Trying again today

[bFre3]

Partial, second try! Last time it shook me up a lot, hopefully this time it goes a bit better. I hope I don't end up with brain damage....

If I don't have any activity anytime soon, then that would probably mean I'm gone

---

I've given up for today. I really thought today would be the day. I was a lot calmer than my first attempt, everything was ready. I would've been successful if not for that stupid SI.

Firstly, SI is so annoying. I thought it came from immense fear of death, but this time I noticed it was my body quite literally moving on its one seemingly without reason. I wouldn't say I didn't have control of my body, but it's against my will. It's really annoying.

Secondly, my mind itself is very clear this time. My first attempt, I was really scared after doing it once, and quit straight after. This time, except for the few seconds after standing back up and blood rushes to my brain, my mind was not hazy at all. I just kept trying again and again. I took a few breaks in between, of course. After a certain point I seriously just got annoyed of the whole thing, I wasn't even sad or scared anymore. I even changed the song from a sad song to a more pumped up one trying to motivate myself halfway thtough.

Just mad now. Now I'm going to get less sleep and I'll be tired tomorrow. Annoying.

At least, I'm scared a lot less now, so my next attempt will hopefully be fairly soon.

 

[EG1141]

Best of luck!

 

[astr4]

i'm sorry that life has led you here. i hope you find some peace at the end of it all.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace, I wish you all the best.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for and your partial isnt painful.

 

[Theresnoescape]

Good luck, I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[bFre3]

I can't do it I can't fucking do it I keep on trying but keep on pushing myself back up I just need to stay for a few more seconds and I'm done why????
At this point I'm not even sad anymore I'm just mad?? My mind becomes clear again within a few seconds and I just feel mad and I think I can do it the next time but I can't

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry the world has been so cruel to you~ :( You don't have to do it if you're scared, but I wish you the best with whatever path you take~ Praying for you~ :)

 

[bFre3]

I'm sorry the world has been so cruel to you~ :( You don't have to do it if you're scared, but I wish you the best with whatever path you take~ Praying for you~ :)

I'm not even scared anymore I just want it over and done with.. I'm going to try a bit more and if not I'm just going to sleep

 

[thereisnoone]

I hope you find peace and I hope one day I have the bravery of the most brave people I look up to

 

[astr4]

it's okay if you don't feel ready yet, presumably the rope will always be there, don't feel pressured to have to do this right now

 

[bFre3]

My airpods died and stopped playing music. I think that's a sign to stop for today