Venting Trapped. Considering the 80 foot cliff.

[SHThrowAway213]

There is the cliff which is about a 45 min walk away from me but that is only 80 foot, but that is my only option
Can't afford bus fare (buses are running Sunday Services anyway) to the 200 foot cliff which is an hours bus journey.
I can't find anywhere outside to hang myself and I would not want to risk it.
I can't hang myself inside my flat as my husband is always home at the moment, unless I risked it and tried it when he was asleep.
I can't order any more SN because I can not afford it. Also my husband found my last batch of SN anyway and I would be too scared about him finding it.
Can't afford nembutal.
ODing doesn't work, neither does bleach and cutting also has a low success rate too.
This means my only option is the 80 foot cliff

 

[Lunarhour]

Didn't your last attempt at the cliff fail because security saw you and took you to safety? Or maybe that was someone else.

I feel awful for you my dear. You must be constantly pacing back and forth trying to figure out what to do. The pain must be heavy indeed...

 

[SNOB]

Would it be worth confiding I'm your husband how your feeling?

 

[Meowkin]

It's hard when you don't have many options. It does push you towards less ideal ones. Good luck.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

Im so sorry youre going through this.

Have you been there before? How would you feel about going there before you plan to CTB - just to see how it makes you feel.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Would it be worth confiding I'm your husband how your feeling?

He knows my suicidal urges are back, but I havent clued him in on how bad they are as he is under a bit of stress already.
He has lost his job and is a bit stressed about money, I don't want to put any more stress on him.

Im so sorry youre going through this.

Have you been there before? How would you feel about going there before you plan to CTB - just to see how it makes you feel.

Yes I have, I've been there plenty of times, not that recent though.

 

[GerMann]

Though decision.

 

[braketimez]

He knows my suicidal urges are back, but I havent clued him in on how bad they are as he is under a bit of stress already.
He has lost his job and is a bit stressed about money, I don't want to put any more stress on him.

Yes I have, I've been there plenty of times, not that recent though.

I don't usually ask a question like this but...do you feel the stress of opening up to him would be more than the stress of him losing you right now?

 

[Jumper Geo]

He knows my suicidal urges are back, but I havent clued him in on how bad they are as he is under a bit of stress already.
He has lost his job and is a bit stressed about money, I don't want to put any more stress on him.

Not trying to be funny but if you jump from the cliff you will stress him out, sorry your in this situation and being stuck indoors together can't be easy, do you feel more suicidal after he lost his job, if so was he self employed or worked for a company, if you overcome the urge previously maybe the trick is to concentrate and get your husband in the right frame of mind before thinking about ctb, there are jobs available but not everyone wants to do them, like bus drivers, supermarket delivery drivers etc.

Maybe if your fit enough take your husband on a long walk to the 200ft cliff and see if you can both open up about the stress together and hopefully the time you arrive you would have changed your mind but at least you can time yourself of how long it will take to walk to it.

I hope you find peace and hope everything turns out well for you both.

Cheers

Geo

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I don't usually ask a question like this but...do you feel the stress of opening up to him would be more than the stress of him losing you right now?

I'm not sure to be honest.
I think that the worry he would get put under would cause unnecessary stress

 

[ssaaahmo]

I hope that whatever you decide works for you. I have considered jumping many, many times, and almost did it, but then I was stopped. It sounds like you're in a painful situation and I hope that you can find peace, whatever that looks like.

 

[FluffyDove]

Are you UK?
Are you UK?

 

[goinghome]

You don't want to be a cripple. 80' has a 90% mortality rate. You don't want to be in the 10% who make it.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

Are you UK?
Are you UK?

Yes