lament.
the Immortal
- Jun 28, 2023
- 169
A while ago my friends relationship with their parents started to deteriorate, so I told them that if they got kicked out they could stay with me, when I said this to them I was severely depressed but nowhere near as suicidal as I am now.
Today they messaged me saying they ran away from home and are currently staying in a hotel, which was pretty shocking to me, I knew that things were getting worse at home but I wasn't expecting them to run away without a plan or anything. Regardless, what remains is I have a friend essentially homeless, who I do really want to help out and have been giving them information, services, phone numbers, etc to call for additional help, but realistically the best thing I could do as a friend is let them stay over - as I would have done in the past. However I've reached the point where I am actively attempting suicide at least once a month and was going to attempt again tonight with my shitty partial hanging set-up. (I have no good anchor point, SI, etc, etc getting in the way) And it feels like I'm betraying them, because I don't want to invite them into a home I am trying to kill myself in. All I really think about anymore is suicide and those thoughts obviously wouldn't go away even if they are here.
Both the thought of not being able to CTB with them around and (far worse) the thought of them finding my body after I've killed myself or me with a rope around my neck is too painful to bare. I really don't know what to do I feel so conflicted and just feel like a terrible person. They really don't want to go home and all I can do is sit here giving them surface level advice while looking for nearby forests to die in and bridges to jump off.
I sincerely doubt you are on this site but if you see this post, sorry for being a shitty friend.
Today they messaged me saying they ran away from home and are currently staying in a hotel, which was pretty shocking to me, I knew that things were getting worse at home but I wasn't expecting them to run away without a plan or anything. Regardless, what remains is I have a friend essentially homeless, who I do really want to help out and have been giving them information, services, phone numbers, etc to call for additional help, but realistically the best thing I could do as a friend is let them stay over - as I would have done in the past. However I've reached the point where I am actively attempting suicide at least once a month and was going to attempt again tonight with my shitty partial hanging set-up. (I have no good anchor point, SI, etc, etc getting in the way) And it feels like I'm betraying them, because I don't want to invite them into a home I am trying to kill myself in. All I really think about anymore is suicide and those thoughts obviously wouldn't go away even if they are here.
Both the thought of not being able to CTB with them around and (far worse) the thought of them finding my body after I've killed myself or me with a rope around my neck is too painful to bare. I really don't know what to do I feel so conflicted and just feel like a terrible person. They really don't want to go home and all I can do is sit here giving them surface level advice while looking for nearby forests to die in and bridges to jump off.
I sincerely doubt you are on this site but if you see this post, sorry for being a shitty friend.
