I've been wanting to commit suicide on and off since 2002. I have attempted dozens of times. I've been active on this website on and off on different accounts for several years. I try to turn to this website whenever I'm at my worst so that I can have hope of escaping the situation that I'm in somehow, because unfortunately there is no escape to a better life available for me other than killing myself.
But every single time I come on here looking for methods I end up dealing with people who are hateful, bigoted, transphobic, and people threatening to dox me and send welfare checks to my house, but whenever I ask on how to ban them or I try to seek help from mods I am threatened with getting banned.
My life outside of the internet is fucking horrible enough as it is. I'm severely disabled and in an abusive relationship with two kids who absolutely fucking hate me, no job, no money, no Independence, no freedom, no hope for anything to ever get better. Whenever I have the worst fucking days of my life the only hope that I have for any type of fucking relief is to come on to this website and pray that I will find a suicide method that will actually fucking work this time and instead I just get farther and farther and hopelessness and depression and feeling like there is no way out.
For a website that is supposed to be about helping people who are suicidal find the best options for their situation rather than just pushing them into a psych ward, but I get more depressed dealing with the people on this website than I do from my own personal problems.
All I fucking want from this website is just to be able to euthanize myself because I should have fucking died 18 years ago and I've been living in constant pain since stuck with people who fucking treat me like garbage every single day and tell me to kill myself and tell me how much they hate me and I have nothing to fucking live for and nothing to hope for and no escape. I can't even fucking walk without a walker or crutches. I spend a huge amount of my time either in bed or in a fucking wheelchair. I'm tired of people telling me that I need to just go to a fucking mental hospital and that all be fucking fixed, I'm tired of people telling me that there's no point in committing suicide because all of the methods that are available to me won't work.
I'm literally desperate enough to the point where I just wish I could find someone who wants to murder someone and just sign a legal contract that they could murder me with my consent so that I can just die and not have to fucking struggle anymore and not have to come on this stupid fucking website anymore and deal with mods threatening to ban me just for reporting something that isn't even allowed on the fucking website and reminders that I am forced to be alive whether I fucking want to or not.
If anyone on here knows how to get something free and easily available in the northeastern United States that can kill me without me needing to stand up because I can't fucking stand up on my own, I would really appreciate it because I'm really tired of failing to kill myself and then coming back on this website to see messages that I'm going to get banned and that I'm going to get sent to a fucking psychiatric hospital whenever the messages were sent the day after I already went in.
But every single time I come on here looking for methods I end up dealing with people who are hateful, bigoted, transphobic, and people threatening to dox me and send welfare checks to my house, but whenever I ask on how to ban them or I try to seek help from mods I am threatened with getting banned.
My life outside of the internet is fucking horrible enough as it is. I'm severely disabled and in an abusive relationship with two kids who absolutely fucking hate me, no job, no money, no Independence, no freedom, no hope for anything to ever get better. Whenever I have the worst fucking days of my life the only hope that I have for any type of fucking relief is to come on to this website and pray that I will find a suicide method that will actually fucking work this time and instead I just get farther and farther and hopelessness and depression and feeling like there is no way out.
For a website that is supposed to be about helping people who are suicidal find the best options for their situation rather than just pushing them into a psych ward, but I get more depressed dealing with the people on this website than I do from my own personal problems.
All I fucking want from this website is just to be able to euthanize myself because I should have fucking died 18 years ago and I've been living in constant pain since stuck with people who fucking treat me like garbage every single day and tell me to kill myself and tell me how much they hate me and I have nothing to fucking live for and nothing to hope for and no escape. I can't even fucking walk without a walker or crutches. I spend a huge amount of my time either in bed or in a fucking wheelchair. I'm tired of people telling me that I need to just go to a fucking mental hospital and that all be fucking fixed, I'm tired of people telling me that there's no point in committing suicide because all of the methods that are available to me won't work.
I'm literally desperate enough to the point where I just wish I could find someone who wants to murder someone and just sign a legal contract that they could murder me with my consent so that I can just die and not have to fucking struggle anymore and not have to come on this stupid fucking website anymore and deal with mods threatening to ban me just for reporting something that isn't even allowed on the fucking website and reminders that I am forced to be alive whether I fucking want to or not.
If anyone on here knows how to get something free and easily available in the northeastern United States that can kill me without me needing to stand up because I can't fucking stand up on my own, I would really appreciate it because I'm really tired of failing to kill myself and then coming back on this website to see messages that I'm going to get banned and that I'm going to get sent to a fucking psychiatric hospital whenever the messages were sent the day after I already went in.
