Venting Tried to Ctb by slitting my wrists after a friend died and it didn’t work

[CyBerry]

I have been struggling with trying to keep myself alive these last few months, and spiraled after finding out a friend of mine I made on here ctb, I should be happy for them that they are finally at peace and are in a better place now but I can't help but feel like a part of me was ripped away, I don't know, we never even talked much but last night when I decided to check their profile I saw their final message and it broke me, I tried to go on a walk to clear my head but I couldn't stop crying and shaking, I knew that i wouldn't have been able to change their mind if I tired but I wish that I could have been able to say goodbye, i couldn't finish the walk and ended up behind the library of my college campus writing my suicide note, i couldn't even finish it entirely because anytime i cried my stupid fucking glasses would fog up and it would make me even more upset at myself, I ended up cutting up my arms a lot that night with the razor I brought with me but when I tried to fully cut my wrist with it I felt like I was getting nowhere and the pain was otherworldly, so I ended up just bleeding and crying out for about 4 hours before calling the hotline, I want to kill myself so badly but I'm terrified, I feel like if I decide to try again I'm going to buy a box cutter, I miss my friend so much even though we never really talked much, I wish I was online before they did it, some part of me keeps telling myself that maybe they didn't end up going through it but they probably did and it's killing me, I feel like I have been doing everything right to heal from what happened back in November with me getting sa'd but this has really broken me, honestly don't think I can recover from this I'm so fucking far into this hole now

 

[endlesstranquility]

You have a box cutter already, don't you?

SA is like taking a shower nowadays, the World just got cruel. Level up!

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I've lost 5 people and a ex this year. I understand the grief and pain extremely well and it will absolutely destroy you . I'm so sorry you're struggling so much , life can be absolute shit and unbearable but know that even in the darkest moments that you gave plenty of people on here that can support you emotionally.

Cutting has a low percentage of death, I've done it and hit a vein a few times... it's painful and it's not worth the hours of bleeding just to wake back up.

 

[CyBerry]

You have a box cutter already, don't you?

SA is like taking a shower nowadays, the World just got cruel. Level up!

I don't have one yet, the razor I was using was one of those foldable razors used for facial hair, the blade wasn't able to go deep enough with just one cut and needs multiple which made me focus too much on the pain and made me freak out

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I don't have one yet, the razor I was using was one of those foldable razors used for facial hair, the blade wasn't able to go deep enough with just one cut and needs multiple which made me focus too much on the pain and made me freak out

Thin double sided razors and a little pressure, is how I do it .

 

[CyBerry]

I've lost 5 people and a ex this year. I understand the grief and pain extremely well and it will absolutely destroy you . I'm so sorry you're struggling so much , life can be absolute shit and unbearable but know that even in the darkest moments that you gave plenty of people on here that can support you emotionally.

Cutting has a low percentage of death, I've done it and hit a vein a few times... it's painful and it's not worth the hours of bleeding just to wake back up.

Fuckkk i didn't know that, when i attempted it was pretty impulsive I'll remember that

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Fuckkk i didn't know that, when i attempted it was pretty impulsive I'll remember that

They're cheap just be prepared for a mess ... alcohol helps with hitting deeper too if you drink.

 

[CyBerry]

They're cheap just be prepared for a mess ... alcohol helps with hitting deeper too if you drink.

I'm 18 and I don't think I can get ahold of alcohol like that

 

[endlesstranquility]

Slit throat tbh, faster

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I'm 18 and I don't think I can get ahold of alcohol like that

Lol wish I could give you advice on that but I'm sure you'll figure something out...

Oh and go vertical... horizontal is for show ... vertical is for results.

But remember it's not a recommended method here for a reason.

 

[kuroshimi]

I haven't lost anyone yet, but, as I became suicidal again last time, I started to thinking about it from the perspective of some of my friends. I realize that this will break them and they didn't accept this well, ofc. One of them struggling with suicidal thoughts as well, but she is coping with it by something like "this is not my thoughts, it is symptom of a disease". I can't get it though.

Sorry you're struggling. There is still people that can support you.

Also, cutting is not recommended since there is little chance of dying from it.