Venting Too lazy to cut

[GTNHisLOVE]

I first cut myself maybe 2 years ago. I used a blunt pocket knife, but I couldn't stop myself. After I lost the pocket knife, I stopped for... about a year and a half? Idk, something like that.

During that time I had so many chances to hurt myself. I could have always bought a new knife or used other tools to inflict pain. I don't quite know why, but I think I was too lazy. The process of sitting down in a comfy place or in the shower, getting tissues to clean up and... It was too much work for me. In reality, it's nothing. That's no effort. All that would maybe take a minute, max.

I found an old box cutter in my room a month ago. I started cutting myself again.
I wasn't home for an entire week, and now I feel like i felt a year and a half ago. Too lazy. I'm too lazy to get the box cutter. I'm too lazy to get tissues. I'm too lazy to move my hand.

I know I can always just.. do it. But my head just doesn't want to. I don't want to. I do, though. I really want to. It's weird.

 

[Ash]

I cut. A lot. But sometimes I get everything ready to dress the wounds and clean up afterwards and then just sit there and stare at the blade before packing everything away. I used to overthink that and then go back and end up cutting anyway as I'd get myself into a state but these days, if it happens, I accept it as much as I accept the act of cutting and just get on with my day. It's not as though my blades and first aid boxes are fine anywhere.