KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,797
This may come as a shock to pro-lifers but this forum is probably the only reason I have not ctb yet. Thank you Marquis, RainAndSadness, and all the other mods for providing a space where individuals can freely express ourselves and our thoughts towards suicide and the ethics of such a decision.
Before I stumbled across the original subreddit in 2017/2018, I would have most definitely gravitated towards dangerous and harmful methods that would have further damaged my health in the long term.
I was a naive 18 year old, and all of the suicide prevention organizations tell you is, "Don't do it!" rather than the consequences of failure and the types of damage that certain methods may cause, because you are not allowed to speak about it.
Discussing suicide methods is banned on nearly every platform, so often people receive information that is obscufated and purposefully left vague to try and scare you.
Yet the consequences of this mean that everyday people will make botched attempts that have serious consequences. They won't tell you how hanging can leave you with brain damage. They won't tell you overdoses often leave you with organ failure and liver damage that will cause nothing but agony.
Knowing that I have a way out is freeing to me. Becoming educated about the dangers of botched attempts has prevented me from taking stupid and impulsive actions. Knowledge is power, and by having a wealth of information at my disposal, I feel more in control of my life, and by extension, my death.
I believe it should be a human right for all consenting adults to make our own decisions about our own self-determined mortality, and as long as the right to die is not an option, those who truly wish to exit will always seek out information and they will find it regardless of whether or not this forum exists.
Sometimes, a person's situation does not improve. You should try everything in your power to try to fix what is ailing you, but there are quite a few problems in this world that do not have a solution. Forums like Exit International do not let people under 50 join, and that is problematic to those of us in our 20s, 30s, and even 40s who are suffering from insurmountable issues. Having a place to vent, share our stories, and interact with people who don't treat us like pariahs has actually improved my wellbeing and the wellbeing of many others on this forum who have expressed their gratitude.
I am deeply sorry for people who have lost loved ones who were forum members. However, it is not the existence of this website that is to blame. People do not randomly stumble across ctb discussions, they seek them out when they want answers. People are not forced to join this site or view it, they come of their own accord because they had thoughts of wanting to ctb before they ever knew this place existed.
I understand that grief is painful. Many family members of mine died via ctb, a close friend of mine did as well, many family members and acquaintances I know have attempted, sometimes multiple times. When I was younger, I couldn't fully understand why they would do such a thing, despite having suicidal ideation myself since age 12, but as I have gotten older and been through similar issues, it opened my eyes to how much those people were suffering.
I watched my father put a gun to his head when I was only 10 years old, so trust me, I know that ctb often effects other people because I have been seeing people die throughout my entire life.
My friend who ctb was the same age as me, both of us 18 years old at the time of her death. At first glance, you would have thought she made an impulsive decision and it made no sense that she would want to leave this world.
For awhile, I asked myself if there was anything I could have done to help her. Then I found out more about her predicament and realized not only did she have emotionally abusive family members who constantly threatened her with homelessness, but she was stuck doing a degree she hated, in an institution she hated, and bad actors pretty much controlled her entire life.
It is not my place nor anyone else's to speculate whether or not things would have improved for her, but I imagine she felt incredibly hopeless. When people are gone, we cannot bring them back. I have accepted her death and realised there was nothing I nor anyone else could have done to make her life easier due to the grip others held on her circumstances.
It is tragic. It is sad. Yet I do not blame her or others for the fact that she is gone. That would be illogical and wrong. Anger will not bring back the departed. The fact of the matter is, when someone is hellbent on taking their own life, you cannot stop them.
I agree that young teenagers should not be here and they are too young to make a rational decision about this issue, but that is why there is an age requirement to join the site, and fundamentally it is not the responsibility of the admins to block access to people viewing the site, parents have the responsibility to monitor the sort of content that their child is viewing if said individual is a minor. Once people become members, then it is possible to ban them from the site if there is suspicion they are under aged.
Every site with explicit content has similar rules. Websites with sexual content or adult themes will have similar disclaimers saying you must be 18 to enter, but these websites cannot prevent a minor from lying their way in and accessing the page. Only parents or guardians can.
On another note, not everyone here is suffering from a temporary rough spell that can be conquered. Many of us have been burnt and further damaged by the mental health industry, hotlines, involuntarily psychiatric hospitalizations and "wellness checks." Many of the members here, myself included, have dehabilitating physical or mental illnesses that have not responded to treatment and are incurable. Some members have terminal illnesses and live in countries where euthanasia is illegal. A lot of us have no family and no friends to lean on for support. I literally have no one except a partner who gets upset at me for being unable to function or be happy.
We are not insane. We are not suffering from cognitive distortions and abnormal patterns of thought clouding our judgements. Seriously, if you had to suffer from chronic fatigue, chronic pain, IBS, autism, ptsd, and tmj every single goddamn day of your life, would you enjoy it? Would you find it worthwhile? I cannot enjoy the majority of things that would make life worth living, and feel trapped because there is no way out and most people won't understand. I am 21 years old. I should not be forced to suffer for several more decades against my will.
This forum has allowed me to converse with people who truly understand. No platitudes, no bullshit, no gaslighting or lying to me about things getting better, just pure, unfiltered honesty. It is refreshing. It is a breath of fresh air. Everywhere else I will be told to keep trying even though I've taken over 17 different drugs, many supplements, lifestyle changes, 10+ years of therapists, experimental treatments like psychedelics, and have made no improvements. Then they blame you and say you didn't try hard enough.
I cannot talk about my problems on support groups for my illnesses, because one of the mods there said, and I quote, "Even if we know there will be no cure for chronic fatigue anytime soon, it is not good for morale to talk about the extent to which you are disabled and your condition is deteriorating. People need to have hope, and saying these things doesn't give them hope." Every other place on the Internet forces you to lie and give in until you agree with their platitudes. Here, I can be my true and honest self. Ironically, this has made me postpone my desire for ctb.
As long as society silences us, we will find outlets where we can speak our minds and converse freely on this subject. As long as society treats disabled people like the shit on their shoes, many of us will wish for a way out of a listless existence. As long as treatments for many chronic illnesses do not exist, we will search for ways to escape the pain. As long as life torments and scars us, we will long for death. And as long as the world refuses to have uncomfortable and honest conversations regarding death, we will have to hide away and share our thoughts on these forums.
Before I stumbled across the original subreddit in 2017/2018, I would have most definitely gravitated towards dangerous and harmful methods that would have further damaged my health in the long term.
I was a naive 18 year old, and all of the suicide prevention organizations tell you is, "Don't do it!" rather than the consequences of failure and the types of damage that certain methods may cause, because you are not allowed to speak about it.
Discussing suicide methods is banned on nearly every platform, so often people receive information that is obscufated and purposefully left vague to try and scare you.
Yet the consequences of this mean that everyday people will make botched attempts that have serious consequences. They won't tell you how hanging can leave you with brain damage. They won't tell you overdoses often leave you with organ failure and liver damage that will cause nothing but agony.
Knowing that I have a way out is freeing to me. Becoming educated about the dangers of botched attempts has prevented me from taking stupid and impulsive actions. Knowledge is power, and by having a wealth of information at my disposal, I feel more in control of my life, and by extension, my death.
I believe it should be a human right for all consenting adults to make our own decisions about our own self-determined mortality, and as long as the right to die is not an option, those who truly wish to exit will always seek out information and they will find it regardless of whether or not this forum exists.
Sometimes, a person's situation does not improve. You should try everything in your power to try to fix what is ailing you, but there are quite a few problems in this world that do not have a solution. Forums like Exit International do not let people under 50 join, and that is problematic to those of us in our 20s, 30s, and even 40s who are suffering from insurmountable issues. Having a place to vent, share our stories, and interact with people who don't treat us like pariahs has actually improved my wellbeing and the wellbeing of many others on this forum who have expressed their gratitude.
I am deeply sorry for people who have lost loved ones who were forum members. However, it is not the existence of this website that is to blame. People do not randomly stumble across ctb discussions, they seek them out when they want answers. People are not forced to join this site or view it, they come of their own accord because they had thoughts of wanting to ctb before they ever knew this place existed.
I understand that grief is painful. Many family members of mine died via ctb, a close friend of mine did as well, many family members and acquaintances I know have attempted, sometimes multiple times. When I was younger, I couldn't fully understand why they would do such a thing, despite having suicidal ideation myself since age 12, but as I have gotten older and been through similar issues, it opened my eyes to how much those people were suffering.
I watched my father put a gun to his head when I was only 10 years old, so trust me, I know that ctb often effects other people because I have been seeing people die throughout my entire life.
My friend who ctb was the same age as me, both of us 18 years old at the time of her death. At first glance, you would have thought she made an impulsive decision and it made no sense that she would want to leave this world.
For awhile, I asked myself if there was anything I could have done to help her. Then I found out more about her predicament and realized not only did she have emotionally abusive family members who constantly threatened her with homelessness, but she was stuck doing a degree she hated, in an institution she hated, and bad actors pretty much controlled her entire life.
It is not my place nor anyone else's to speculate whether or not things would have improved for her, but I imagine she felt incredibly hopeless. When people are gone, we cannot bring them back. I have accepted her death and realised there was nothing I nor anyone else could have done to make her life easier due to the grip others held on her circumstances.
It is tragic. It is sad. Yet I do not blame her or others for the fact that she is gone. That would be illogical and wrong. Anger will not bring back the departed. The fact of the matter is, when someone is hellbent on taking their own life, you cannot stop them.
I agree that young teenagers should not be here and they are too young to make a rational decision about this issue, but that is why there is an age requirement to join the site, and fundamentally it is not the responsibility of the admins to block access to people viewing the site, parents have the responsibility to monitor the sort of content that their child is viewing if said individual is a minor. Once people become members, then it is possible to ban them from the site if there is suspicion they are under aged.
Every site with explicit content has similar rules. Websites with sexual content or adult themes will have similar disclaimers saying you must be 18 to enter, but these websites cannot prevent a minor from lying their way in and accessing the page. Only parents or guardians can.
On another note, not everyone here is suffering from a temporary rough spell that can be conquered. Many of us have been burnt and further damaged by the mental health industry, hotlines, involuntarily psychiatric hospitalizations and "wellness checks." Many of the members here, myself included, have dehabilitating physical or mental illnesses that have not responded to treatment and are incurable. Some members have terminal illnesses and live in countries where euthanasia is illegal. A lot of us have no family and no friends to lean on for support. I literally have no one except a partner who gets upset at me for being unable to function or be happy.
We are not insane. We are not suffering from cognitive distortions and abnormal patterns of thought clouding our judgements. Seriously, if you had to suffer from chronic fatigue, chronic pain, IBS, autism, ptsd, and tmj every single goddamn day of your life, would you enjoy it? Would you find it worthwhile? I cannot enjoy the majority of things that would make life worth living, and feel trapped because there is no way out and most people won't understand. I am 21 years old. I should not be forced to suffer for several more decades against my will.
This forum has allowed me to converse with people who truly understand. No platitudes, no bullshit, no gaslighting or lying to me about things getting better, just pure, unfiltered honesty. It is refreshing. It is a breath of fresh air. Everywhere else I will be told to keep trying even though I've taken over 17 different drugs, many supplements, lifestyle changes, 10+ years of therapists, experimental treatments like psychedelics, and have made no improvements. Then they blame you and say you didn't try hard enough.
I cannot talk about my problems on support groups for my illnesses, because one of the mods there said, and I quote, "Even if we know there will be no cure for chronic fatigue anytime soon, it is not good for morale to talk about the extent to which you are disabled and your condition is deteriorating. People need to have hope, and saying these things doesn't give them hope." Every other place on the Internet forces you to lie and give in until you agree with their platitudes. Here, I can be my true and honest self. Ironically, this has made me postpone my desire for ctb.
As long as society silences us, we will find outlets where we can speak our minds and converse freely on this subject. As long as society treats disabled people like the shit on their shoes, many of us will wish for a way out of a listless existence. As long as treatments for many chronic illnesses do not exist, we will search for ways to escape the pain. As long as life torments and scars us, we will long for death. And as long as the world refuses to have uncomfortable and honest conversations regarding death, we will have to hide away and share our thoughts on these forums.
Last edited:
