Knowing life is not worth living but cruising along anyway

[murmur]

Anybody in this boat. Im not exactly someone who has "recovered" but i am cruising. Speaking for myself, it is an eternal fact that life is not worth living, though im no longer thinking about when the next ideal time is to ctb. I'm fine with this stasis, I know how to distance myself, how I'll ctb, and that doesn't butt-heads with making long term goals again and planning to live a while. Granted, i do still feel the weight of the fact in my daily life, sometimes it feels as though that I'm running from it in desperation, when i let it catch up to me, i feel that overwhelming urge to make the next reasonable step. Apart from that, I'm not scared to live, not scared to die.