Discussion To die happy

[smile418]

The longer I am on this site the more I realize that every suicide, it's circumstances and the motivation behind it is very different.
I am very curious to whether you want to be happy in the days, hours or moments before you catch the bus. Or is life just this bad that you want all the pain to stop? The question essentially is if you fundamentally don't want do be living even if there are periods of happiness or if the current period of "sadness" is strong enough to end it right now.

The source where I first encountered this way of thinking was "My reality, my thoughts" from that League of Legends pro-player that killed himself.

As for me I have experienced both ways of thinking but currently it is not essential for me to "die with a smile on my face".

Looking forward to your answers.

 

[Eridanos]

Usually there are periods of happiness in every life. Even in many people's lives in this forum there may be some periods of happiness. Those periods though are temporary and usually don't match the sadness one feels most of the time.
Periods of happiness are not just sparse and temporary but are also unpredictable, it's far easier to predict when you are going to feel low than when you are going to feel happy so an individual cannot even live just awaiting for happiness.

 

[Otter]

The longer I am on this site the more I realize that every suicide, it's circumstances and the motivation behind it is very different.
I am very curious to whether you want to be happy in the days, hours or moments before you catch the bus. Or is life just this bad that you want all the pain to stop? The question essentially is if you fundamentally don't want do be living even if there are periods of happiness or if the current period of "sadness" is strong enough to end it right now.

The source where I first encountered this way of thinking was "My reality, my thoughts" from that League of Legends pro-player that killed himself.

As for me I have experienced both ways of thinking but currently it is not essential for me to "die with a smile on my face".

Looking forward to your answers.

For me (and I'm older) it's a weight issue. Is what I'm having to put into it equal to what I get out of it? Obvs age sort of plays into it. If I'm younger I know that there's more time ahead to hope for change. But being older and it hasn't changed, so therefore not very hopeful it would change for my future. Kind of hard to explain, but maybe you get it? You just start losing hope after a while.

 

[JSauter]

I don't need to die happy. I simply want to die without agony.

 

[Miljonar]

Going in and out of depressions and panic-attacks everytime more often makes me so tired.
I have nothing to complain about makes it worse.
So happy or sad I hope it will end soon!

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

The source where I first encountered this way of thinking was "My reality, my thoughts" from that League of Legends pro-player that killed himself.

He seemed to have an existential crisis. I'm not happy and I won't be. I want my last hours to be peaceful.

 

[smile418]

He seemed to have an existential crisis. I'm not happy and I won't be. I want my last hours to be peaceful.

Yes I believe what you are citing is after his first failed attempt. What I was referring to was written before this attempt quite a while ago.
I think I read that his death is confirmed now which means that his second try worked.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

My emotional world is just too complex and ambiguous to answer such a question. Of course I am not happy that I have to die; but I am also not in a perpetual state of pain and agony;

Honestly it doesn't really matter; I see it as something that has to be done for my own sake; whether I am in a 'good' state or a 'bad' state when the day comes is pretty much irrelevant from an intellectual standpoint; only benefit to being in pain the days before doing the deed is that it will lower my inhibitions.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I'm always dumbfounded when I see a poster here in the prep stage, updating his/her status and exit plan yet joking around, typing "lol," etc.

I also feel deep admiration, respect and jealousy for those taking on such a task with some verve intact but it still blows me away.
- Not sure I can do that while being riddled with so much regret, dread, anxiety, fear and panic.

Part of me realizes....life & death, suicide = big deal...transfers happen every minute.
How's one more life going to have any impact? Get on with it, etc.

But when the time comes creeping closer and those miserable feelings start spiking, then suddenly it all does feel like such a big deal. I get pre-SI like crazy. Can hardly even get a good plan moving.....and I have many reasons to do it. :(

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm always dumbfounded when I see a poster here in the prep stage, updating his/her status and exit plan yet joking around, typing "lol," etc.

I often have some cognitive dissonance when I see that. Sometimes I think it's an emotional survival response, like laughing at the darkest, or dissociation from what is just too much to handle. And sometimes it feels troll-y, but I try to consider it may just be one of the former two reasons. Ultimately I just gotta disengage and go do a little self-soothing. :)

 

[justfloating]

The longer I am on this site the more I realize that every suicide, it's circumstances and the motivation behind it is very different.
I am very curious to whether you want to be happy in the days, hours or moments before you catch the bus. Or is life just this bad that you want all the pain to stop? The question essentially is if you fundamentally don't want do be living even if there are periods of happiness or if the current period of "sadness" is strong enough to end it right now.

The source where I first encountered this way of thinking was "My reality, my thoughts" from that League of Legends pro-player that killed himself.

As for me I have experienced both ways of thinking but currently it is not essential for me to "die with a smile on my face".

Looking forward to your answers.

I need to have the urge in order to take the jump and so my circumstance would need to be really bad, but if I could give the person I love a hug and an 'I love you' before I did it then it would give me the peace to actually do it. to die with a comforted heart

 

[calendulo]

Well, to realize that every person is different, it is not a big deal.
But I agree...target is to die with a big smile in your face. When oneself has get a good life but him or her vital projecting is finished, seems to be a good solution the self deliverance.

Guess there will be people who has not any suffering, no need suffering and pain to want an eternal break.

 

[reapandsow918]

For me, dying would be the most relieving and pleasurable act. Having to deal with my miserable self, death is the ultimate solution. It's like freedom. So when the times come, I will be happy.

 

[tooStupidForExitBag]

For me being happy the moments before death is very important. If I choose to kill myself I want it to be because I've considered all options and accepted death as the correct one, I want to feel at peace with my choice.

 

[oxymoron]

The longer I am on this site the more I realize that every suicide, it's circumstances and the motivation behind it is very different.
I am very curious to whether you want to be happy in the days, hours or moments before you catch the bus. Or is life just this bad that you want all the pain to stop? The question essentially is if you fundamentally don't want do be living even if there are periods of happiness or if the current period of "sadness" is strong enough to end it right now.

The source where I first encountered this way of thinking was "My reality, my thoughts" from that League of Legends pro-player that killed himself.

As for me I have experienced both ways of thinking but currently it is not essential for me to "die with a smile on my face".

Looking forward to your answers.

Well we can die happy thinking that the suffering would end with our death?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Well we can die happy thinking that the suffering would end with our death?

Of course. The minutes before drinking my SN will be happy because I'm knowing my pain will be over soon.

 

[oxymoron]

Of course. The minutes before drinking my SN will be happy because I'm knowing my pain will be over soon.

Fuuuuuuuuck. I sometimes wonder how fucking bad life has got. I can now truly understand why people commit suicide.