the things I'm supposed to do and the longer I take the more pressing all these things get but I'm honestly scared of dying - and what hurts the most is that I'll never get to talk to the person I really like ever again. I'm gonna be leaving them behind and it makes me hesitate. I don't even know why I'm hesitating for them because I know what we have now is all it will ever be. Nothing will change. I really just need to let it go already but it's so difficult.

I'm thinking I just need to do it. I have to stop over thinking it and get it done. Maybe I'll try towards the end of the month or beginning of February.

I'll wake up - take my pain killer - and drink the SN. It's not even that hard I don't have to worry about all the other medicines because I don't have them and I won't need to fast because I'll have not eaten for some time already having been asleep. Any day now..

 

[WornOutLife]

Not an expert here but I was supposed to be gone today and then changed my plans.
You will know when it's the right time to leave.
Just don't rush. That's the best advice I can give you.

Hugs

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Hey there. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you. I can kind of relate, it sucks.
It sounds like this person you're talking about - the one you really like - is a big factor in all of this one way or the other. Would you mind sharing why you think you can never ever talk to them again? I mean, if you're planning to go soon-ish, there isn't much to lose by taking one last chance to reconnect, or am I wrong?

 

[*Hope*]

Few days ago I felt like I was at a limit. Had that feeling of burning inside and just wanting to disappear. Luckily didn't have N so I went to sleep and was feeling SLIGHTLY better.
I think to cbt you need to feel that burning emotion of wanting to disappear for at least a month constantly.