Time to Fight Back

[Daydream Believer]

I joined this site a couple of months back because I was seriously thinking of CTB. I carefully studied all the methods and read all the latest posts and related to all the people who were desperate to escape the nightmare know as life.

I had been destroyed by someone I trusted and they broke my mind as well as my heart. CTB, wasn't easy as we all know but my main problem was that as a single dad I have a young son and a rescue dog who have no one in the world except me.

I really was struggling. I had withdrawn from the world and sat alone in my bedroom most of the time. But I wasn't alone because Pain sat with me. I kept pushing him away but eventually I made friends with him. We argued, shouted, laughed and cried together. Then we journeyed as best friends on a quest to discover why I had lost my mind.

Slowly I was enlightened to find some answers so am feeling a bit more optimistic.

I am living on a picture perfect tropical island after fleeing the north of England. I'm a published author so have been writing like a madman to publish a couple of books. I will eat only fruit for the month if June and will hit the gym at the same time. I am trying to bounce back. It is never easy because in the blink of an eye I can be hit by a tsunami of sorrow.

Hopefully this attempt to get better may inspire some of you.

Love and Light from a madcap dreamer

 

[onlyconsciousness]

what do you write?

 

[Daydream Believer]

Memoirs of my mad life. Adventures around the world. Raw and real. Happiness and sadness. Life and death. Despair and hope. Spirituality, love , lust, in fact anything that pops into my skull. I self published my first book and sold about 7000 copies. Just finishing two more books. Written articles for magazine. Just make enough to live from hand to mouth in paradise.

 

[onlyconsciousness]

ah, sounds interesting, it's a shame you can't show or link to your texts here as it would give easy hints to your identity. i wish you all the best anyway. sounds like writing is one thing that keeps you alive.

 

[Spectre]

why only fruit? you need all four food groups

 

[Daydream Believer]

ah, sounds interesting, it's a shame you can't show or link to your texts here as it would give easy hints to your identity. i wish you all the best anyway. sounds like writing is one thing that keeps you alive.

Something, I wrote this morning. Unedited, but you get the idea
****

Pain gazed into the depths of my sorrowful, tormented and confused eyes, and sighed, "Syd, the brutal truth is that you are dying of a broken heart."

I must admit, Pain's conclusion knocked the stuffing out of me. I responded by saying, "Leave it out, mate; yes, I am hurting and messed up, but let's not get carried away. I mean, nobody really dies from a broken heart, do they? They deal with the anguish as time works its magic, typically bringing complete healing, though occasionally leaving scars that never fade."

"I've suffered four broken hearts, yet each one has fully healed. I can look back without feeling hurt or remorseful, and I bear no bitterness towards any former partner. Yet, this time around, it is a completely different kettle of fish. Never in my entire life have I experienced suffering like this. I've fallen into a dark, lonely abyss where all hope has been lost. I truly feel as though I am nearing death and am ready to give up the ghost. It just doesn't make sense. I'm all ears; please tell me more."

Pain clasped my trembling hand and whispered, "Isn't it a strange twist of fate, my friend? Against all odds, you defied medical science and emerged victorious from your battle with stage four cancer. Your unbelievable strength, as well as the power of your pure love, made the impossible possible. Like a newborn phoenix, you rose from the ashes of a certain death. proving that miracles do happen."

He went on, "Dying from a broken heart? Nah, that's a rare occurrence, mate. As a result, only a tiny percentage of people truly pass away because of a broken heart. But when you ultimately chose to unlock that tightly sealed heart of yours after seven long years, you exposed yourself to vulnerability." Oh, the inhumane spin of fate when you find out that your soulmate isn't your true love. It broke your heart and destroyed your mind."

"You, heroically, are one of the very few people to have overcome a terminal cancer diagnosis. Yet tragically, you are one of the very few people who are dying from a broken heart. It just isn't fair, is it, Syd? You really didn't deserve that, did you?"

I held onto Pain's hand, squeezing it tighter, and retorted, "In my opinion, it's just utter bollocks. I've moved on from aching for the woman. That fairytale is over. The unhappy ending has come to a close. Yet, my love for her was, is, and always will be so pure and true. That is not a weakness or stupidity; that is my remarkable strength.

I've set her free from the depths of my heart, and I sincerely hope she finds nothing but the best. If destiny brings her to her true love, I'll rejoice in her good fortune, for she's weathered enough sorrow and grief to deserve a blissful conclusion. So why the fuck am I dying from a broken heart? I really am bewildered. Please tell me why."

Pain gazed deeply into my eyes and said, "Syd, it seems you're totally dumbfounded, but the answer lies right in front of you, if only you'd open your eyes." Oh, it's more than just a lady's sting, you are not dying of a broken heart because of her. "It goes far beyond the surface; it is much deeper and darker than that, my dear Syd."

Pain hugged me, murmuring, "Prepare to reunite with an old friend who will unveil the truth." See that guy who's just hanging around in the corner of the room?

As I peered over to the corner of the room, a flood of astonishment washed over me as Death himself stood there, dressed in black. I spread my arms wide and announced, "Hello, darkness, my old mate; I've been dying to meet you once more."

Like a bolt of lightning, he darted into my embrace, locking me in a tight and heartfelt hug. With a shadowy gaze, his empty eyes locked onto mine, and with a wry smile, he uttered, "I've been eagerly waiting to take you for a very long time, my soulless friend."

 

[losersclub]

This is a big accomplishment! Keep it up, your son must be so proud of you.

 

[Daydream Believer]

This is a big accomplishment! Keep it up, your son must be so proud of you.

Thank you

why only fruit? you need all four food groups

I like to go fruit only for a month at least once a year. It really helps me to detoxify my body. I always feel better afterwards. Thanks

 

[Daydream Believer]

why only fruit? you need all four food groups

I like to go fruit only for a month at least once a year. It really helps me to detoxify my body. I always feel better afterwards. Thanks