Tips on overcoming severe social anxiety

[YourLocalSadGirly]

I leave the house like once a week for therapy and maybe another time for food. People scare me to death. I'm always overly conscious of how I'm perceived by others. My therapist keeps telling me to do exposure but every time I go out I just feel even worse and then isolate even more. Need tips on how to overcome all this and also how to make new friends since I have exactly one friend. Any replies would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading and hope you have a nice day <3.

 

[Innereye]

For me, books helped greatly. It's important to understand the core of where your difficulties are beyond just the feeling of anxiety. From what your triggers are emotionally to what environments you do find yourself acclimated/sociable in.

There's a lot to this subject and I don't really do well with simplified explanations. (One of my difficulties lol)

I guess the most important thing is understanding/accepting who you are and what you want.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i dont have good tips, im still dealing with it but ill tell you what ive been doing

exposure therapy, but with coping mechanisms (ex: music)
"wanted" exposure therapy. so going to the grocery store is more of a "necessity" so finding unpleasantries is more likely because the unpleasant people have to be there as well, but a specific group/hobby, typically has a better more welcoming vibe (of course then you also have the possibility to run into the liars. "were so friendly and welcoming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" oh, sorry you missed the disclaimer that states 'only if youre exactly like us'. so still not grand, but closer)

but for me the biggest thing that "helped" was dire need. my 'ex'hus was in the hospital and i had to fend for myself, talk to docs ect. and i was mostly normal. i could handle it. i was proud of myself, and a little upset that he got out. im terrified of going back to the way i was.



so not good tips, but words from someone that understands. theres been many times i just wanted to sit down in an aisle and start bawling....
i completely get the perceived thing, sadly i think the best thing you can do is only pay attention to your bubble

 

[qw3rty259]

The main thing I'd like to say to my younger self is not to be afraid of being who you are. It's exactly the way you find like-minded people. I know it sounds cheesy but it is worth it to just accept how you look and act, and that you can be seen as cringe to some. You don't have to comply with others' expectations and you cannot be liked by everyone anyway. I think that the fear of being perceived not the way you'd like is not far away from being a hypocrite. People who are interested in you would appreciate honesty.

 

[FlufflesAway]

I'm not sure what I have, and psychiatrists make bullshit up, but one suggested that I might have avoidant personality disorder, and it does accurately describe me. For a class of people, exposure doesn't work. My body will not relax no matter how many times I place myself around others. I've been doing it for 30 years, how many more till it's supposed to work?

What has helped has been medications. Finding the right combination that keeps you calm and stops your body spazing out creates the groundwork for you to then build up social skills and positive memories around socializing. I've only recently found a combo that I think is helping, so I don't really know, but those are my thoughts.

 

[JustAnx]

I posted an answer about my SA here:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/0-achievements-in-life-and-being-a-failure.182225/#post-2706038

 

[identity0]

I'm not sure what I have, and psychiatrists make bullshit up, but one suggested that I might have avoidant personality disorder, and it does accurately describe me. For a class of people, exposure doesn't work. My body will not relax no matter how many times I place myself around others. I've been doing it for 30 years, how many more till it's supposed to work?

What has helped has been medications. Finding the right combination that keeps you calm and stops your body spazing out creates the groundwork for you to then build up social skills and positive memories around socializing. I've only recently found a combo that I think is helping, so I don't really know, but those are my thoughts.

I relate to this, what medications do you take? When I see a psychiatrist soon it seems the question will be whether i have avoidant personality disorder or high-functioning autism. I'm over 30 too and I am completely convinced that exposure doesnt work because some things ive done hundreds/thousands of times and still get major physical anxiety reactions, even basic things like buying food, even though psychologically i feel like i truly understand there is no logical reason for it

 

[FlufflesAway]

I relate to this, what medications do you take? When I see a psychiatrist soon it seems the question will be whether i have avoidant personality disorder or high-functioning autism. I'm over 30 too and I am completely convinced that exposure doesnt work because some things ive done hundreds/thousands of times and still get major physical anxiety reactions, even basic things like buying food, even though psychologically i feel like i truly understand there is no logical reason for it

I'm taking lamotrigine, propranolol, and prozac.

Yea, it's despairing. You can be 'calm' mentally. Say to yourself you're fine, you've done this so many times, you're safe, there's nothing wrong, etc. but your body continues to shake and sweat, and your vocal chords just won't work.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

For me, books helped greatly. It's important to understand the core of where your difficulties are beyond just the feeling of anxiety. From what your triggers are emotionally to what environments you do find yourself acclimated/sociable in.

There's a lot to this subject and I don't really do well with simplified explanations. (One of my difficulties lol)

I guess the most important thing is understanding/accepting who you are and what you want.

I already mostly know the reason. I'm afraid of people hating me. Even if it's just a passerby who I'll never speak to or see again I'm so afraid of them hating me I avoid going out at all. Also in terms of triggers the worst thing is being somewhere where I don't know what I'm doing or seem out of place. Because then people are bound to notice how out of place I look and judge me and then hate me. At least that's my thought process in that kind of scenario. It makes it basically impossible for me to try new things or go new places because it's my worst SA trigger basically. And I guess I'm really bad at the last thing you mentioned since I hate myself with a burning passion. That's also the reason I'm so afraid of being by others hated is that I hate myself. Very melodramatic lol. I've been this way since I was 11 or so and I don't know how to accept and love myself. So I guess those are my biggest roadblocks to recovery. I just don't know how to get over them.

 

[Leiot]

That's also the reason I'm so afraid of being by others hated is that I hate myself. Very melodramatic lol. I've been this way since I was 11 or so and I don't know how to accept and love myself. So I guess those are my biggest roadblocks to recovery. I just don't know how to get over them.

People can pick up on that. Kind of a feedback loop. They see you as being uncomfortable so they stay away. If you could go out with a friend that might help.