Today is the day?

[bcl001]

I think today might be the day. My will has been penned, notes to loved ones written and there's a bolted anchor in my garage and a noose with my name on it.

I have been depressed as long as I remember. Though my last break up has finally broken me beyond repair. For the first time, in addition to the warm blanket of despair, which I often wear I can no longer envision a future with me in it. Its simply gone. I think that's finally my call to arms.

What this will do to the loved ones around me breaks what little heart I have left. If I could ease the pain this will cause I would but I can't. I can't continue staying alive for their sake. I've lasted as long as I can. I hope I've brought them some happiness and maybe these memories carry them through the misery.


Method: Full suspension hang off a climbing rope anchored to the cement ceiling in 3 spots. From testing I struggle with the knot behind. It awfully uncomfortable. Having the knot to the front right seems to do the trick though advice welcome

 

[Dliena]

I can't really give you any advice but I can only wish you eternal peace and luck with whatever choice you make.

 

[bcl001]

Thank you friend. I came here looking to complete research and yet found a community of people who seem to understand me (despite myself lurking in the shadows of the forum). Its certainly been unexpected

 

[bcl001]

Well this is a lot harder than expected. I just feel like I'm being choked

 

[Praestat_Mori]

There's a hanging Megathread. If you pass out quickly (=compressing the arteries) it's most likely peaceful bc you're unconscious in less than 30 sec. In any case full suspension is the way to go If you're sure about your decision to CTB. once you kicked the chair and can't grab anything you will die sooner or later.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I wish u all the best and good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope you find peace.

 

[Meteora]

Can you have the know at the side somehow? I ve been thinking about that, too, I ll chose the same method.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you ll find peace.

 

[SVEN]

Every good wish for your achieving peace and rest.

 

[mortuarymary]

Hope you seek peace

 

[bcl001]

Despite best efforts I'm just getting choked. I fear my carotid arteries are well hidden

 

[rozeske]

Full suspension can be scary and seems to have a bit stronger SI. I wish you luck in your plans and I hope you can find your peace whatever you decide in

 

[FuneralCry]

It's horrible how people have to struggle so much to die, I find it so cruel how people cannot die in a peaceful, guaranteed way and have to resort to methods like that in the first place. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Wishing you peace if you are still going through with it.

 

[bcl001]

Thank you all.

Unfortunately yesterday wasn't the day. I tried a dozen times but couldn't seem to find the artery and pass out. I don't think hanging is for me. It is not the peaceful experience I was looking for.

My other options are fall from height and the much more niche vehicular decapitation. I think I'll transition to the former. I'm a rock climber so I think I'll abseil a meter over the edge and then just let go of my rope. I hope that + plus a handful of benzos will overcome the SI. I'm already completely desensitized to heights but for most, myself included it's the going over the edge which is the scary bit.

For now I have broken and gone to my parents. I am breaking their heart which breaks mine. I wonder how much worse it is to just lose a son then spend their life worrying they're going to lose him at any moment. What a cruel old world this is