I don't even know what to do or how to feel…
My CTB date is 10/10… I have SN but don't have benzos or meto. Was going to use Lunesta sleeping pills and seroquel. I also have expired hydroxizine and some propranolol. I'm terrified of gagging while trying to swallow it and then throwing it up. I have GERD and a sensitive stomach to begin with. Have been taking priolsec with minimal relief. Will be preparing a second glass just to be sure. I believe my source is legit and 99.9% purity.
I'm so in my head about this. Scared of failing again, fear of the actual process and what happens to me if I'm sucessful. Worried how it will affect my daughter. Even though she wants nothing to do with me and we have no relationship anymore. She will eventually get over it. I just hate that I am leaving her this legacy.
I probably should write out all my log ins for my credit cards/subscriptions and my life insurance accounts so it will be easier for whoever will manage my affairs. But it's so overwhelming. I feel it I don't it will be a dick move and my karma will be anothrr failed attempt but don't know if I will have the energy to do all that.
I keep getting sad that I won't see my daughter or my cats anymore but like relieved that I won't have to deal with work or this shit apartment anymore. And hopefully put an end to my suffering. Multiple chronic physical and mental ailments with no relief. I also have no one in my life. It's just me myself and I trapped in my mind Groundhog Day that gets progressively worse….
I just don't know what to do. Sorry for rambling. I just need to say fuck it just do it just do it just do it just do it already.
I still need to practice measuring everything out with table salt and refresh reading the protocol. I hate how much planning is involved and there's so much time to back out.
I just wish there was another way.
My CTB date is 10/10… I have SN but don't have benzos or meto. Was going to use Lunesta sleeping pills and seroquel. I also have expired hydroxizine and some propranolol. I'm terrified of gagging while trying to swallow it and then throwing it up. I have GERD and a sensitive stomach to begin with. Have been taking priolsec with minimal relief. Will be preparing a second glass just to be sure. I believe my source is legit and 99.9% purity.
I'm so in my head about this. Scared of failing again, fear of the actual process and what happens to me if I'm sucessful. Worried how it will affect my daughter. Even though she wants nothing to do with me and we have no relationship anymore. She will eventually get over it. I just hate that I am leaving her this legacy.
I probably should write out all my log ins for my credit cards/subscriptions and my life insurance accounts so it will be easier for whoever will manage my affairs. But it's so overwhelming. I feel it I don't it will be a dick move and my karma will be anothrr failed attempt but don't know if I will have the energy to do all that.
I keep getting sad that I won't see my daughter or my cats anymore but like relieved that I won't have to deal with work or this shit apartment anymore. And hopefully put an end to my suffering. Multiple chronic physical and mental ailments with no relief. I also have no one in my life. It's just me myself and I trapped in my mind Groundhog Day that gets progressively worse….
I just don't know what to do. Sorry for rambling. I just need to say fuck it just do it just do it just do it just do it already.
I still need to practice measuring everything out with table salt and refresh reading the protocol. I hate how much planning is involved and there's so much time to back out.
I just wish there was another way.
