Venting Too many things to do

[Beepvonboop]

I don't know if it's just me, but I keep getting new events that I'm interested in enough to postpone ctb. I already know a practically foolproof and easy way to do it but I end up always having some plans that make me want to stay for a bit longer, and tbh it's annoying. At the same time responsibilities and events make me so stressed I want it to be over but also they give me a deadline to get to. I have a big trip coming up that I've already paid for and want to experience but at the same time I don't wanna wait any longer. You'd think 7 years would be enough waiting around. Just unhappy with myself right now, but I'm super glad this forum is a place I don't have to worry about people getting up my ass for saying what I'm thinking

 

[YEAR2050]

theres no scheduled deadline on death, it will come when its time. if u feel like u would get something out of going on this trip for example, i dont see why you shouldnt allow yourself to enjoy it

 

[d3c96524be95]

I envy you for having found your "foolproof" method, but apart from that, I can feel you. I think that's one of the reasons why some psychiatrists and friends advised me to focus on short-term objectives. That's a way to divert my attention from the imminent dark thoughts. It doesn't work at making things better, but it surely postpones the attempts. And yes, that's annoying.

why you shouldnt allow yourself to enjoy it

Speaking for myself and not OP, but the problem is I don't even enjoy them. They're just insignificant "milestones" that I arbitrarily assign to me. Because of that, you're never actually finally ready to CTB, but you're suffering just as much in the meantime.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring being trapped in that situation but anyway I wish you the best, I do also envy those with the option to leave in a straightforward and reliable way, suicide is just too difficult to me.