Today I bought a shotgun.

[NumbOne1]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 22 year old guy in NY and I bought a shotgun today. I was surprised how easy it was.

Now that I have the thing it's sitting in my basement with ammo right in the box. It doesn't make me feel like moving forward is easier knowing I have an out, it's more just ominous to me that it's ready to go.



IF you're interested in my story — I've been pretty depressed since about october. There wasn't any particular catalyst, except for the fact that I got really tired of my (objectively great) software development job and the general routine of going to work, coming home to my lonely apartment (though I had two roommates I isolated myself) and repeating.

This just didn't get better, and I think I made it worse by not going out etc.

However I think my moods are incredibly seasonally driven. This past summer was easily the best summer of my life, but when things turned chilly and darker, I walled up and going out lost its appeal completely. Spending a ton of time in my room alone I think led me to where I am now.

Last month I stepped down from my job and tomorrow I'm moving my stuff out of my nyc apartment to settle back in at the family home in the suburbs.

I keep asking for signs of going one way or another and as I was typing this post, an old close friend whose husband is a big wig at JP Morgan told me that she might have a job for me. Jobs in my field aren't hard to come by, but this would be a unique opportunity and I would have a strong connection to my boss off the bat.

Nothing has been of any interest to me in the past couple months, but this really caught my attention and I just now started to feel like my old self, even if only for a little bit.

Seeing that my spark may still come back I'm holding off on CTB but keeping the gun around. I dearly want to have the mental state back that I had in the summer, and if that's a real possibility I can't end it all here.

Thanks for reading, this post certainly didn't turn out as I expected

 

[SettOne1994]

Spending a ton of time in my room alone I think led me to where I am now.

same here adding up to the cannabis heavy usage which made it more easy to spend time alone , and finally video games on my computer. Disaster combination for this age.
Also going from the city to my village was also part of my life but i had noone waiting there for me. I stayed 4 months and developed schizophrenia and a real fucking deal of antisocialism.Indeed having shotgun makes it easier but ive never spend a happy season the past 5 years almost. Why you consider opting out while your happy experience was just some months before. Maybe you need to think what made that time special , was it people the travelling or a special other? Maybe finances? Im saying this since you havent got the sickness yet a lot have of staying idle for a long period of time thinking suicide as a viable option which is easier then actually doing things in life , and your healthier mentally. Myself im trapped into my thinking system (time does its thing) and i cant disregard suicide as an option. Easy way out.... but you sayed last summer has been awesome and i think you got more chances then i do....Also living with 2 roomates and never spending time with them its not nice. For either of you. I wish i had someone to spend miserable time with but i dont. Also finished for computers like you but never went in university. I mean you got a viable source of income and its easy as waking up making coffee and sitting in your home coding...
PS: so many things in common its really funny i noticed your profile name. Check out mine

 

[mesohappy]

Good on you for giving it one last shot..You have a efficient way out there with the shotty if things don't get better..Firearms would be my first choice as well.Very reliable with the correct aim and proper positioning.I hope you find that old spark again,maybe the whole change of scenery will bring it back.No hurry,right? What did you get a 12 gauge or 20? Just out of curiosity,do they background check in NY for shotgun purchase?

 

[TAW122]

That's great to hear and that you have a way out now. I hope you are able to find peace whether it is to continue moving forward in life or CTB.

 

[toomuchgrief]

I'm in Arizona and my state is more lenient on guns than as compared to NY.

OP. Can you tell me how the process of you get your gun in *your* state NY?

 

[NumbOne1]

Why you consider opting out while your happy experience was just some months before. Maybe you need to think what made that time special , was it people the travelling or a special other? Maybe finances? Im saying this since you havent got the sickness yet a lot have of staying idle for a long period of time thinking suicide as a viable option which is easier then actually doing things in life , and your healthier mentally.

Myself im trapped into my thinking system (time does its thing) and i cant disregard suicide as an option. Easy way out.... but you sayed last summer has been awesome and i think you got more chances then i do....Also living with 2 roomates and never spending time with them its not nice. For either of you. I wish i had someone to spend miserable time with but i dont. Also finished for computers like you but never went in university. I mean you got a viable source of income and its easy as waking up making coffee and sitting in your home coding...
PS: so many things in common its really funny i noticed your profile name. Check out mine

That's a good question - what made it happy was that I was just so adventurous. For example, I would be down to go out to a new bar I haven't been before even if it was like 45 mins away on the subway with cool guys I just met. And I would absolutely love going to fire island every chance I got... My mental state was just completely the opposite then versus now, I was really interested in different things, - now even my favorite places and things have little spark for me. In that way I'm trapped in my thinking system too.

As for the roommates, it was totally my fault and not theirs. One of them I was friendly with for a while, and then I walled up and spent as much time as possible alone in my room so he kinda got the picture

I didn't finish university either which makes me even luckier that I have some experience in the field and can get work.

its easy as waking up making coffee and sitting in your home coding...

Honestly that's how I should think of it objectively... though that grew to really strain me too on days working from home and it was just a mental battle every day. I used to hate working from home because I liked being around people but now it's admittedly really nice and helpful. The possible job lead I have wouldn't be much of that though, it'd be mostly in person

Thanks for the reply SetOne :)

Good on you for giving it one last shot..You have a efficient way out there with the shotty if things don't get better..Firearms would be my first choice as well.Very reliable with the correct aim and proper positioning.I hope you find that old spark again,maybe the whole change of scenery will bring it back.No hurry,right? What did you get a 12 gauge or 20? Just out of curiosity,do they background check in NY for shotgun purchase?

Thanks for that :) I sure do, and yeah, no hurry.

I got a 12 gauge pistol grip shotgun. I basically went on the site of my local store and sorted by popularity on shotguns and took the first. What's nice is it's not huge and I was able to hide it well in the basement

And yes, they did a background check

I'm in Arizona and my state is more lenient on guns than as compared to NY.

OP. Can you tell me how the process of you get your gun in *your* state NY?

Process was really simple - just walked into a gun store (which was a mental battle to win in of itself lol) asked to check out the gun I had already looked at online, asked a couple questions about it and said I'll take it. They then rang me up, packaged it, and ran my background check (which took about 20 minutes). It was really easy and the shotgun plus the ammo cost me about $450

 

[HopeDiesLast]

Sounds like seasonal affective disorder maybe? It's very common and treatable. No harm in talking to a health care professional about it.

 

[NumbOne1]

Sounds like seasonal affective disorder maybe? It's very common and treatable. No harm in talking to a health care professional about it.

Yeah I have talked to a couple about it. It's pretty likely I have it - what's frustrating is the main solution is just to wait out the cold season, hope you feel better in the spring, and then start to rebuild your life that you dismantled over the cold season. Being aware of the cycle is helpful and frustrating because on one hand you know that hopefully the depressive bouts end. But on the other hand, you know the happy bouts will end too and you'll keep going around like a dishwasher lol.

The true escape I guess would be to move somewhere warmer, like Florida or something. I don't know how realistic that is, but something I'll explore more seriously now that I've taken things apart here in ny

 

[Berlin76]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 22 year old guy in NY and I bought a shotgun today. I was surprised how easy it was.

Now that I have the thing it's sitting in my basement with ammo right in the box. It doesn't make me feel like moving forward is easier knowing I have an out, it's more just ominous to me that it's ready to go.



IF you're interested in my story — I've been pretty depressed since about october. There wasn't any particular catalyst, except for the fact that I got really tired of my (objectively great) software development job and the general routine of going to work, coming home to my lonely apartment (though I had two roommates I isolated myself) and repeating.

This just didn't get better, and I think I made it worse by not going out etc.

However I think my moods are incredibly seasonally driven. This past summer was easily the best summer of my life, but when things turned chilly and darker, I walled up and going out lost its appeal completely. Spending a ton of time in my room alone I think led me to where I am now.

Last month I stepped down from my job and tomorrow I'm moving my stuff out of my nyc apartment to settle back in at the family home in the suburbs.

I keep asking for signs of going one way or another and as I was typing this post, an old close friend whose husband is a big wig at JP Morgan told me that she might have a job for me. Jobs in my field aren't hard to come by, but this would be a unique opportunity and I would have a strong connection to my boss off the bat.

Nothing has been of any interest to me in the past couple months, but this really caught my attention and I just now started to feel like my old self, even if only for a little bit.

Seeing that my spark may still come back I'm holding off on CTB but keeping the gun around. I dearly want to have the mental state back that I had in the summer, and if that's a real possibility I can't end it all here.

Thanks for reading, this post certainly didn't turn out as I expected

Dude really do not do it..
Dont kill yourself.

What you have is just a minor setback of mental state. Maybe you ar just working to much on the computer and you just need more interaction with people or get more energy by physicall activity.

You dont suffer from mental illness or trauma from what i am reading. And you only have this a few months.
So man up and get moving this is nothing compared to other people's lives.

And for the people who congratulate him on his way out, where the fuck are your minds. You guys hardly try to really read the only thing you guys see is gun, depressed and thats it, wtf.

 

[Soul]

Yeah I have talked to a couple about it. It's pretty likely I have it - what's frustrating is the main solution is just to wait out the cold season, hope you feel better in the spring, and then start to rebuild your life that you dismantled over the cold season. Being aware of the cycle is helpful and frustrating because on one hand you know that hopefully the depressive bouts end. But on the other hand, you know the happy bouts will end too and you'll keep going around like a dishwasher lol.

The true escape I guess would be to move somewhere warmer, like Florida or something. I don't know how realistic that is, but something I'll explore more seriously now that I've taken things apart here in ny

There are lamps you can buy that generate the same spectrum as sunlight, and spending just a few minutes a day with them on can keep seasonal affect disorder at bay. Please get yourself one of those, and please also get a full physical checkup. You don't want to blow your brains out over a vitamin deficiency or something like that.

We don't want you to either x

 

[k75]

Yeah I have talked to a couple about it. It's pretty likely I have it - what's frustrating is the main solution is just to wait out the cold season, hope you feel better in the spring, and then start to rebuild your life that you dismantled over the cold season. Being aware of the cycle is helpful and frustrating because on one hand you know that hopefully the depressive bouts end. But on the other hand, you know the happy bouts will end too and you'll keep going around like a dishwasher lol.

The true escape I guess would be to move somewhere warmer, like Florida or something. I don't know how realistic that is, but something I'll explore more seriously now that I've taken things apart here in ny

Look into SAD lights! Amazon has tons, and a lot of people say they really help.

 

[Ghost2211]

It doesn't sound like you've hit the hopeless point. Being lonely around people can be worse than being lonely alone. Either surround yourself with people that make you feel good, or have a couple pets that will give unconditional love. its good to hear you have job offers, and you have the potential for stability.

often times having the tool for our given method makes us feel better. It gives a sense of relief, power, of simply a way out if we need it. Please make sure if you choose that route you read up on how and where to shoot. It's horrific when shooting oneself goes wrong.

I'm glad you found us. if You need a friend to talk to I'm always here. You're not alone when you have us <3

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Congratulations on your purchase. Here's hoping you never need it. First, basic gun safety: your trigger should have a lock and your ammo should be stored under lock and key, preferably somewhere different from the firearm. These are things that you can easily take care of if the time comes, but they will protect others.

Just so you know, Florida does have seasons, but they're less pronounced and we average an extra hour of sunshine per day. It can help, but people here do get SAD.

Is there something you're interested in that can help you come out of your self-imposed isolation? At different times, I've joined a makers group and a volunteer group just to get me out of the house. If you find an active group, they'll pull you right out of your funk. Walking in the first time is really hard, but it gets easier. I am crazy shy, but these folks are generally so happy to see you, they'll do all the work.

I'm going to sound really ancient now, but check out what your local library has to offer. Many of them have 3-D printers and with computer skills, you'd be a star. There are also english conversation groups where they need people to help new english speakers just by having simple conversations with them. You won't have to worry about revealing anything about yourself because the idea is to engage the other person.

Welcome to SS. I think you may find, as many of us here have, that just having this outlet, is a great deal of help.

 

[nbn]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 22 year old guy in NY and I bought a shotgun today. I was surprised how easy it was.

Now that I have the thing it's sitting in my basement with ammo right in the box. It doesn't make me feel like moving forward is easier knowing I have an out, it's more just ominous to me that it's ready to go.



IF you're interested in my story — I've been pretty depressed since about october. There wasn't any particular catalyst, except for the fact that I got really tired of my (objectively great) software development job and the general routine of going to work, coming home to my lonely apartment (though I had two roommates I isolated myself) and repeating.

This just didn't get better, and I think I made it worse by not going out etc.

However I think my moods are incredibly seasonally driven. This past summer was easily the best summer of my life, but when things turned chilly and darker, I walled up and going out lost its appeal completely. Spending a ton of time in my room alone I think led me to where I am now.

Last month I stepped down from my job and tomorrow I'm moving my stuff out of my nyc apartment to settle back in at the family home in the suburbs.

I keep asking for signs of going one way or another and as I was typing this post, an old close friend whose husband is a big wig at JP Morgan told me that she might have a job for me. Jobs in my field aren't hard to come by, but this would be a unique opportunity and I would have a strong connection to my boss off the bat.

Nothing has been of any interest to me in the past couple months, but this really caught my attention and I just now started to feel like my old self, even if only for a little bit.

Seeing that my spark may still come back I'm holding off on CTB but keeping the gun around. I dearly want to have the mental state back that I had in the summer, and if that's a real possibility I can't end it all here.

Thanks for reading, this post certainly didn't turn out as I expected

Eventhough I respect ur decision, I strongly think that it is not at all a valid reason for CTB. It seems like u have a very good future. Please take care. I wont stop u if u have any chronic physical or mental illness.

 

[Deleted member 14573]

I believe you asked for a sign and you received it. The sign is telling you that there is something important and exciting waiting for you on this side.

It's good that you have moved out of your previous environment -- this is a chance for you to recover. Please go outside, socialise and get the help that you need. You're still so young and you have opportunities in your life. You are experiencing setbacks that can be overcome with the right help and mindset. Please don't shoot yourself over this.

Feel free to message me.

 

[toomuchgrief]

OP, don't you have a waiting period to get your gun? I never heard of the state of New York give you your gun on the "SAME" day you walk in the store and purchase. Aren't you suppose to come back later to pick it up?

Like this law in this article say about in New York:

Why you may have to wait 30 days to purchase a gun in New York

The law is the latest in a series of gun-reforms to be enacted this year.

www.democratandchronicle.com

 

[NumbOne1]

It doesn't sound like you've hit the hopeless point. Being lonely around people can be worse than being lonely alone. Either surround yourself with people that make you feel good, or have a couple pets that will give unconditional love. its good to hear you have job offers, and you have the potential for stability.

often times having the tool for our given method makes us feel better. It gives a sense of relief, power, of simply a way out if we need it. Please make sure if you choose that route you read up on how and where to shoot. It's horrific when shooting oneself goes wrong.

I'm glad you found us. if You need a friend to talk to I'm always here. You're not alone when you have us <3

Thanks a lot RoseyBird, and what you said about being lonely around people can be worse than being lonely alone is really true and well said

Congratulations on your purchase. Here's hoping you never need it. First, basic gun safety: your trigger should have a lock and your ammo should be stored under lock and key, preferably somewhere different from the firearm. These are things that you can easily take care of if the time comes, but they will protect others.

Just so you know, Florida does have seasons, but they're less pronounced and we average an extra hour of sunshine per day. It can help, but people here do get SAD.

Is there something you're interested in that can help you come out of your self-imposed isolation? At different times, I've joined a makers group and a volunteer group just to get me out of the house. If you find an active group, they'll pull you right out of your funk. Walking in the first time is really hard, but it gets easier. I am crazy shy, but these folks are generally so happy to see you, they'll do all the work.

I'm going to sound really ancient now, but check out what your local library has to offer. Many of them have 3-D printers and with computer skills, you'd be a star. There are also english conversation groups where they need people to help new english speakers just by having simple conversations with them. You won't have to worry about revealing anything about yourself because the idea is to engage the other person.

Welcome to SS. I think you may find, as many of us here have, that just having this outlet, is a great deal of help.

Thanks for the kind reply and all the advice (: Honestly at the moment I'm sapped of interest for anything, but hopefully that'll come back at some point and I'll find something to help me heal. My mother's all about ~pushing through even when you don't feel like it~ and I see the idea in that, but the reality is for me that I'm miserable when when 'pushing through' so I don't see the benefit. I will try to find something though. This depression won't really kick itself

Again thanks for the honest ideas (:

I believe you asked for a sign and you received it. The sign is telling you that there is something important and exciting waiting for you on this side.

It's good that you have moved out of your previous environment -- this is a chance for you to recover. Please go outside, socialise and get the help that you need. You're still so young and you have opportunities in your life. You are experiencing setbacks that can be overcome with the right help and mindset. Please don't shoot yourself over this.

Feel free to message me.

Thanks a lot for the kind reply (: I just finished moving out today - it's somewhat relieving, hopefully that feeling will grow. Appreciate your positivity

OP, don't you have a waiting period to get your gun? I never heard of the state of New York give you your gun on the "SAME" day you walk in the store and purchase. Aren't you suppose to come back later to pick it up?

Like this law in this article say about in New York:

Why you may have to wait 30 days to purchase a gun in New York

The law is the latest in a series of gun-reforms to be enacted this year.

www.democratandchronicle.com

This might vary by county. In my county I was able to just walk in never having wanted a gun before and walk out with one within 30 min. I know that for all NYC boroughs you can't buy any gun without a permit

 

[Potiphera]

I don't want to tell anyone they don't have a valid reason to CTB, but it's always better to live if you can live a life you find enjoyable, or at least tolerable.

You've not told us much about your background, understandably, but if this is one really low mood in your life - no matter how low it is - I'd exhaust all options to get help before CTB. If living can be okay, then it's better to live than to die.

If last summer you were truly happy, then it sounds like you have a life worth living to feel that way again. It sounds like you have a promising career, but if that's not making you happy, don't think "well, I should be happy cause I have this great career". Society puts too much stock in the material things. Focus on what does make you happy. Can you take a short vacation somewhere sunny? That may help your SAD. Can you speak with your doctor (I sound like a pharmaceutical ad and we don't even have those here) about how you've been feeling? A short period of medication might help. Remember, the aim is not to turn you into a grinning blinking member of society. The aim is for you to feel better. Aim for that. If it doesn't work, you've still got the gun, but you feeling better is the better option here.

 

[Elias]

Slightly jealous of US folks.

Highly jealous.

 

[Blueberry Jelly]

I was involuntarily committed to a mental health facility, so I'm not able to purchase a firearm (That's my understanding of Texas law, maybe I'm wrong). I'd love to have one around... something about knowing a quick twitch of the finger is all it'd take. I could leave my job and isolate myself for a while, and just get things done with in a flash.

Had a friend who used a shotgun a long time ago. They're... very efficient. So no worries there. With that being said, it's good that you're waiting things out. I think the only person who decides if you should live or die is yourself... not family, not friends, not obligations you may have, and most importantly NOT depression. If you come to the conclusion you want to die, make sure it's what you want as opposed to what you feel you have to do.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

WHat I would do to land a software development job in NEw York city, i don't know even know how to code lmao. You're living the dream imo.