Tried SN

[Vivian]

I couldn't wait any longer. I knew that my parents wouldn't leave me alone in the house on June 30, so I tried SN on June 22. My parents busted me, so now they are on parent duty. They make sure I stay downstairs with them and they don't let me enter my room on my own because there is medicine in there. They are treating me like a mental hospital patient. Being at home and being at the mental hospital doesn't seem so different anymore.

 

[jake3d]

Shall I remind everyone who actually wants to cross over to the other side that rule #1 is DON'T GET CAUGHT?

Either way, I am glad that you are still with us here and perhaps you may now try to get better...

 

[not_a_robot]

Shall I remind everyone who actually wants to cross over to the other side that rule #1 is DON'T GET CAUGHT?

Either way, I am glad that you are still with us here and perhaps you may now try to get better...

A bit of sympathy for OP though. I know living with my family would make me want to ctb so bad, I might get careless too.
I think wanting to kill oneself is the only reasonable response to living with one's parents past teen years. It's so soul-crushing.

 

[barny]

My mum is messaging me 20x a day then says shes coming round if i dont answer. She doesnt have a key to my flat though lol. I would never do it at home, too risky

 

[Vivian]

You all do not understand; I am only 20 years old. I don't have a job and I don't have the means to get my own apartment yet. CTB'ing at my house is the only way I could die.

 

[jake3d]

Not really, you could've gone to a forest or something. Camping trip.

Anyway, it's going to be a bit more difficult for you to do that now so if I were in your shoes i would think about it some more and maybe reconsider this decision. You're still very young.

Care to share your motive with us btw?

 

[not_a_robot]

You all do not understand; I am only 20 years old. I don't have a job and I don't have the means to get my own apartment yet. CTB'ing at my house is the only way I could die.

Except, you couldn't. Shared homes are an intrusive environment.

Everybody acts like isolation is the worst thing in the world, but I bet shared living-space causes a lot more suicides. The inability to have a space of one's own is so detrimental.

 

[Vivian]

I live in a suburban neighborhood and my mom likes to track me by GPS if I don't respond to her text message right away telling her where I am. There is no way in hell I could have gone to a forest.


I have schizophrenia and its a tiring disease. I don't feel any better no matter what medicine I take. Its better if I end it.

 

[jake3d]

I have schizophrenia and its a tiring disease. I don't feel any better no matter what medicine I take. Its better if I end it.

I'm really sorry about that. Can't say much else about it. But coming on more technical details, do you actually have a GPS tracker on you, or are you just talking about your phone? Because on the phone it can be turned off..

 

[LifeIsACurse]

If she just tracks your phone, you could've always left it at home anyways (or just fake the GPS, like my friend always does).
That being said, I hope that you get the peace you deserve, I can't imagine how schizophrenia feels like.

 

[Vivian]

I'm really sorry about that. Can't say much else about it. But coming on more technical details, do you actually have a GPS tracker on you, or are you just talking about your phone? Because on the phone it can be turned off..

I already know that GPS can be turned off on the phone but it will be perceived as suspicious because my mom checks my location online and if it is turned off, she's going to get paranoid.

 

[jake3d]

One thing's for certain, I wouldn't attempt such a thing inside the house again if I were in your shoes. You're just going to make your situation more miserable.

 

[Rukia]

I live in a suburban neighborhood and my mom likes to track me by GPS if I don't respond to her text message right away telling her where I am. There is no way in hell I could have gone to a forest.


I have schizophrenia and its a tiring disease. I don't feel any better no matter what medicine I take. Its better if I end it.

I have schizophrenia too, I am 36...I get you this disease is no joke...If you want to talk my PM is open... I constantly have symptoms too, although I am not hallucinating anymore...

 

[Meretlein]

Did they catch you before you were going to take it?

 

[21Neberg]

Hey Vivian, im sorry that happened to you. Stay calm though, in time your parents will stop watching your every move closely. I've been in your shoes, and really I still am, so I know how hard it is. However if you attempt again now you only risk hospitalization - I'm speaking from experience here. I hope you find a way to calm yourself down so you can think calmly if you want to attempt again or give life another chance. I hope you choose the latter. Good luck either way.

 

[memento_mori]

I live in a suburban neighborhood and my mom likes to track me by GPS if I don't respond to her text message right away telling her where I am.

That's awful, very intrusive and it's like you are constantly under surveillance

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're having such an effed-up time. My closest friend is schizophrenic so I know it can be very scary and difficult. Are you taking medication? and can I ask when you were diagnosed?

@21Neberg's advice up there is excellent. For now you need to stay collected and calm your parents' hypervigilance.

But I admit I'd be soooooo tempted to drop my phone into some passing stranger's grocery bag or something. (((Hugs)))

 

[not_a_robot]

That's awful, very intrusive and it's like you are constantly under surveillance

Every time I read these posts of young people with no independence and constant monitoring, I just think "well no wonder they want to die."

 

[DownInaHole]

Know what's really pathetic? I'm 45 and still live at home. I could never afford to live on my own. I dread having to kill myself.

 

[Somebodylied]

How do your parents know what the effects of sn are, if you dont mind me asking?

 

[WhyamIstillhere]

Know what's really pathetic? I'm 45 and still live at home. I could never afford to live on my own. I dread having to kill myself.

 

[gnomeboy17]

Hope you're doing better now, your situation sounds like it's not ideal, I would hate for my parents to find out my suicidal ideation. Best wishes x