Venting too late

[darkest]

I dedicated a post to talk about one of my only two friends that I used to have (to put it shortly, the one who said that "I shouldn't fucking care" about what will be [with them and other people and how they'll deal w it, etc] after the fact. not in contact with em anymore btw) but I never talked about my other friend, so might as well!

the reason I didn't talk about that other friend is that I impulsively unfriended them almost a month ago and just a couple of days ago I accepted their friend request again.

They said the one thing that I wanted to hear that month ago [before I unfriended them], hell, a year ago!
"I cant help you in the ways that you need due to the sheer distance between us, but I can still be here to talk to you about other subjects. youre not a burden to me, I want to make that very clear."
But I get those words only when it's too late, how lovely!

only when I've finally accepted the loneliness and let it eat me alive, I'm offered exactly what I needed.

I don't need it now.

I've reached a point of bliss with the idea of death that it seems to be a hole too deep to be climbed out of, only reason is that I don't want to, not anymore.

 

[CutToRelease]

I feel that. Not as much as u. So I wont say I understand when I don't. But I am alone emotional I have no close relationships that I will ever ruin by talking about my feelings. Mayne they would be supportive. But I ruin one all ready by talking about what I am. So I wont do that again. I will just have to be alone. So I can am least feel that aspect of what true loneliness would be like. Good luck with whatever u decide to do.