Ultimately Alone...

[dust-in-the-wind]

I've realized that no matter how much support you have (family, friends, therapist ect), ultimately you are alone with your demons. You are the only one inside your head. You are the only one to decide to fight for your life or not. You are the only one feeling the intense emotional pain. No one else can feel it with you or for you or take any of it away. Its your pain and yours alone to bear until you can no longer tolerate it. You come into this world alone and you die alone. Life is a lonely & cruel trap.

 

[beseechgod]

I already cannot tolerate it. I only feel okay when I'm talking to someone.

 

[F@#$]

Agreed, except I am completely alone ( beside two dogs). Family gave up and I have no friends.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I definitely agree with you. Nobody will ever understand your emotional pain no matter how many times you explain it. All we have is our medication to depend on and hope it works. I'm so sorry you have to feel like this.

 

[Monad]

I've made a different comment on a different post about my beliefs in life, I might make a separate thread to see what people think.

I don't know if I despise life or MY life... I mean I wish I could start over and take many different paths in a different life, but even then it's all for nothing.

I mean, even if you had an amazing life, everyone has their demons. Is life ever really worth it? Since I am here, I will live my life until I can't handle it anymore, but I've been struggling to find a reason to have kids in my future (if I make it that far).

I'd love to hear what others believe. If they are natalists or antinatalists. I feel like their would be a large overlap of people here and antinatalists.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I already cannot tolerate it. I only feel okay when I'm talking to someone.

I'm so depressed I've withdrawn from everyone and live inside my fucked up head.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Agreed, except I am completely alone ( beside two dogs). Family gave up and I have no friends.

Do you wish you had friends? I want friends sometimes but most days I'd rather be alone. Just curious.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Agreed, except I am completely alone ( beside two dogs). Family gave up and I have no friends.

I have two dogs as well. They provide me some comfort. My depression has made withdraw from family and friends. I barely speak to anyone anymore.

I definitely agree with you. Nobody will ever understand your emotional pain no matter how many times you explain it. All we have is our medication to depend on and hope it works. I'm so sorry you have to feel like this.

I've tried sooo many meds. Sometimes they worked for a while until thy didn't. Then the game begins again to see if another one will work. I'm on an entire cocktail of meds right now and it's not working. It's a crapshoot.

 

[F@#$]

Sometimes I think I would. I used to be "popular" knew a ton of people "friends". We've all drifted apart,probably me more than anyone else. I've been lied to and fucked around by so many that I really don't care anymore. Now I'm a bitter broken shell of the person I've been in the past. Nobody wants to be around me and I can't blame them. I don't want to be around me either.
But thank you for asking.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I've made a different comment on a different post about my beliefs in life, I might make a separate thread to see what people think.

I don't know if I despise life or MY life... I mean I wish I could start over and take many different paths in a different life, but even then it's all for nothing.

I mean, even if you had an amazing life, everyone has their demons. Is life ever really worth it? Since I am here, I will live my life until I can't handle it anymore, but I've been struggling to find a reason to have kids in my future (if I make it that far).

I'd love to hear what others believe. If they are natalists or antinatalists. I feel like their would be a large overlap of people here and antinatalists.

I am a 55f and consciously choose not to have children. I feel there is more suffering than good in life. I have no regrets. You never know how your kids will turn out and that could bring you a whole different level of pain.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I have two dogs as well. They provide me some comfort. My depression has made withdraw from family and friends. I barely speak to anyone anymore.

I've tried sooo many meds. Sometimes they worked for a while until thy didn't. Then the game begins again to see if another one will work. I'm on an entire cocktail of meds right now and it's not working. It's a crapshoot.

I tried Prozac about 2 years ago and it really saved my life! My SI had mostly stopped and it wasn't a drag to get out the bed. Those psych meds are tricky because they take so long to start working and hopefully that dose will work. Hopefully this new cocktail will be helpful

 

[Monad]

I am a 55f and consciously choose not to have children. I feel there is more suffering than good in life. I have no regrets. You never know how your kids will turn out and that could bring you a whole different level of pain.

Fully support that decision. I am a young buck still but am probably going to choose the same path. I feel that even if there is good, there will always, inevitably be bad. The only choice the person has is to accept there will be bad and find the silver lining. Ultimately, I would be leaving my child's happiness up to luck. Doesn't sound appealing.