basically, relationship with me bf got distant and then crashed and burned
both my ex and i are severely mentally ill, and he has a fucking shotgun
i would feel utterly horrible if he did that shit (it's not 90% if it's motherfucking buckshot!!), he's got much more potential and many more reasons to live than i've ever had. he has many more ambitions than me, a massive capability and downright skill in learnin shit, overall a lovely lad and he's kinda tanking because, as it turns out, i'm just about as good as a knife to the liver. horrid while it's there, potentially deadly if removed. i've done that to a lot of people and i feel horrible about it, but i've doubtless affected him the most.
wondering where to go, what to do, and how to keep him from killing himself, because he genuinely does not deserve to die. i'm debatable (despite a horrid pattern of behavior), but there's no questions asked bout him.
currently a tired and derealized wreck, once reality hits i'll probably snap and either nearly kill myself or do it downright, unsure tbh. the future went from somewhat clear to 5 ft. of visibility, in weather terms, and i fucking hate it.
also, my planned suicide methods actually won't work! the fungicide and neem oil are too diluted to kill me, they're ready-to-use rather than concentrate. at least i didn't waste them, they ain't the cheapest things around.
both my ex and i are severely mentally ill, and he has a fucking shotgun
i would feel utterly horrible if he did that shit (it's not 90% if it's motherfucking buckshot!!), he's got much more potential and many more reasons to live than i've ever had. he has many more ambitions than me, a massive capability and downright skill in learnin shit, overall a lovely lad and he's kinda tanking because, as it turns out, i'm just about as good as a knife to the liver. horrid while it's there, potentially deadly if removed. i've done that to a lot of people and i feel horrible about it, but i've doubtless affected him the most.
wondering where to go, what to do, and how to keep him from killing himself, because he genuinely does not deserve to die. i'm debatable (despite a horrid pattern of behavior), but there's no questions asked bout him.
currently a tired and derealized wreck, once reality hits i'll probably snap and either nearly kill myself or do it downright, unsure tbh. the future went from somewhat clear to 5 ft. of visibility, in weather terms, and i fucking hate it.
also, my planned suicide methods actually won't work! the fungicide and neem oil are too diluted to kill me, they're ready-to-use rather than concentrate. at least i didn't waste them, they ain't the cheapest things around.
