To sum up

[happynot]

Well it's been almost a month since I am hereI know I don't want to die, it's just that I am facing a loss that I don't know how to handle, I do all the steps required therapy, doctor going out, took a small break from work, already discussing for a new one but nothing really gives me joy at this time in my life, except from thinking ways to end it.
my problem is that none of the methods seem to work for me, I bought SN but I am afraid I dont get it with the protocols, the gun seems the best but I cannot have access to one, I just want to end my pain, no matter how many pills I take or how many therapy sessions I do it's not gonna give me back what I lost and I have decided its up to here, I dont even care about the pain I might cause, I am writing all these and I would appreciate if you didn't judge me... I am reading the megathred methods and trying to see how any help would be nice (I know you cannot tell me ways) thanks for reading

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find what you search for, it sounds like you've suffered a lot in this cruel existence but anyway best wishes, I personally just really wish it's not so difficult to die, I wish suicide is as straightforward as choosing to never wake.