Tired of being emotionless 24/7

[Azzy69]

I pretty much just don't experience emotions... I'm kinda just....empty, nothing.

As rude as this sounds, when I find out that someone connected to me has died I don't care. I just shrug it off. I sound completely self-centered, I know.

When I was in my course class the other day we were watching some sad movie and at the end literally everyone in the class cried except me. I just sat there like, "alright"

I can't even laugh or anything. I hate when people say to me, "you're allowed to smile" when I can't.

I feel like such a boring, emotionless loser. Not to mention I literally don't get along with any of my acquaintances.

Please tell me I'm not the only one...

 

[woxihuanni]

Not the same, but my empathy is either in the guts or cognitive, is as close as I can express. I will put a suffocating fish back in the water, I grieve when I lose someone I bond with. But cute kitty ran over by car and killed does not ruin my day. I will kill suffering bugs to end their suffering, but won't grieve because a cousin I don't even know die. As for sad movies, if I sense that the movie is TRYING to make me cry, I won't, fucker. Especially American movies are extremely transparently manipulative. I will cry if a story connects to my personal sorrows, though.

Laughter, I can genuinely laugh at black or absurd humour, and as a social behaviour. It's a way of saying 'I enjoy your company.' But most stuff that is supposed to make you laugh, I go 'alright'. Most memes disgust me rather than make me laugh.

I cannot cry for grief easily, go blank and dead inside.

Have you considered ignoring the script for what is normal to feel, and explore what happens in your mind, in your GUTS in situations that you don't run into in a plastic day? Though most would not confess it, nobody is devastated because Sally at accounting's grandmother died. Who cares? Death is not terrible, suffering is terrible.

It's possible you are wired to have no emotions, it is also possible you find yourself in a fake environment that does not call up emotions and that your emotions work differently to script.

 

[Phoenix1990]

I pretty much just don't experience emotions... I'm kinda just....empty, nothing.

As rude as this sounds, when I find out that someone connected to me has died I don't care. I just shrug it off. I sound completely self-centered, I know.

When I was in my course class the other day we were watching some sad movie and at the end literally everyone in the class cried except me. I just sat there like, "alright"

I can't even laugh or anything. I hate when people say to me, "you're allowed to smile" when I can't.

I feel like such a boring, emotionless loser. Not to mention I literally don't get along with any of my acquaintances.

Please tell me I'm not the only one...

You are definitely not the only one who feels like an emotionless loser. You are not alone. Sorry that I can't say anything of comfort right now.

 

[Laststop]

I've been isolated a lot lately. But before I was I faked emotions all the time. "I'm very sorry to hear that." It's not that I'm not sorry to hear it. I just don't feel anything because of whatever it is. Sometimes things reach me. Like woxihuanni mentioned, if something relates to me, sometimes it "makes something happen" in me in some way. I can't say if I'm being unfair to other people for it. Those who never did me any wrong. At least I'm not laughing in their face. And I can honestly say I don't lack feeling because I'm intentionally being a jerk.

 

[woxihuanni]

I've been isolated a lot lately. But before I was I faked emotions all the time. "I'm very sorry to hear that." It's not that I'm not sorry to hear it. I just don't feel anything because of whatever it is. Sometimes things reach me. Like woxihuanni mentioned, if something relates to me, sometimes it "makes something happen" in me in some way. I can't say if I'm being unfair to other people for it. Those who never did me any wrong. At least I'm not laughing in their face. And I can honestly say I don't lack feeling because I'm intentionally being a jerk.

I think this pressure to be a fucking smurf actually deadens our natural emotions. Example of pressure: I remember an obnoxious girl in her early twenties, she had huge support network, very good socio-economic status, you name it. She lost her grandmother to Alzheimer's and aggressively demanded that life stop around her, everybody grieve with her. To be honest, I was glad that her suffering ended, she had been dead a long while at that point in a sense. Anyways, I felt absolutely nothing. Why should I? Nothing in my guts, nothing in my mind.

But when I lost ford here, after a few days of knowing him, not even knowing his real name, I grieved. I grieved because he was wonderful, and in that short time I felt a bond to him. Even for people I have not personally spoken to here, when they leave it hits me in the guts. It's not tearsy sadness, but heavy.

Once you face what you CAN feel and what you simply cannot, you find you feel a lot, just in your own way.

 

[Laststop]

I think this pressure to be a fucking smurf actually deadens our natural emotions. Example of pressure: I remember an obnoxious girl in her early twenties, she had huge support network, very good socio-economic status, you name it. She lost her grandmother to Alzheimer's and aggressively demanded that life stop around her, everybody grieve with her. To be honest, I was glad that her suffering ended, she had been dead a long while at that point in a sense. Anyways, I felt absolutely nothing. Why should I? Nothing in my guts, nothing in my mind.

But when I lost ford here, after a few days of knowing him, not even knowing his real name, I grieved. I grieved because he was wonderful, and in that short time I felt a bond to him. Even for people I have not personally spoken to here, when they leave it hits me in the guts. It's not tearsy sadness, but heavy.

Once you face what you CAN feel and what you simply cannot, you find you feel a lot, just in your own way.

I feel I can completely understand where you're coming from. Back in the old days of the Internet, when chat rooms were really big, I got to know this one woman who (like everyone else) had problems. I listened to her, as did many others. I was in a private chat with her, and she just kep going on and on. Finally I couldn't take it anymore, and burst out at her that she need to handle what her troubles were, because she couldn't expect people to listen for hours on their valuable free time away from their own troubles to hers. After I had been there for her for untold eons, listening endlessly, she got indignant and got "all caps" on me, screaming I was insensitive, and how dare I? I understand how she feels when it comes to not handling problems well....I mean, I'm here. But to expect everyone in a large chat room to listen about it endlessly? It's amazing what some people expect. And I think I can understand where you're coming from with Ford. I don't connect with people very easily. We have the one thing we're all here for in common. And it's amazing we have each other for that, because it's the most pressing and serious thing that could ever be in our lives, and the one thing we can't share with others in real life.

 

[Erin Inari]

I used to be the same way for a while starting around middle school and going into college. Hardly felt emotions and when I did I repressed them though rather than exploding outwards they kind of imploded, probably contributed to a lot of my depression. Before then in my early years I felt emotions to much, like laughing at the wrong times for to long and fluctuating emotions like flipping a coin. Kind of tried to kill the emotions after a while. Since then I started to take hormones and i'm now back to before where my emotions were out of wack. Its sort of leveled out now but that kind of just makes it easier to have people believe that I am "normal" and not really as bad as I am.

 

[Darkhaven]

Well, i wouldn't mind being 100% emotionless.
Not being able to feel either good feelings and bad feelings.
But that's not my case. I can't have good emotions and feelings anymore, but i can definately feel the bad ones: sadness, melancholy, hopelessness, hate, rage, anger, envy, jealously, etc.
I wish i couldn't feel those too.