I'm so tired of pretending like I care about or want anything. I don't care about my future. I don't WANT a future. The people around me know this very well. Yet they don't care. They force me to keep trying. They don't even pretend "it gets better" because they know it won't for me. They don't care. If I was gone they would feel bad about themselves, and I wouldn't be able to do tasks for people. So that's why they force me to stick around. They force me to do things. I don't want to do anything. Just let me rot away to nothing. Call me selfish, if you want. I don't care anymore. Maybe it is selfish but I'm tired of pretending I care more about other people's guilt, than my own desire to stop existing.
People know I'm addicted to drugs and cutting myself to cope with being alive. They don't fucking care. They force me to stay alive for their own selfish needs and desires. And pretend it's for my sake, that I have to try, for my future, for the tiny off-chance that things get better. They know I've been like this for several decades now. They KNOW it doesn't actually get better, and that it's just a lie. They don't care. They say I'm selfish for all the things I do and feel but they won't allow me to do the one selfish thing I want to do.
I'm so fucking tired.
People know I'm addicted to drugs and cutting myself to cope with being alive. They don't fucking care. They force me to stay alive for their own selfish needs and desires. And pretend it's for my sake, that I have to try, for my future, for the tiny off-chance that things get better. They know I've been like this for several decades now. They KNOW it doesn't actually get better, and that it's just a lie. They don't care. They say I'm selfish for all the things I do and feel but they won't allow me to do the one selfish thing I want to do.
I'm so fucking tired.
