Venting Trying to CTB when you have DID

[Gil]

So to start this off, you're going to need a basic understanding of what dissociative identity disorder is. If you're unfamiliar I suggest googling it. I don't have the energy to explain it in detail beyond saying it's having multiple personalities basically aka alters.

Anyway! I'm frustrated as hell because my DID keeps getting in the way of my plans to ctb. Back in April I tried the sn method and one of my alters calling for help was part of the reason it failed. And now every time I try to use this site one of my alters comes in to try and change my password to one I don't know or they try to delete my account. And there's no way I'm getting my hands on an again because if I do and an alter other than myself is out when it arrives it'll just go right in the trash. I mean I feel like it's unfair to my alters to want to ctb when we all have to share this body, but damn is it frustrating. Hell, I have a feeling this account won't last long because of one of the others trying to delete it. I mean I've kind of given up on truly trying to ctb anyway I think, but damn my alters don't even want me on this site that I use for support and venting purposes, not just ctb purposes. Ah well. We'll just see how it goes. It's good to be back on here for now at any rate.

 

[Life_and_Death]

have you ever tried listening to your alters and giving recovery a shot? maybe they know something you dont. also im speaking from a sort of understanding point of view. i have BPD. it seems like the biggest difference between us is i know everything thats going on and for you theres like a wall between each one so you dont know what the others are doing.

 

[Gil]

have you ever tried listening to your alters and giving recovery a shot?

Yeah I am essentially trying to recover at this point, honestly. It's rough but I'm trying. I just wish the others realized that I can recover while still using this site as a coping mechanism of sorts. The community on here always makes me feel welcome and like I'm not alone, so I don't want to give it up completely the way my alters seem to think I should

 

[Life_and_Death]

was i right when i said we are alike? because im working towards recovery too and if youd like you can message me and i can see about keeping your alters straight for you. its definitely difficult to pull yourself away from suicide when thats all you see, but maybe having someone to show you can help :) just thought id offer in case you wanted a bit of help

 

[Gil]

I'm honestly a little shy about talking like, in dms and such but I'm totally down with talking more! And I definitely think we probably are pretty alike! Thanks for offering <3

 

[Life_and_Death]

thats ok :) i understand being shy. i have a bunch of anxieties attached to one of my personalities