Thoughts,opinions,with lots of questions

[evilnkaa]

Do you ever wonder how fast it would be for you to be forgotten once you ctb?
Or if you were truly remembered? If people said they miss you but when you are gone don't really miss you? Does that make any sense…? Hm,, Why is it so hard to calm the thoughts when they are racing? I sat in bed deep breath in and out counting trying to center my mind on the repetitions. Counting, breathing, counting, exhaling… It was unsuccessful. My mind was continuously racing while I was in agony. I've thought to myself a lot that ctb would give me a break from my brain but haven't made any successful attempts because of always giving myself and the 911 operators a 50/50 chance and I guess fate is wanting me to continue so I'm stuck on this cruel world.

 

[Salkak]

I honestly don't care about being remembered. I just wanna end my suffering. But my relations with family trap me here

 

[SoulCage]

I know these questions very well. When I try to answer them I think about the people/pets I lost in the past. It was hurtful in the beginning, but time does a really good job healing those wounds. Now I remember them in good faith. I am happy that they bring me good memories. But do I miss that I am not able to spend time with them again? No. It's just a story from the past.
I do believe that there are some exceptions. Me for example, I have a loving boyfriend that has been with me for 15 years. We started dating when I was still in a good place before adult life became too complicated. We kinda live in symbiosis, he helps me to make existence bearable. I don't think I would ever be able to live without him. And he is also the main reason why I can still endure the pain and exhaustion that I can't seem to manage (even with him lol).
I hope my rambling gives you some perspective and hopefully more to think about (but in a good way).

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do wonder about it sometimes. I don't personally believe we exist after death to know either way so- it's more about what would be best for those left behind. I suppose my ego likes the idea that I might be remembered kindly by some people. It's maybe hurtful to think everyone would just move on immediately but then- surely, that's better for them. It would be awful to imagine our actions could permanently alter someone else's life.