bakkikak
Indecisive
- Feb 23, 2024
- 11
First of all, I want to say that I am not diagnosed with anything, as I'm simply too scared to go somewhere and get treated, but I think I can safely say that I'm struggling with anorexia nervosa for over 5 years (I'm freshly 24). It started off as feeling guilty after eating, then completely stopping eating and starving myself, and after some time body dysmorphia also joined in. No matter how small I am, my brain just keeps telling me I need to loose more and more, I need to be even more smaller than I already am! I'm sick and tired of the only thing when I see food being calories, I hate being upset and angry when I get my favorite chocolate for birthday. So I'd like to recover. But it seems like no matter what I do, nothing works out. I'll either stop my bad habits and then I fall to it again, or I sort of give up on recovery so I won't "loose my weight loss progress". I just can't accept the fact that I have to gain weight to actually somehow recover. It happened one time when my friend persuaded me to try recovery (without a proffesional though, as I refused that), and I can't imagine myself being in that place again, ever. It just seems like it's impossible to fully recover for me, or maybe it's because I am alone in this? I'm thinking, that maybe I should really visit a proffesional, but I'm scared I will get hospitalised, as I'm considered severely underweight.
I apologise for any mistakes, or if my message sounds confusing, I am not a native english speaker. I'd appreaciate if anyone who is struggling or had struggled with eating disorders has some recovery tips for me.
Thank you.
I apologise for any mistakes, or if my message sounds confusing, I am not a native english speaker. I'd appreaciate if anyone who is struggling or had struggled with eating disorders has some recovery tips for me.
Thank you.