Today is hell, too many regrets :(

[Nem]

I don't know where to start but I've ruined my life by taking dangerous meds and then afterwards going through horrific withdrawals from benzos that caught me off guard.
I've lost a lot of friends and stopped going on social media for the last couple of years, I'm so suicidal today it's scary. I had a serious reaction to meds and then couldn't get over the damage and ended up trying to take my life a year and a half later.
My fiancé broke up with me the day after I had made the plan and I felt like an idiot for even making the plan. If this site had been around I might've been able to avoid a lot of this hell. I've lost almost everything now, for some reason I couldn't get over the damage from the meds and it even damaged a fairly recent relationship as well.
I am in serious trouble right now with how I am feeling, this is getting close to the end and it's getting quite scary. I have to finish myself off but a close friend is trying to get me to stay alive but my life feels finished...help

peace/hugs

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I also deal every day with my regrets. And memories will haunt me for the rest of my life. It's like a terror movie my mind is forced to watch everyday. It's a torture.

 

[R_N]

My life is also ruined by withdrawal. I am even taking the same med that caused it and it is not helping. Trying to tapper eventually. What is your worst symptom? Mine is insomnia.

 

[Nem]

My life is also ruined by withdrawal. I am even taking the same med that caused it and it is not helping. Trying to tapper eventually. What is your worst symptom? Mine is insomnia.

I'm sorry to hear that! Insomnia is a large part for sure and it's rough. I had a severe reaction just before the massive withdrawals and it did me in, it was tough getting through each day and it still is. Do you see any improvement?
Peace/hugs

 

[BPD Barbie]

Regret is a horrible feeling. But what's done is ultimately done, what matters now is how you come back from the regret. It's very easy to dwell on what was but harder to look forward. Sorry that you've experienced so much shit recently, there isn't much I can say that will change anything, but we're all here, rooting for you from the sidelines. If you need to talk, my DMs are open

 

[R_N]

I'm sorry to hear that! Insomnia is a large part for sure and it's rough. I had a severe reaction just before the massive withdrawals and it did me in, it was tough getting through each day and it still is. Do you see any improvement?
Peace/hugs❤

Not much unfortunately. If I knew better I would have tappered down little by little from the start. I almost went cold turkey and was meds free for 10 days. Got hit hard by withdrawal. I had to reinstate one of the meds because I couldn't sleep. Like I said it is not helping much now. Insomnia is my main reason for ctb. Not sleeping is horrible. I have a lot more symptoms but that takes the cake. And being forced to take this poison of a med again.

I wish you well and I hope you get better as well.

 

[Egddios]

Not much unfortunately. If I knew better I would have tappered down little by little from the start. I almost went cold turkey and was meds free for 10 days. Got hit hard by withdrawal. I had to reinstate one of the meds because I couldn't sleep. Like I said it is not helping much now. Insomnia is my main reason for ctb. Not sleeping is horrible. I have a lot more symptoms but that takes the cake. And being on poison (med).

I wish you well and I hope you get better as well.

Not sleeping IS horrible, ugh. I'm real sorry you're going through this.

Putting aside the strong desire to CTB you're feeling now, would you be willing to talk with a psychiatrist and start back on meds again, or get things straightened out? Why did you quit cold turkey? I quit cold turkey off all meds in September and I was doing surprising well and then October came and I quickly deteriorated further, something I didn't think possible. I've been on many different med combos through the years, I almost hate taking them. I'm grateful to not be on an antipsychotic anymore (Goodbye, Seroquel). Anyway, I'm not trying to talk you out of anything here, just trying to understand and maybe give some helpful advice. I wouldn't normally suggest going to a hospital BUT...and it's a huge but, it could be helpful here.

 

[R_N]

Not sleeping IS horrible, ugh. I'm real sorry you're going through this.

Putting aside the strong desire to CTB you're feeling now, would you be willing to talk with a psychiatrist and start back on meds again, or get things straightened out? Why did you quit cold turkey? I quit cold turkey off all meds in September and I was doing surprising well and then October came and I quickly deteriorated further, something I didn't think possible. I've been on many different med combos through the years, I almost hate taking them. I'm grateful to not be on an antipsychotic anymore (Goodbye, Seroquel). Anyway, I'm not trying to talk you out of anything here, just trying to understand and maybe give some helpful advice. I wouldn't normally suggest going to a hospital BUT...and it's a huge but, it could be helpful here.

Maybe you misunderstood, no surprise since English is not my native language. I am back on the med but it is not helping now. My psychiatrist knows about it and I take her recommended dose. Unfortunately things are not improving much. I never had problem with insomnia before meds btw. I read a lot horror stories about people who barely sleep after taking same meds and stoping. Forever.

Anyway I don't want to derail this thread further it is impolite to Nem. Thanks for caring tho. I appreciate it.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I don't know where to start but I've ruined my life by taking dangerous meds and then afterwards going through horrific withdrawals from benzos that caught me off guard.
I've lost a lot of friends and stopped going on social media for the last couple of years, I'm so suicidal today it's scary. I had a serious reaction to meds and then couldn't get over the damage and ended up trying to take my life a year and a half later.
My fiancé broke up with me the day after I had made the plan and I felt like an idiot for even making the plan. If this site had been around I might've been able to avoid a lot of this hell. I've lost almost everything now, for some reason I couldn't get over the damage from the meds and it even damaged a fairly recent relationship as well.
I am in serious trouble right now with how I am feeling, this is getting close to the end and it's getting quite scary. I have to finish myself off but a close friend is trying to get me to stay alive but my life feels finished...help❤

peace/hugs

Nem...check out bluelight...https://www.bluelight.org/xf/forums/...love and hugs Nem.

 

[Sweet Release]

I also deal every day with my regrets. And memories will haunt me for the rest of my life. It's like a terror movie my mind is forced to watch everyday. It's a torture.

I can relate. Sheer Hell!

 

[Final Escape]

Yea sounds like how I've been feeling. Tonight I felt that sense of purposelessness. The feeling like im
hanging by a thread. The despair, I took a pic and I looked tragic. I always want to remain hopeful but I'm just so tired. It would be easier to ctb than to continue to try to live. Go out while I still have the ability in a humane way.