Told my partner I want to ctb

[Cherrypea]

I've said it to him before but yesterday was the first time I broke down and told him how strongly I want to ctb. He was annoyed with me and asking why I always focus on the negative never positive, well I never have positive thoughts, my head is continually chattering with negative thoughts about myself, the world, the future and the past. He asked what I wanted and so told him but he'll never understand.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

what diagnosis have you got?

 

[Cherrypea]

I've been told I have severe anxiety and depression which I've had in some form all my life. I'm 50 so to bloody long. But this is from the counsellor I've been seeing, I've never had a medical diagnosis and my GP isn't that interested, I think as I'm refusing anti depressants. I've coped for years but it's all to much now.

 

[degeneratewaste]

I'm sorry he was annoyed with you, it's unfair of him to be annoyed when you can't help your own mental health. Maybe try and give him some resources to read up about and educate himself on anxiety and depression? If he is unwilling to do that then maybe it's not right for you as you need someone supportive to help you through this.

 

[Cherrypea]

I'm sorry he was annoyed with you, it's unfair of him to be annoyed when you can't help your own mental health. Maybe try and give him some resources to read up about and educate himself on anxiety and depression? If he is unwilling to do that then maybe it's not right for you as you need someone supportive to help you through this.

He's put up with me for 10 years and I can see how much I've brought him down, it's not his fault. But he bloody annoys me every day.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i think he should at least try to be more understanding. it's not like people choose to be suicidal and severely depressed. he should try to learn about mental health and its effects on the brain and aspects of life.

if you both annoy each other, maybe take a short break from the relationship? i don't know if it's all bad, but if you're both annoying each other, it couldn't hurt to have some space.

 

[Life_and_Death]

But he bloody annoys me every day.

my husband would annoy me everyday. literally everything he did would piss me off. but as he grew to learn more about my disorders and my triggers it has gotten a lot better. but it really does take 2. you have to be open and your partner has to not talk unless they are asking a question to understand better. ok that was put a bit harshly but basically the jist of it

 

[Cherrypea]

my husband would annoy me everyday. literally everything he did would piss me off. but as he grew to learn more about my disorders and my triggers it has gotten a lot better. but it really does take 2. you have to be open and your partner has to not talk unless they are asking a question to understand better. ok that was put a bit harshly but basically the jist of it

This makes perfect sense thank you.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It always irks me that when you tell the people you love the most intimate and personal thing you can share with them (that you want to ctb) they so often react with anger and frustration. I hear this from others so often, and it's how my husband reacts. He stops talking to me if it ever comes up. That doesn't help.

 

[AllReturnsToNothing]

If your boyfriend was annoyed with you rather than concerned for your well-being I think that says a lot about him as a person.

 

[Cherrypea]

It always irks me that when you tell the people you love the most intimate and personal thing you can share with them (that you want to ctb) they so often react with anger and frustration. I hear this from others so often, and it's how my husband reacts. He stops talking to me if it ever comes up. That doesn't help.

think they are scared, scared of losing us and scared that they don't know what to do to help. But if it was the other way round I'd probably be angry as I'd see it as I'd failed him and it was my fault. But that's my anxiety, I don't think normal people are like that.

In my head I'm responsible for absolutely everything. Which is why it's all so crap.
Do you manage to talk to him about your feelings much? I find it really hard.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Do you manage to talk to him about your feelings much? I find it really hard.

We've stopped talking about serious things, because they hurt and are difficult. We're only happy when we can pretend like everything is fine. So that's where I'm at.

 

[deadgirlahsatan]

So sorry. He should be kinder. Understand life is hell.

My bf gets pissed too. I can't even say abything about suicide. He gets so angry.Nothing i say is positive enough. He knows how my life is. If i even have a diff opinion he is furious. He is right and i always say stupid ignorant shit. ignore me for days. Can't i just have someone caring and understanding ???

He will say sorry but do it all over again.

 

[Mm80]

So sorry. He should be kinder. Understand life is hell.

My bf gets pissed too. I can't even say abything about suicide. He gets so angry.Nothing i say is positive enough. He knows how my life is. If i even have a diff opinion he is furious. He is right and i always say stupid ignorant shit. ignore me for days. Can't i just have someone caring and understanding ???

He will say sorry but do it all over again.

Im certainly no advocate of psychiatric medications but if you want to live might it be time to try one? It sounds like you have held off for years which is admirable as docs give them out like sweets, but they can save lives (if that's what you want )

 

[deadgirlahsatan]

Im certainly no advocate of psychiatric medications but if you want to live might it be time to try one? It sounds like you have held off for years which is admirable as docs give them out like sweets, but they can save lives (if that's what you want )

Thanks. Idk. I don't think i do want to live anymore. Things keep getting worse.

 

[Mm80]

Thanks. Idk. I don't think i do want to live anymore. Things keep getting worse.

Sorry that was more aimed at the op as she said she doesnt want medication. But maybe it applies to you too if you havent took anything before.x

 

[deadgirlahsatan]

Sorry that was more aimed at the op as she said she doesnt want medication. But maybe it applies to you too if you havent took anything before.x

Oh it's ok . I tried anti depressants b4 and get bad side effects. I tend to get worse with drugs.

 

[Mm80]

Oh it's ok . I tried anti depressants b4 and get bad side effects. I tend to get worse with drugs.

Yeah. Dont get me wrong they are dog shit, but a compromise for someone who doesnt want to ctb but has a very low mood and doesnt see a way out.

 

[Cherrypea]

Oh it's ok . I tried anti depressants b4 and get bad side effects. I tend to get worse with drugs.

This is actually exactly why I don't want antidepressants again! But I've started microdosing (well just one dose yesterday) as nothing to lose.

 

[Mm80]

This is actually exactly why I don't want antidepressants again! But I've started microdosing (well just one dose yesterday) as nothing to lose.

Can i ask what microdosing is pls?

 

[Cherrypea]

Can i ask what microdosing is pls?

Everything you need to know about microdosing

Microdosing, taking small doses of psychedelics over the course of a couple days, is becoming more popular. Here's what you should know about it.

www.insider.com

I figured it's worth a try.

 

[Mm80]

Everything you need to know about microdosing

Microdosing, taking small doses of psychedelics over the course of a couple days, is becoming more popular. Here's what you should know about it.

www.insider.com

I figured it's worth a try.

Ty will have a read. Has it worked ?