Venting To ctb or not to ctb?

[RickSanchez2022]

My life is shit. I had a drug induced psychotic episode where I lost my business. Lost the love of my life. I feel pathetic. I've been deeply depressed for months. I was hospitalized in mental institutions twice. I'm so afraid of failing but also don't have any motivation to recover. I don't enjoy anything. I can't even enjoy music because every other song either reminds me of my psychotic episode or my ex. I just keep obsessing with how I want my old life back.
I wish I could tell my friends I'm thinking about ctb. Say goodbye to everyone. Enjoy the last days of my life without anyone trying to stop me.

 

[jodes2]

After my psychotic episode I couldn't listen to music either, it reminded me of the critical messages I thought I was receiving from the music. You should talk to your friends about your plan to CTB, it's worth being open and seeing how far it gets you. Maybe some will be understanding with a bit of persuasion and convincing. Good luck, I hope you get some of your life back soon

 

[SexyIncél]

If you choose ctb, I think it's possible to gently probe friends to see if they'll betray you to the cops. Those "friends" I keep at a distance. They're dangerous

(Maybe pretend you have a suicidal friend & ask their advice?)

Luckily, some friends are totally chill about it. One friend's even a friendly psychopath, intrigued by my demise

 

[RickSanchez2022]

After my psychotic episode I couldn't listen to music either, it reminded me of the critical messages I thought I was receiving from the music. You should talk to your friends about your plan to CTB, it's worth being open and seeing how far it gets you. Maybe some will be understanding with a bit of persuasion and convincing. Good luck, I hope you get some of your life back soon

How long ago was your psychotic episode?

 

[jodes2]

How long ago was your psychotic episode?

The least one was a year ago. The first one was 15 years ago

 

[RickSanchez2022]

The least one was a year ago. The first one was 15 years ago

Drug induced or unrelated? How many did you have? How long did it last?

 

[jodes2]

Drug induced or unrelated? How many did you have? How long did it last?

Unrelated to psychiatric drugs, although my psych would blame the weed I was off weed for most of them. They all lasted about 4 weeks (4 episodes), antipsychotics rescued me from them even if it did mean weight gain, low libido and restlessness as side effects

 

[4hrs50min]

My life is shit. I had a drug induced psychotic episode where I lost my business. Lost the love of my life. I feel pathetic. I've been deeply depressed for months. I was hospitalized in mental institutions twice. I'm so afraid of failing but also don't have any motivation to recover. I don't enjoy anything. I can't even enjoy music because every other song either reminds me of my psychotic episode or my ex. I just keep obsessing with how I want my old life back.
I wish I could tell my friends I'm thinking about ctb. Say goodbye to everyone. Enjoy the last days of my life without anyone trying to stop me.

I'm exactly in your spot, lost job and love through psychosis. 3 times even, the third time being the worst. Obsession about the old life fills most of my days and I've made prettying much 0 progress since last psychosis 3 months ago. Also hospitalized twice, was so surreal being in there, but the truth is I've been doing drugs for years and I had it coming. I often think that things would be much less agonizing if I didn't know for a fact that it's 100% my own doing.. actions have consequences, I want to escape them one way or another but I'm clueless; recovery seem impossible, survival instinct much to strong for ctb

 

[Hollowillow]

My life is shit. I had a drug induced psychotic episode where I lost my business. Lost the love of my life. I feel pathetic. I've been deeply depressed for months. I was hospitalized in mental institutions twice. I'm so afraid of failing but also don't have any motivation to recover. I don't enjoy anything. I can't even enjoy music because every other song either reminds me of my psychotic episode or my ex. I just keep obsessing with how I want my old life back.
I wish I could tell my friends I'm thinking about ctb. Say goodbye to everyone. Enjoy the last days of my life without anyone trying to stop me.

Don't do drugs anymore, start a new business, get a new lover? I ruined my lufe just by cleaning so I can't judge. But I'm so impressed that you accomplished all that! If the psychiatric drugs didn't mess you up too much, you can try again. It destroyed my sister. They cause psychosis, I use B vitamins to prevent that and heal my brain damage from a car hitting me. So focus on self care to heal... Then maybe... But if you're burned out and want to quit life, I know how it feels. I failed to start my career and was never loved. Drugs fucked you up, but you have talent. The bitch abandonned you in your time of need, good riddance. You can find better. Just take it easy. The ship might not sink, but I wish mine did.

 

[RickSanchez2022]

Don't do drugs anymore, start a new business, get a new lover? I ruined my lufe just by cleaning so I can't judge. But I'm so impressed that you accomplished all that! If the psychiatric drugs didn't mess you up too much, you can try again. It destroyed my sister. They cause psychosis, I use B vitamins to prevent that and heal my brain damage from a car hitting me. So focus on self care to heal... Then maybe... But if you're burned out and want to quit life, I know how it feels. I failed to start my career and was never loved. Drugs fucked you up, but you have talent. The bitch abandonned you in your time of need, good riddance. You can find better. Just take it easy. The ship might not sink, but I wish mine did.

What do you mean you wish your did?

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have suffered a lot, it must had been really awful having to deal with all that. It's understandable wishing that you could tell others about your plans, I do hate how we live in a world where our right to die is not respected and that others would rather have us suffer until old age. I wish you the best.

 

[RickSanchez2022]

In order to take AE I need to stop taking my antidepressants. Every night I stare at the pill for an hour and eventually take it. Except for one night a week ago when I didn't. But then the next day I took it. It's so hard to decide