Today was awful (wow what a surprise)

[dead lightbulb]

Today I saw a counselor who was apart of an evaluation process to make sure I'm not suicidal. I spent two hours trying to sell a story that I'm normal and that texting the 988 number was a one time incident.

"Do you have friends?" "Yes, a couple." No, I haven't talked to another person my age since 7th grade.

"How's your home life?" "It's good." I want to pour gasoline in every room and light this place on fire.

"So, what are you going to do about your grades?" "I'm going to focus more." No, I'm going to ignore them until I finally have the courage to kill myself.

Somehow they could tell that something was wrong with me..... and they spent two hours trying to convince me to start therapy sessions. I kindly refused. It was stressful because they didn't believe a word I said. I just don't want to see a therapist because I believe it would be a waste of time considering I don't want any advice or help.

And whenever my father was in the room he spent the whole time just talking about himself. I'd she asked me a question in his presence he would relate it back to himself. How he thinks he needs therapy and that he just lost his job and that he's "tired too". I'm surprised the counselor didn't role their eyes.

He also kept making up lies about me and over dramatizing every little thing. This man is so delusional the he actually believes he knows who I am. But the person he was describing in that counseling office was a completely different human being. And the only reason he wants me to go to therapy is not because he knows I'm suicidal, but because he wants to "bring back my smile" and "have a daughter again".

I spent the rest of the day sleeping and now I'm eating a plate of rice. It's 8:17 on a Monday night. Tomorrow I have off from school and I plan on killing myself. Wish me luck.

 

[GoldenTicket420]

Today I saw a counselor who was apart of an evaluation process to make sure I'm not suicidal. I spent two hours trying to sell a story that I'm normal and that texting the 988 number was a one time incident.

"Do you have friends?" "Yes, a couple." No, I haven't talked to another person my age since 7th grade.

"How's your home life?" "It's good." I want to pour gasoline in every room and light this place on fire.

"So, what are you going to do about your grades?" "I'm going to focus more." No, I'm going to ignore them until I finally have the courage to kill myself.

Somehow they could tell that something was wrong with me..... and they spent two hours trying to convince me to start therapy sessions. I kindly refused. It was stressful because they didn't believe a word I said. I just don't want to see a therapist because I believe it would be a waste of time considering I don't want any advice or help.

And whenever my father was in the room he spent the whole time just talking about himself. I'd she asked me a question in his presence he would relate it back to himself. How he thinks he needs therapy and that he just lost his job and that he's "tired too". I'm surprised the counselor didn't role their eyes.

He also kept making up lies about me and over dramatizing every little thing. This man is so delusional the he actually believes he knows who I am. But the person he was describing in that counseling office was a completely different human being. And the only reason he wants me to go to therapy is not because he knows I'm suicidal, but because he wants to "bring back my smile" and "have a daughter again".

I spent the rest of the day sleeping and now I'm eating a plate of rice. It's 8:17 on a Monday night. Tomorrow I have off from school and I plan on killing myself. Wish me luck.

He does love you though. I know that's not helpful to your situation, but some parents wouldn't even be aware if you smile or not! No, that doesn't take your pain away but it's something. Anyway, I wish you luck and hope if you don't succeed, you find brighter days, and not by setting the world ablaze!!

 

[Maudlin]

Today I saw a counselor who was apart of an evaluation process to make sure I'm not suicidal. I spent two hours trying to sell a story that I'm normal and that texting the 988 number was a one time incident.

"Do you have friends?" "Yes, a couple." No, I haven't talked to another person my age since 7th grade.

"How's your home life?" "It's good." I want to pour gasoline in every room and light this place on fire.

"So, what are you going to do about your grades?" "I'm going to focus more." No, I'm going to ignore them until I finally have the courage to kill myself.

Somehow they could tell that something was wrong with me..... and they spent two hours trying to convince me to start therapy sessions. I kindly refused. It was stressful because they didn't believe a word I said. I just don't want to see a therapist because I believe it would be a waste of time considering I don't want any advice or help.

And whenever my father was in the room he spent the whole time just talking about himself. I'd she asked me a question in his presence he would relate it back to himself. How he thinks he needs therapy and that he just lost his job and that he's "tired too". I'm surprised the counselor didn't role their eyes.

He also kept making up lies about me and over dramatizing every little thing. This man is so delusional the he actually believes he knows who I am. But the person he was describing in that counseling office was a completely different human being. And the only reason he wants me to go to therapy is not because he knows I'm suicidal, but because he wants to "bring back my smile" and "have a daughter again".

I spent the rest of the day sleeping and now I'm eating a plate of rice. It's 8:17 on a Monday night. Tomorrow I have off from school and I plan on killing myself. Wish me luck.

You're a good writer. You snagged me, and pulled me right into the story.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like such a tiring experience that you had. I think that some people don't understand the fact that not everyone wants to exist in the world, the truth is that life is not for everyone. But I hope that when the time is right for you to leave this world you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[makethepainstop]

This is why I am very tight lipped when it comes to discussing my feelings of hopelessness. There are always those happiness brigades wanting to find the flimsiest excuses for you to live. As in this X-FILES, "Trust no one!"

 

[dead lightbulb]

You're a good writer. You snagged me, and pulled me right into the story.

Haha thanks :)

 

[Nirrend]

Today I saw a counselor who was apart of an evaluation process to make sure I'm not suicidal. I spent two hours trying to sell a story that I'm normal and that texting the 988 number was a one time incident.

"Do you have friends?" "Yes, a couple." No, I haven't talked to another person my age since 7th grade.

"How's your home life?" "It's good." I want to pour gasoline in every room and light this place on fire.

"So, what are you going to do about your grades?" "I'm going to focus more." No, I'm going to ignore them until I finally have the courage to kill myself.

Somehow they could tell that something was wrong with me..... and they spent two hours trying to convince me to start therapy sessions. I kindly refused. It was stressful because they didn't believe a word I said. I just don't want to see a therapist because I believe it would be a waste of time considering I don't want any advice or help.

And whenever my father was in the room he spent the whole time just talking about himself. I'd she asked me a question in his presence he would relate it back to himself. How he thinks he needs therapy and that he just lost his job and that he's "tired too". I'm surprised the counselor didn't role their eyes.

He also kept making up lies about me and over dramatizing every little thing. This man is so delusional the he actually believes he knows who I am. But the person he was describing in that counseling office was a completely different human being. And the only reason he wants me to go to therapy is not because he knows I'm suicidal, but because he wants to "bring back my smile" and "have a daughter again".

I spent the rest of the day sleeping and now I'm eating a plate of rice. It's 8:17 on a Monday night. Tomorrow I have off from school and I plan on killing myself. Wish me luck.

Hi sweet @dead lightbulb

I'm really sorry you're going through such pain... everybody in this world deserve happiness and love, so, I really wish to find the peace you truely deserve

I understand the anxiety you felt during the call, nothing is more stressful and bothering than being treated only like a piece of flesh that need to be "saved" by doctors, nurses, psychiatrists. In fact, the way they behave is the reason why a lot of people don't trust them anymore and I would say, this is also why people aren't seeking for help anymore.

When the suicidal crisis reach its climax, for the patient, there's a feeling like nothing can bring him back or change his mind. This is totaly understandable because, all along the crisis, people are yelling inside themselves for help, but nobody comes and it's often to late to obtain their trust.

It's like progressively climbing a cliff, and going right over the cliff, to jump. As long as a person is walking through the void, we can stop them, but you seems to be on the verge of jumping..

I'm really sorry, because I guess that you see health carers like pro-lifer that only act because of law and morality..

I won't say a thing about your choice because if you're in peace with it, I think that this is what we can only wish you.

Sadly, each departure is tragic, I wish you the best, your pain is legitimate and you seemed really prepared. Wathever your choice, I wish you the best <3
Your pain is true, we can feel it

Sending you love <3

 

[dead lightbulb]

Hi sweet @dead lightbulb

I'm really sorry you're going through such pain... everybody in this world deserve happiness and love, so, I really wish to find the peace you truely deserve

I understand the anxiety you felt during the call, nothing is more stressful and bothering than being treated only like a piece of flesh that need to be "saved" by doctors, nurses, psychiatrists. In fact, the way they behave is the reason why a lot of people don't trust them anymore and I would say, this is also why people aren't seeking for help anymore.

When the suicidal crisis reach its climax, for the patient, there's a feeling like nothing can bring him back or change his mind. This is totaly understandable because, all along the crisis, people are yelling inside themselves for help, but nobody comes and it's often to late to obtain their trust.

It's like progressively climbing a cliff, and going right over the cliff, to jump. As long as a person is walking through the void, we can stop them, but you seems to be on the verge of jumping..

I'm really sorry, because I guess that you see health carers like pro-lifer that only act because of law and morality..

I won't say a thing about your choice because if you're in peace with it, I think that this is what we can only wish you.

Sadly, each departure is tragic, I wish you the best, your pain is legitimate and you seemed really prepared. Wathever your choice, I wish you the best <3
Your pain is true, we can feel it

Sending you love <3

Thank you for your beautiful words

 

[Nirrend]

Thank you for your beautiful words

❤❤