thatguyakira123
Experienced
- Apr 10, 2018
- 217
I don't know why I always give life a try. I have made up my mind to ctb on my 30th birthday. But recently things have been going good for me. Started standing up for myself, still had no job, but was extra motivated to get one. Getting really good at skateboarding and having two places to escape too (Ricks Metal Bar and Chaguramas Skatebaording Warehouse, tho I rarely have money to go there all the time). All of my extra confidence came from the fact that I was smoking more weed and the fact that we have an emergancy no. for social services if my brother gets to be too much again. I even had a therapist, she wasn't much help but atleast there was a pysical person I could talk too. So decided to not kill myself as yet and really give life all I've got
Now Wednesday is my mom's birthday. Wednesday is also one of my skateboaring days where I use the yard. Since I assumed she was having the party that day (turns out she is having it on Saturday and she never told me) I decided to skate today. I had half an hour left in the yard, I only spend an hour. My uncle and his family came to visit. He told me to open the gate. I SPECIFICALLY told him "I'm using the yard to park on the side". He started arguing with me telling me how "he has stuff to get out of the car", "that is how you does treat people when they come by you?", "I see why your older brother and you don't get along".
Now if you know me, then you know how abusive my brother is and how my family KNOWS this and does nothing about it. When he said that thing about my older brother and me, that's when I snapped and started angryly calling my mom. When my mom came to talk to him, the fucker was lieing and repeated the shit about me and my older brother. And that was it, we just started arguing and I started cussing him away. The old fucker wanted to fight me. One hit from my skateboard's tuck and he would be dead.
I'm not happy I lost my cool but at the same time you can't come and be an inconvience to me and expect me to obey. Adults make compromises, I was giving him one, he was refusing it. Oh and the lie he told my mom, he said that "I never said anything about using the yard". WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LIE, I hate social interaction. When he was arguing he said how I'm ignorant and I don't listen when he literally was the ignorant one when he didn't want to compromise and chose not to listen when I said I was using the yard.
He's angry cuz when family or people come home by me I pass them straight and don't tell them sitaram (hi). Thing is I am an introvert and I have anxeity so I avoid people also I tell people hi when they say it to me 1st. Also my family including them was never there for me when I was or will be abused by my brother, or the years I was bullied or beaten in school or when I had to go through finding my sexuality and being gay in a homophobic country or dealing with my mental illness or dealing with my addiction or dealing with being an atheist in a super relgious country. They'll talk about how I don't have a job, but literally will not help me get one and they literally was not there for me when my father died. I always had to deal with stuff on my own anyways but given what they have done to me, not saying hi or having no social interation with them is nothing in comparisson.
Ofcourse my older brother used this as an oppotuinity saying "see what I have to deal with". Bitch always gets what he wants and everyone bends to his will. He literally has nothing to deal with. He makes a 5 figure income, his university classes is paid for by the government, he literally only pays half of the internet bill and that's it. My mom, plays the victim saying "well I does stay quiet". Naturally she believes him but what hurts the most is that she never came to talk to me to see if I was alright. No instead she stayed there and hang out with them. Cuz being courtious is more important than my feelings and my mind. And she knows about my mental state. She treats it like nothing.
As usual I tried to talk to acquaintances and my cousin, all of which either never replied back, never wanted to get me out of here or didn't have time to talk. Tho my cousin did inform me about fiverr, as that is the most helpful thing he could do.
Take my advice, don't wait, don't believe in life, definately don't trust anyone. You are all that you've got.
Now Wednesday is my mom's birthday. Wednesday is also one of my skateboaring days where I use the yard. Since I assumed she was having the party that day (turns out she is having it on Saturday and she never told me) I decided to skate today. I had half an hour left in the yard, I only spend an hour. My uncle and his family came to visit. He told me to open the gate. I SPECIFICALLY told him "I'm using the yard to park on the side". He started arguing with me telling me how "he has stuff to get out of the car", "that is how you does treat people when they come by you?", "I see why your older brother and you don't get along".
Now if you know me, then you know how abusive my brother is and how my family KNOWS this and does nothing about it. When he said that thing about my older brother and me, that's when I snapped and started angryly calling my mom. When my mom came to talk to him, the fucker was lieing and repeated the shit about me and my older brother. And that was it, we just started arguing and I started cussing him away. The old fucker wanted to fight me. One hit from my skateboard's tuck and he would be dead.
I'm not happy I lost my cool but at the same time you can't come and be an inconvience to me and expect me to obey. Adults make compromises, I was giving him one, he was refusing it. Oh and the lie he told my mom, he said that "I never said anything about using the yard". WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LIE, I hate social interaction. When he was arguing he said how I'm ignorant and I don't listen when he literally was the ignorant one when he didn't want to compromise and chose not to listen when I said I was using the yard.
He's angry cuz when family or people come home by me I pass them straight and don't tell them sitaram (hi). Thing is I am an introvert and I have anxeity so I avoid people also I tell people hi when they say it to me 1st. Also my family including them was never there for me when I was or will be abused by my brother, or the years I was bullied or beaten in school or when I had to go through finding my sexuality and being gay in a homophobic country or dealing with my mental illness or dealing with my addiction or dealing with being an atheist in a super relgious country. They'll talk about how I don't have a job, but literally will not help me get one and they literally was not there for me when my father died. I always had to deal with stuff on my own anyways but given what they have done to me, not saying hi or having no social interation with them is nothing in comparisson.
Ofcourse my older brother used this as an oppotuinity saying "see what I have to deal with". Bitch always gets what he wants and everyone bends to his will. He literally has nothing to deal with. He makes a 5 figure income, his university classes is paid for by the government, he literally only pays half of the internet bill and that's it. My mom, plays the victim saying "well I does stay quiet". Naturally she believes him but what hurts the most is that she never came to talk to me to see if I was alright. No instead she stayed there and hang out with them. Cuz being courtious is more important than my feelings and my mind. And she knows about my mental state. She treats it like nothing.
As usual I tried to talk to acquaintances and my cousin, all of which either never replied back, never wanted to get me out of here or didn't have time to talk. Tho my cousin did inform me about fiverr, as that is the most helpful thing he could do.
Take my advice, don't wait, don't believe in life, definately don't trust anyone. You are all that you've got.
Last edited:
