endupdead
Member
- Nov 15, 2024
- 39
I haven't posted for a long time, I'm on vacation but it hasn't been a big deal either, I spend my time lying down, cleaning, reading, playing video games, watching series. I started watching Twin Peaks and I guess that series is one of my safe places. I haven't been able to get a job, maybe because I don't want to or because I feel like I'm too tired for that. I spend my time looking at the scars on my arm, hating my body, my mind, feeling paranoid, looking out the balcony, the windows, my room is always dark. I eat too much, sometimes I don't eat at all. I sleep too much and sometimes I stay up until 5 in the morning to avoid nightmares where I'm killed or abused. I've felt alone, but at the same time I say that I'm better off this way, I don't even talk to my "friends." I've considered going to the psychologist again, but I don't have any money and the psychologists here are mostly useless, we already have to check if their professional licenses are real. I started writing a book that tells everything I went through, I don't know, it's like a kind of catharsis. I often think that when I finish it, I'll probably die or I don't know if it's a stupid excuse to stay alive. It's sad because I had more projects in mind than in my head, they could be a success or maybe I'm hallucinating. In short, everything is still fucked up, I just stopped by to say hello and vent a little because I can't do that with anyone.
