When I was manic I was really funny and charismatic. My crush showed interest in me. I was totally overwhelmed by that and it triggered my love delusion. I acted like a total donkey last week.
I think she will dodge the meeting because that is less painful for me. There is the off-chance she comes and tear my heart apart.
I think it is important for me to understand that I struggle with ambiguity intolerance. This means. Slight positive signals make me think she is in love with me. And slight negative signals that I fucked it up irreversible.
However, I acted that weird last weekend that even I noticed it. Which is often a bad sign. But when i was manic I was really good.
I am not sure whether I get a second chance.
I think I might be acute suicidal tomorrow evening.
If it becomes really painful I try to react paradoxically. This means I try to be positive and funny on the outside. I have manic symptoms I hope that will help.
But something that should not happen is that I crash in the group. I have to stop that if this happens.
It is so fucking painful. You have a crush on someone then the person starts to be interested in you and then your pathological beahvior ruins it immediately. Not sure whether I will survive that long if it keeps repeating. I don't have SN here otherwise I might would do it soon.
I think she will dodge the meeting because that is less painful for me. There is the off-chance she comes and tear my heart apart.
I think it is important for me to understand that I struggle with ambiguity intolerance. This means. Slight positive signals make me think she is in love with me. And slight negative signals that I fucked it up irreversible.
However, I acted that weird last weekend that even I noticed it. Which is often a bad sign. But when i was manic I was really good.
I am not sure whether I get a second chance.
I think I might be acute suicidal tomorrow evening.
If it becomes really painful I try to react paradoxically. This means I try to be positive and funny on the outside. I have manic symptoms I hope that will help.
But something that should not happen is that I crash in the group. I have to stop that if this happens.
It is so fucking painful. You have a crush on someone then the person starts to be interested in you and then your pathological beahvior ruins it immediately. Not sure whether I will survive that long if it keeps repeating. I don't have SN here otherwise I might would do it soon.
