unstable(?) identity

[InezSerrano]

I have no idea who I am, what I like, dislike, my values, etc. Even simple stuff like my age or gender. I'll think, would all my problems in life be fixed if I was a man? If I was still a child?

I know BPD can cause identity disturbance, so maybe it's that? But I think most people are like this? But maybe not thinking about it every day like I do? Or maybe I've just done too much drugs (I'm looking at you, LSD/Shrooms) and they destroyed my sense of self? I really don't know what to think. I mean I should probably just tell my therapist, not make some stupid post about it. I really don't know what I'm doing. (To be clear, I'm not making a post as an alternative to talking to them about it, lol. I'll tell them when I see them this Friday, I think I already have, I'm just in it again.)

So, If anyone wants to answer these questions: I assume most people feel like this, do you? How often? Is this a normal part of being a human? Even daily? Even so that you can't progress at all in life? Any other thoughts?

Or give me any advice or anything, or IDK do nothing, no pressure.

 

[motel rooms]

So, If anyone wants to answer these questions: I assume most people feel like this, do you? How often? Is this a normal part of being a human? Even daily? Even so that you can't progress at all in life?

No, most people don't feel like that, especially not on a daily basis...

 

[InezSerrano]

No, most people don't feel like that, especially not on a daily basis...

ok..

 

[Remember-Me-Not]

So to answer your questions:

I think most people will go through a phase of questioning what their beliefs, values, and identity is, but not to your extent where they are unsure of their age (unless you are questioning whether you fit in with your peers of your similar age group, and not the physical number).​

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I don't know if I could say I experience something similar, but I also feel like I never solidified my identity. I think this is because I try to act and behave in ways I think others expect of me. I don't really have much of an interest or opinion, and my answers about myself never feel genuine. I think a lot of this stems from my trauma (C-PTSD)​

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Advice...? Have you tried journaling? I feel like putting thoughts into words can help with the feeling of instability.​

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I hope you could figure it out. I know this can make you feel disoriented and lost day-to-day, which sucks tbh. Good luck

 

[timf]

There was a TV show called "All in the Family". The father was a character called Archie Bunker. Archie was a working class guy that was used as the butt of a lot of jokes. In one situation where some guys were sitting around talking about their various investments, someone asked Archie what he had invested in. He responded, "All my money is tied up in staying alive".

In a way that scene captured the difference between prosperity and survival. With prosperity one has time and money to explore all sorts of possibilities. Sometimes such explorations lead people into unhealthy paths. The prosperity of the 1920s led many people into a frenzy of greed. This came to a sudden end in 1929 with the stock market crash.

In a similar way some young people are drawn into a party lifestyle and as the years pass and they get older they fail to realize that all the years that passed were wasted. There are various ways we can get diverted from reality only to experience a brutal encounter with reality in the future.

The ability not to drift too far from reality is called being grounded. This might seem limited and not much fun. However, it can really help when things come crashing down not to have too far to fall.

 

[Everybody_yells]

Unfortunately I got no advise, because truth be told, I am somewhat on a similar path of yours (path.? idk, can't seem to be leading anywhere). You can find one of my ramblings on a possible identity crisis a couple posts down, albeit not as deep as what you are going through.

Anyway, I am struggling to discover myself and in search of resources myself. So please don't feel like you are all alone on this one, hold on. You will get through this !

 

[InezSerrano]

Unfortunately I got no advise, because truth be told, I am somewhat on a similar path of yours (path.? idk, can't seem to be leading anywhere). You can find one of my ramblings on a possible identity crisis a couple posts down, albeit not as deep as what you are going through.

Anyway, I am struggling to discover myself and in search of resources myself. So please don't feel like you are all alone on this one, hold on. You will get through this !

Hmm, as horrible as it may sound it's at least nice to know there are other people struggling with me. I wish you the best. If you ever find the solution, let me know, lol. <3

 

[myopybyproxy]

I feel the same way. Everyone always says 'be yourself!' and I want to smack them. How can I be myself when I have no idea who I am?

For what it's worth, I haven't ever done any LSD or anything of the sort - too scared I will lose the little that is left of my sanity. I have a tentative diagnosis of BPD but it isn't official, whatever that means in the grand scheme of things. Have done some drugs but not ever caused myself full blown psychotic episode as a result. Maybe only mild.

But no, I don't think most people are this unsure of who they are, or that it hinders their ability to form connections or achieve their goals in life.

 

[Everybody_yells]

I feel the same way. Everyone always says 'be yourself!' and I want to smack them. How can I be myself when I have no idea who I am?

For what it's worth, I haven't ever done any LSD or anything of the sort - too scared I will lose the little that is left of my sanity. I have a tentative diagnosis of BPD but it isn't official, whatever that means in the grand scheme of things. Have done some drugs but not ever caused myself full blown psychotic episode as a result. Maybe only mild.

But no, I don't think most people are this unsure of who they are, or that it hinders their ability to form connections or achieve their goals in life.

Well in my case, I have a strong obsession with living in the past, lamenting over how things were simpler back then and thus taking no action in the present. And the cycle repeats itself over and over.
One thing my previous therapist asked me to do when I told her about my anhedonic nature is to jot down 5 things that I liked and disliked, in the present.

The like part was obviously outnumbered by the dislike team lol, but there were one or two things that I found I liked doing. It could be as simple as watching a show that is wholesome or something, or maybe taking an evening stroll. Obviously these may not be your "Goals" to nurture and grow, but it would give you a sense of feeling that you are not completely void of an identity.

Perhaps worth the shot !

Also, don't give heed to what others say or think. It will be terribly hard to please/convince them of who or what you are. In the end, all that matters is you. Don't feel astray if you are not able to relate to others. You are you !

 

[mistvissione11e]

I think I experience the same thing as you. Before, I would do these breathing and meditating exercises that would make me detached from my body, and then in those minutes I would lose my sense of self and it was like i had melted in nothing (but i felt that i was in everything and everything was in me).

Sadly i cant reach whatever that was anymore. Now in the last 4 years, every step I take I take as an outside force, i feel like i have fractured my identity too in which i cant impose on everyday things like: entertainment, pain, crying, talking to people, moving, walking. So some days i will just BE (doing whatever action) and then i will be so far gone that i have to use some object as reference to who i am, like a person (more of a thought process) to be able to instill at least my identity in the perception of another object. I feel that I have reached a certain point where I cannot attain my sense of self anymore that this is also a reason "I "feel tired of living. Although it would be contradicting to say this while at the moment of writing this u could sat i have a sense of self now that I find a reason for why I dont most of the time (need to die). It takes effort to remind myself of at least my physical form and to place myself in the perspective of how others think of me. For example, someone will spurt out something terribly rude to me as to attack me and I cannot feel anything that this person says (it doesnt matter if they say something kind or to attack me), same as when i get dismissed in different things and hard abuse from my mother doesnt affect me (anymore)but to understand. Or when I was a perfect student, or when I failed, or when I physically got hurt. I would out of instinct in certain situations start to cry or get angry or happy and then suddenly i would stop and realize that it isnt me that is crying but an instinct, in those moments I am again fractured or u could say my sense of self appears bc I realize the lack of sense of self. Another example was I would forget what I was in relation to something else. Like i would stare at my cat and suddenly it felt like i was staring into an abyss of myself, a black hole of infinity where the cat held some sort of eternity in itself. It was like I became the cat, I lost who I was and seemed to flow in the cat's being. This has also happened to me a lot with humans, bc I am so unaware of my own presence as a human in respect to so many points of reference that at times, I get filled with what the expresses in their speech, body language, facial expressions, and tone that suddenly again I feel that the world shifts, colors, even perspective the shape of the room or environment ever so seems to focus in, into how the person who imposed themself on me perceives it. Sometimes it is terrible sadness that i mirror from them, or exactly their mood at that moment. I really am not sure what this is called or how else to put into words but all in all I am very tired of everystep I take because receiving their full energy while u are empty brings u down even further. adding weight