To the people who aren't 100% sure to ctb, are you scared of...?

[lnlybnny]

Missing out on experiences?

Forget about the bad things.

I am talking about all the feelings, happenings, events you will lose.

New music, concerts, books, films. Enjoying the rain's scent, looking at sunrises and sunsets, having a lovely drink and meal. The feeling of your heart fluttering interacting with someone you love, hugging them and feeling their presence. The cold breeze touching your skin; overall being able to enjoy your senses.

 

[thgilrats]

no, not really. i used to be scared of missing things out when i was a teenager because i had this obsession with learning everything or at least most of things. i mean, new (or just pleasant) experiences are nice but it's not enough to hold someone here.

what's more, we all will miss out on things because we will eventually die. a couple of decades is not a significance difference if you think about it.

 

[LunarLight]

Of course. We only have one life and fear of missing out is one of the few reasons I still want to give life a chance.

 

[lnlybnny]

Of course. We only have one life and fear of missing out is one of the few reasons I still want to give life a chance.

Are you sure you want to give it a chance? Sometimes I have this idea but it evaporates when I think of my situation

 

[LunarLight]

Are you sure you want to give it a chance? Sometimes I have this idea but it evaporates when I think of my situation

Well… yeah. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.

 

[anopenwound]

I'm still here 'cause there's a tiny bit of hope in my heart that one day I'll wake up and I won't feel this way anymore. But it's getting tinier by the minute. I'm 30 now. I didn't have many nice moments in life. I don't think there's many chances I'll have them. Which is why I'm planning.

I'm also scared, obviously. I don't want my SI to kick in and get this feeling of "oh no, what have I done" right before I die. I wanna feel at peace. I wanna say that this world is crushing everything I have left but a lot of it comes from my mind: I'm sick. I got an illness and it's getting worse. I keep on fighting but I gotta be realistic, I'm losing. There's little reason left for me to be here, and what little reason is still there is getting destroyed by my mind. I think there's more than a good chance that I will soon reach the point where I'll actually have nothing to live for anymore. Then I'll know. Then I'll do it.

 

[lnlybnny]

Well… yeah. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.

we know it's not that simple

I'm still here 'cause there's a tiny bit of hope in my heart that one day I'll wake up and I won't feel this way anymore. But it's getting tinier by the minute. I'm 30 now. I didn't have many nice moments in life. I don't think there's many chances I'll have them. Which is why I'm planning.

I'm also scared, obviously. I don't want my SI to kick in and get this feeling of "oh no, what have I done" right before I die. I wanna feel at peace. I wanna say that this world is crushing everything I have left but a lot of it comes from my mind: I'm sick. I got an illness and it's getting worse. I keep on fighting but I gotta be realistic, I'm losing. There's little reason left for me to be here, and what little reason is still there is getting destroyed by my mind. I think there's more than a good chance that I will soon reach the point where I'll actually have nothing to live for anymore. Then I'll know. Then I'll do it.

I feel you. I'm approaching 30s and I feel awful about it. But that tiny little hope keeps going inside me. It's so scary to think of SI kicking in in the form of ''look at everything you'll miss out on!'' even if your life is shitty.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I'm 55 so already experienced much of life. Old age isn't something I look forward too.

 

[LunarLight]

we know it's not that simple

To me, it's that simple. I'm just giving my own opinion, this is not a general statement.

 

[CatLove56]

Missing out on experiences?

Forget about the bad things.

I am talking about all the feelings, happenings, events you will lose.

New music, concerts, books, films. Enjoying the rain's scent, looking at sunrises and sunsets, having a lovely drink and meal. The feeling of your heart fluttering interacting with someone you love, hugging them and feeling their presence. The cold breeze touching your skin; overall being able to enjoy your senses.

when basic human experiences have been robbed from me for a variety of reasons, you'll have to understand why I feel like saying fuck society every day.

 

[vitbar]

Yes very much. As horrible as I can feel at my worst I do have good times also. Suicide ends both as far as I see it.

 

[hematomatema]

I'm more afraid of all my problems being temporary. If there were someone here to say "Yes, this or that will not be cured or fixed or be capable of being altered or simply not be true for you for the majority of your life/for such a long period that sustaining life becomes largely irrelevant" then I would go for it. However, that's just not how that works. All the things I'm afraid about might just be misconceptions my brain has created about itself, or things that might be curable even now with just a simple medication, possibly even something as simple as vitamin deficiency or needing some therapy to work through and become more aware of those issues. There's no way to tell. What if something gets developed for me in the next year and I've just lost out on 99 years more of positive life all because I couldn't be patient? That's what stops me

 

[pleaseiwanttogo]

I never though about that. I don't mind what I would loose because I wouldn't know about it lol. But besides that, my answer would be finding the love of my life, building a life with them. Watching everyone I love getting older, the kids traveling, discovering themselves, getting married, having their own life's. I would also be sad about not getting to know the world, other countries and cultures, never meeting people who could become important to me. I would miss the laughs, the family gatherings, going out with friends, falling in love and out of love, dancing, going to parties and meeting random people who I would never see again, contributing with good things to the world, tasting delicious food, so many things... It's actually very sad to think of never seeing my family and friends getting older, never going to my friend's weddings and crying of happiness, meeting their kids since the womb and watching them growing up. Never meeting any possible nephews and nieces, taking my sibling to the altar, watching them finding their place in the world... So many things. But I need to add: now with the right treatment and living in better circumstances I can see all those possibilities, but I couldn't before. I still plan to CTB, but it's a bit in the future now, I want to enjoy some things a little bit more.

 

[Surai]

Its gotten to the point where I im just tired or "waiting" "you know what Ill finish up here and move on to the next level" hmm I wonder when that will be (maybe when I get too bored or its just too painfull to wait) while i wait let me just distract myself you know occupy myself with something, maybe even get passionate for this thing until it waries before the time comes. you know what its getting too painfull having to plau this level over and over agin let me just log out. Actually ive grown out of this game i think its time i just unplug it and move on

 

[Catch-22]

I haven't had the time alone in order to CTB. And I'm disabled which makes it almost impossible to get to a hotel. I am cursed in life and I'm afraid I will take it with me to my death. I feel like I can't escape this curse

 

[guineapiglover8503]

Missing out on experiences?

Forget about the bad things.

I am talking about all the feelings, happenings, events you will lose.

New music, concerts, books, films. Enjoying the rain's scent, looking at sunrises and sunsets, having a lovely drink and meal. The feeling of your heart fluttering interacting with someone you love, hugging them and feeling their presence. The cold breeze touching your skin; overall being able to enjoy your senses.

I still consider myself quite young and fear that I will miss out on the future. I have aspirations to be in medicine and meet someone. I also just don't know what the afterlife holds and I never really question it. I'm Jewish and in Judaism they don't talk about it much either so my personal thoughts about it are that I don't know. Part of me just wants to wait and see how things go before I do something

 

[lnlybnny]

To me, it's that simple. I'm just giving my own opinion, this is not a general statement.

If you're in this forum it means you don't want to give it a chance completely yet

 

[Parnate]

Inability to daydream

 

[lnlybnny]

I'm more afraid of all my problems being temporary. If there were someone here to say "Yes, this or that will not be cured or fixed or be capable of being altered or simply not be true for you for the majority of your life/for such a long period that sustaining life becomes largely irrelevant" then I would go for it. However, that's just not how that works. All the things I'm afraid about might just be misconceptions my brain has created about itself, or things that might be curable even now with just a simple medication, possibly even something as simple as vitamin deficiency or needing some therapy to work through and become more aware of those issues. There's no way to tell. What if something gets developed for me in the next year and I've just lost out on 99 years more of positive life all because I couldn't be patient? That's what stops me

Exactly. Sometimes I wonder if this is just an easily fixable imbalance in my brain and what would happen if I got it figured out but I lack the energy and motivation to even go after it. I'm scared SI might kick in when in the last minute I think "what if I had tried to get treatment?" Or something. As harsh as my situation is I still get these conflicting feelings I shouldn't be having because I know I need to go asap

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't believe I'll be able to miss those things when I die. So for me, it's a basic equation I guess. What do I still enjoy in life? Many things similar to you actually: music, films, nature, the smell after it rains, food. All lovely... Do they make life itself worth living? No. Could I change my life so that I get to enjoy those things more? No. That's my reasoning on why life doesn't feel worth my time.

The reason I'm still here isn't motivated by what I could miss out on because I'm dead. I do however fear that I could potentially fail an attempt, incapacitate myself to the degree where I'm still alive and can't appreciate those things. That's pretty terrifying. The other main reason though is the feeling of guilt- what it would do to my Dad in particular. So, I linger on reluctantly out of obligation and try to distract myself and still appreciate where I possibly can, all of the above.

 

[Dot]

Missing out on experiences?

Forget about the bad things.

I am talking about all the feelings, happenings, events you will lose.

New music, concerts, books, films. Enjoying the rain's scent, looking at sunrises and sunsets, having a lovely drink and meal. The feeling of your heart fluttering interacting with someone you love, hugging them and feeling their presence. The cold breeze touching your skin; overall being able to enjoy your senses.

Am missng out on all thse thngs n.e.wy

Slf cnnt intract wth n.ethng tht invlvs connctn or snses

 

[yariousvamp]

No, I'm only scared of failing and ending up disabled or/and with brain damage.

Lol concerts? That's a privilege that isn't available in my country, except for mid rappers from my country, lol.

 

[GalacticWarrior777]

Scared that during my attempt, I'll switch sides one again, and won't be able to save myself, regretting everything I have done.

 

[unknown23]

I'm scared of failure, of the consequences of any attempt going wrong. The potential injury. I'm scared of my family seeing me slowly deteriote and having to pull the plug if people found me before I actually died. I'm scared I will make others feel the way I do, it is more likely for someone who has known someone to commit suicide to have suicidal thoughts themselves. I'm happy if this was my lot, the future for me personally is scarier than the idea of killing myself. Death is the only certainty in life, and therefore the certainty in a constantly unknown, uncertain changing world is comforting. I am not scared of missing out on things I am scared of doing those things personally.

 

[LunarLight]

If you're in this forum it means you don't want to give it a chance completely yet

I'm here because I used to want to kill myself, I no longer want to because my treatment (amisulpride) works. Now I want to help my fellow suicidal people.
Why do you feel the need to contradict me? You don't know better than me what I think.

 

[natthebrat]

no, i dont care about any of that. if i learned anything during the pandemic, its that i personally would much rather just do without something i want than have to suffer to get it. not to mention ill be unconscious with no memory of anything regardless, i wont even be capable of wanting those things anyway.

 

[AAE]

Missing out on experiences?

Forget about the bad things.

I am talking about all the feelings, happenings, events you will lose.

The only reason I'm not 100% is because I'm scared of how afterlife will be like. I'm well-studied about it but since I live in a chaotic dystopia with no peace or comfort, not a moment of rest for over 9 years now, almost no rights, multiple chronic illnesses and disabilities, I'll never be allowed to focus on trying to reach peace of mind. My closest loved ones are all dead. I can only watch a movie or listen to music rarely at night when the neighbors aren't awake (3 am to 7 am) and I can take my earplugs out. There's nowhere affordable to move where it's not like here because the native population in my country Sweden has lost almost all their rights to violent islamists just because everyone is just as scared of them as I am.

The other reason I'm not 100% is because I want to peacefully fall asleep without pain but because of the oppression against those who can't live, it's impossible to find peaceful methods.

And even if I had been economically independent, being alone and severely ill removes all hope of ever feeling happiness again. There's no love for people like me when even healthy people are mostly only met with hate.

I've lived my life and "only" turning 40 soon, but aged prematurely and feel like 80. I actually have one 91 year old distant relative who is healthier than me.

I love movies, series, music, games, lots of stuff but I couldn't care less about missing out.

 

[Reflection]

I'm more afraid of all my problems being temporary

Same for me, I think that my issue still hasnt been set into stone completely just yet so that i can fullt go "fuck it, im done" without a shdaow of doubt...I was almost going to make that mistake last week but I'm sort of content in a way that things took a different direction instead.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Most of all i am scared of the pain and suffering.
But as far as the kind of experiences you are talking about, I can't think of a single event in my personal life that I even have or would look forward to.
For the everyday stuff, I find I sometimes get more depressed when something I have been sort of looking forward to happens. For instance, if there is a book, new music, TV show that I read or hear about that's upcoming I always think to myself I'll do it if I'm still here, but I would rather I be dead by then. So when the event actually happens, I am always kind of pissed i got to see it happen.

 

[HopeToStay]

At the beginning of my current ongoing health scare which thrust me right back into suicidal ideation like never before, yes this was my biggest worry. I still had so many things that i wanted to do and it made me sad thinking that might be it for me. But eventually i realised, that if you don't exist, you can't experience missing out on anything anyway, so none of that matters really.

So plan is to source some N, and just have it around, and then i can go on as if i'm going to do all the things i wanted to do. And if i do have to go through with it i won't committ to ctb until the last moment.