Venting Too little, too late?

[Quarky00]

Fought physical & mental issues for years. Plus recent years, despite wish to end things, fighting the system. Insurance, meds, feeding, assistance, therapy – nothing. Came to terms and prepared long ago. Being evicted from home anyway. Notified now – 2 weeks before ctb – that lawyer assigned to represent me and got some insurance allowance. Nice. Too little too late.

What am I suppose to do? Underweight, barely function, fall around. Unable to 'pack' or 'see flats' (funny social worker). I barely negotiate with my smartphone keyboard, let alone negotiate the bat-shit crazy landlords here Just some practical mundane hurdles – too tired for bigger ones. Not much left in the mental-emotional department.

Social workers, nicest people ever, pressure me to "try", but offer no solutions. My final weeks' peace interrupted. I don't see much point in what I wrote. "Get it off my chest"? Nothing has been lifted off my shoulders.

Physical pain comes and goes, now unbearable, makes my hands shake (reaction to severe pain). Too tired of this. Minimized meds for ctb, but must take bit of painkillers & sleeping pills... You're all amazing people

 

[TheOA]

I can relate. I have made peace with the inevitable and there are glimpses of joy that peak over the horizon from time to time but....

No. Not enough.

 

[Sensei]

Quarky00, do you have any family or relatives that coud help you? No shame in asking them when you're in despair.

 

[Quarky00]

Quarky00, do you have any family or relatives that coud help you? No shame in asking them when you're in despair.

No family or friends.. No shame at all , I would , but there's no one to call :) "no social support network"

Promised my self I would try my best , checked non profits, crisis houses, shelters - all overstretched

 

[Sensei]

No family or friends.. No shame at all , I would , but there's no one to call :) called "no social support network"

Promised my self I would try my best , checked non profits, crisis houses, shelters - all overstretched

I see. Well, there's no point denying that you're situation is catastrophical. However, we are talking about material things. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is, would you want to live if your material situation improved? If so, how long would you be prepared to wait for it to improve? If your answer is "yes" on the first question and "a while" on the second, then your first step should be to find somewhere to live, which you already work on, and use that as a starting point, and fight your way back up again. Of course, only you know the answers to these questions.

 

[Quarky00]

I'd reluctantly give life a little try if I had a place to stay and food . Social worker promised medical and feeding help , but I've been hearing that for 2 years now , never got anything (now lawyer in the picture and some help received) .

Problem is I can't "find a place" cause barely function , as I wrote , can't run around looking for flats . I'm a bit disabled . Plus, off topic , leasing market gone crazy (payslip, cosigners, 12 months).

 

[Sensei]

I'd reluctantly give life a little try if I had a place to stay and food . Social worker promised medical and feeding help , but I've been hearing that for 2 years now , never got anything (now lawyer in the picture and some help received) .

Problem is I can't "find a place" cause barely function , as I wrote , can't run around looking for flats . I'm a bit disabled . Plus, off topic , leasing market gone crazy (payslip, cosigners, 12 months).

There must be a way. If the social workers know that you have nowhere to live, they must realize how serious your situation is and help you somehow.

 

[Quarky00]

There must be a way. If the social workers know that you have nowhere to live, they must realize how serious your situation is and help you somehow.

They know but can't help – I was told to "call real estate agents".. :/
I already knew that before so moved ctb from March to January, but this new "help" was confusing.
Thanx for listening

 

[Sensei]

They know but can't help – I was told to "call real estate agents".. :/
I already knew that before so moved ctb from March to January, but this new "help" was confusing.
Thanx for listening

You've probably already thought about this, but would it be possible to just rent a small room instead of a flat? You know, someone who has an extra room to spare and want to make an extra buck on the side. In my country, such modest lodgings are much easier to find than flats, but I don"t know about yours.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear that and also public assistance generally sucks when it comes to helping people in a timely manner. It's also not completely their fault as they are underfunded and overstretched most of the time.

 

[Quarky00]

just rent a small room instead of a flat? You know, someone who has an extra room to spare and want to make an extra buck

These are long gone here . No 'extra buck' , people became greedy & irrational . Would keep empty flat over leasing cheaper etc . Even remote towns try to cash in .

I'm weighing options, only possible plan:
1) Call dozens slimy landlords, maybe nail a 3 month lease. I hardly leave bed, swiftly & blindly sign on the spot – may end up in a harmful place. Also, basic conversation is excruciating.
2) Throw 90% of clothes/belongings. Not attached but stressful (to own nothing).
3) Pack essentials & move, physically hard.
4) That would cause a 6 weeks crash.. only to ctb later, in 3 months ?

* Crash = joint pain, severe anxiety/insomnia, heavy sedation, meal replacements .. (not far off from current situation though doing a tad better)

* Became a bit of a recovery topic , than suicide , anyways I'm pretty ctb-ish ..

 

[Epsilon0]

Oh @Quarky00, when I read your posts, I feel a pang of pain. How can anyone carry such a burden on their shoulders? This line is absolutely crushing: "hands shake because of severe pain". I am so, so sorry for you!