Help Trying to have discussion about suicide with boyfriend and he’s just not having it

[LittleJem]

I can't stop thinking about it. Am too depressed to be in a relationship. Today, have had clonazepam and couldn't get off sofa. Then cocaine and got up and went out but still really depressed. Just want to cry my eyes out and panic. Nothing is working. He tells me to not be daft but I've been feeling this way forever. I just feel constantly desperate to go…

I feel sick and upset tummy all day. Been mad for so many years. Just so sick of it and exhausted.

My phone is gonna die in a bit but will see any replies later.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I'm sorry you're so stuck.

Do you think it would make it easier if you broke up with him? Just because you said you're too depressed to be in a relationship, and evidently he doesn't take you seriously.

I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just asking as you seem really down about how he doesn't listen, which is the worst feeling in the world in a relationship. The loneliest feeling ever.

I hope you have a better night

We all care for you and we're here no matter what you decide

 

[LittleJem]

That's what I'm discussing with him and you're right - he's not taking it seriously.

We might be heading that way in the next few weeks. I'm trying to prepare him I think.

We both have mental health, drug use etc and we seem to break up and then get back together again.

I want to end myself so bad. Trying to make it to after Christmas so my family don't associate Christmas with me going…

So dysfunctional and lost I still can't write a note. And feel sick after everything I took today to try and get relief.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering a lot, you are also an veteran of SaSu similar to me as well. I hope that you will be able to find peace whenever the time comes on whatever you choose to do.

 

[Unspoken7612]

I'm so sorry you're in such a bad state and aren't getting the response you'd like from your loved ones.

Unfortunately but understandably, very few people are going to be OK with the idea of their loved ones killing themselves, outside perhaps of some quite limited circumstances. Perhaps try a different approach like "I am seriously having regular suicidal thoughts, we need to do something different to make me feel better".

I suspect any advice I give you would be stuff you have already tried. Getting clean might help, but it is extremely difficult.

I hope you feel better tomorrow.

 

[LittleJem]

The coke is literally the only thing that helps. I tried eight or ten prescription things.

Freud used it for depression. Probably, it was cheaper then. That was before they knew it was addictive.I am personally not addicted. I am literally using a line or few to get out of bed, do washing up. It is sad and boring, not a party

I'm in my late forties and just discovered it helps me in the last year or two.

I know it can be addictive, expensive, dangerous for some people so I don't promote it as such. I just question the hierarchy of any drug over another…The prescription meds just gave me a ten day period and upset tummy plus extra agitation. They definitely aren't any better. I wish they worked but…I might re-test them, but they were my first anti-psychotic and have definitely blunted the (happy) effect of cocaine maybe permanently, even though I was maybe on them for six weeks only

Saying that, I've been to Cocaine Anonymous (mainly to socialise) which is for every addiction. All of them hard to get off, definitely. I personally don't want to/need to as can't afford it but need it, so small amount all I can get! I just hate all of it. I mean just to get out of bed…but I guess I should see it as a medicine for me.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I am calmer today because I had a line last night. What does that mean about my brain. No come down - it actually improves me. I must have low dopamine.

After being at bus stop wishing I had an off switch I am now watching normal people go by from where I sit alone. Wish I could just collapse and lie on carpet.

@TAW122 thanks for your comment. How many days and years more will we brave this suffering. We are doing time.

If any of the above annoyed anyone, am sorry. Think am autistic/not socially educated. Plus stoned and exhausted