Tired of being fake

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Tired of being fake and being the person that is portrayed... social media, Friendships, family gatherings, I'm so tired. Nothing gives me happiness anymore.

I've tried it all, but I just can't seem to shake that feeling... I'm not worth being remembered. I'm easily disposed of, no one truly cares.

Suicide hotline calls/texts have been ridiculous, outing myself to friends have proven fruitless, my family doesn't acknowledge mental issues... I am alone.

Things keeping me alive today? My dog, my 2 teenage kids, and beer. Numbing my emotions have been ok so far, but it's been difficult.

Why am I here? Well... my son was prescribed opioids. They're calling my name since he's not taking them anymore (there's plenty to OD on).

Decades of battling... when do you stay or when do you call it quits?

I'm afraid when my dog dies, I die with her.... she's 8...

I'm just grateful to not feel alone in my pain... it helps to not feel so alone anymore. Dmmt. I feel awful for the latest suicide to grow news stories on this site, but this site... it's helping. Thank you for sharing your pain with me. Even if it is anonymously.

 

[thesongbird]

Why did you reproduce?

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Why did you reproduce?

I was with their dad for over a decade and it happens... they're here now, so why is that even a question?

 

[Retched]

I had to drop off the face of the social networking planet. It's too triggering. I have to be fake every day at work. It's slowly killing me with anxiety. I can relate to your post. I have a teen keeping me alive too and love beer. Unfortunately, I've found food too. There are other parents here. Just FYI. You're not alone. This place is therapeutic. Thank you for sharing. I could have written your post- it's so familiar.

 

[thesongbird]

I was with their dad for over a decade and it happens... they're here now, so why is that even a question?

Because its cruel. Prehaps imagine your newly created life going through what youre going through right now, and know that it could have been avoided.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

I had to drop off the face of the social networking planet. It's too triggering. I have to be fake ever day at work. It's slowly killing me with anxiety. I can relate to your post. I have a teen keeping me alive too and love beer. Unfortunately, I've found food too. There are other parents here. Just FYI. You're not alone.

Thank you... there is nothing else that is out there that I can be this authentic but not be labeled as "commitable" and away from my life as I know it... so... Cheers

Because its cruel. Prehaps imagine your newly created life going through what youre going through right now, and know that it could have been avoided.

Trust me... I sat in the ER with my suicidal 13 year old daughter for hours on end and my 15 year old son as equally in mental pain but doesn't reach out for help. I know that pain and regret. But they're here now... & I'm doing the best I can as a single mother.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

Tired of being fake and being the person that is portrayed... social media, Friendships, family gatherings, I'm so tired. Nothing gives me happiness anymore.

I've tried it all, but I just can't seem to shake that feeling... I'm not worth being remembered. I'm easily disposed of, no one truly cares.

Suicide hotline calls/texts have been ridiculous, outing myself to friends have proven fruitless, my family doesn't acknowledge mental issues... I am alone.

Things keeping me alive today? My dog, my 2 teenage kids, and beer. Numbing my emotions have been ok so far, but it's been difficult.

Why am I here? Well... my son was prescribed opioids. They're calling my name since he's not taking them anymore (there's plenty to OD on).

Decades of battling... when do you stay or when do you call it quits?

I'm afraid when my dog dies, I die with her.... she's 8...

I'm just grateful to not feel alone in my pain... it helps to not feel so alone anymore. Dmmt. I feel awful for the latest suicide to grow news stories on this site, but this site... it's helping. Thank you for sharing your pain with me. Even if it is anonymously.

I prefer scotch myself.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Afraid I dont have anything really super productive to add but I understand on some level.

Nobody knows how to deal with mental health issues. I think it's best to remember that telling people we are struggling is not enough.

Nobody knows how to deal with that - so give them an idea what may help you, if you know ( I never do)

Best of luck.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

I prefer scotch myself.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Afraid I dont have anything really super productive to add but I understand on some level.

Nobody knows how to deal with mental health issues. I think it's best to remember that telling people we are struggling is not enough. And I agree, I don't know what the answer is either.

Nobody knows how to deal with that - so give them an idea what may help you, if you know ( I never do)

Best of luck.

Thank you, so much. It helps to know I'm not alone. I appreciate your sentiments, even if you are a scotch lover. :) it's all in the same.

Know you are not alone either. No one knows until they're in this space. It's a very lonesome place sometimes. This site makes it less difficult...

Thank you.

 

[Donewith_]

Tired of being fake and being the person that is portrayed... social media, Friendships, family gatherings, I'm so tired. Nothing gives me happiness anymore.

I've tried it all, but I just can't seem to shake that feeling... I'm not worth being remembered. I'm easily disposed of, no one truly cares.

Suicide hotline calls/texts have been ridiculous, outing myself to friends have proven fruitless, my family doesn't acknowledge mental issues... I am alone.

Things keeping me alive today? My dog, my 2 teenage kids, and beer. Numbing my emotions have been ok so far, but it's been difficult.

Why am I here? Well... my son was prescribed opioids. They're calling my name since he's not taking them anymore (there's plenty to OD on).

Decades of battling... when do you stay or when do you call it quits?

I'm afraid when my dog dies, I die with her.... she's 8...

I'm just grateful to not feel alone in my pain... it helps to not feel so alone anymore. Dmmt. I feel awful for the latest suicide to grow news stories on this site, but this site... it's helping. Thank you for sharing your pain with me. Even if it is anonymously.

This remembers me of my mother. she was a single mother who raised us alone,till I was 11..my dad started living with us at that time.
My dad is verbally, emotionally abusive, narcissistic because of which my mom got very depressed before some years, did not take treatment, but she is ok now.
I wish I was not born to her because I know she is too good to be a mom to a person like me.
I feel guilty because I am not able to make her happy and I owe her a lot.
I hope it would be a bit easier to cope when I leave.

and I'm sorry you are dealing with this, I know how that path is.
I hope you would get enough strength to deal with this.

 

[PatKat]

Sorry you feel this way, and I understand my "mask" broke almost a year ago and it is not able to be hidden anymore. You are in a great place with lots of people that understand. It's much easier to not hide here to me. I dont talk to anyone in the real world this is my only place to talk. If ya ever need to chat feel free to send a message my way.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

This remembers me of my mother. she was a single mother who raised us alone,till I was 11..my dad started living with us at that time.
My dad is verbally, emotionally abusive, narcissistic because of which my mom got very depressed before some years, did not take treatment, but she is ok now.
I wish I was not born to her because I know she is too good to be a mom to a person like me.
I feel guilty because I am not able to make her happy and I owe her a lot.
I hope it would be a bit easier to cope when I leave.

and I'm sorry you are dealing with this, I know how that path is.
I hope you would get enough strength to deal with this.

Thank you for sharing this experience. Just know from a Mother's perspective... you are probably her pride and joy, there is no other bond like a mom and child. No one can be held responsible for someone else's happiness, that's an inside job. Hugs. Losing a child is heartbreaking, please know you matter. Especially to her.

Sorry you feel this way, and I understand my "mask" broke almost a year ago and it is not able to be hidden anymore. You are in a great place with lots of people that understand. It's much easier to not hide here to me. I dont talk to anyone in the real world this is my only place to talk. If ya ever need to chat feel free to send a message my way.

Thank you. Agree with you.