NSFW Tired - Another vent

[Lilythefenfen]

Another day, another post. Another time to complain.


I'm just exhausted. I'm tired. I'm jus so tired of living. But here I am. I'm writing another post because I guess I'm losing my mind.

I want to say that my rapist was right. I want to say I deserve the abuse I suffered at his hands. I want to say that the only way to stop them from controlling my life is to kill myself. Will he leave me alone then? Please just make it stop. I hurt so much. I hurt physically. I hurt emotionally. I keep picking scabs off my skin just to reopen old wounds to feel something. I lick the blood off my hands.

I cough a lot, from the infection you refused to treat. My lungs are scarred.

My head hurts constantly. I can't sleep. It's always too late to sleep.

I just want things to be normal again. I miss high school, when things were so simple. I'll never be a woman like I've always wanted to be. It's too late for that.

I love people, I hate to see them suffer so much. I just want people to be happy.

So why do I have to feel so much pain?



These seem like random words I'm typing out, but these are just what spring through my head at a million miles per hour. And honestly, I just need to get it off my chest.

 

[ForestGhost]

I'm sorry for the tremendous pain you're feeling. I know it won't mean much from a stranger, but your words did speak to me. Memories of the "good days" nag at me too. Sometimes I think I can rekindle that simple joy I had back then, but no, it's been lost to the current of time. I'm just too much of a broken person and life is too messy now.

ps. fuck your rapist <3