Discussion This peace and happiness!

[Heart Shards]

Despite the inner turmoil I have felt for most of my life, I finally feel peace and happiness. Taking my life no longer seems sad or anxiety ridden. I feel like everything is well with the world, well with myself. Is this the universe telling me it's time for me to leave? Death no longer scares me. I thought I would share my feelings and get opinions. Can anyone relate? Thanks, Willow!

 

[Empty Smile]

That peace you feel, is your inner-self finding peace with your decision. I've had my peace for some time, now I just need to carry through with it.

 

[Ryath]

My previous years used to be riddled with anxiety and fear, but I have never felt calmer than the most recent months. A lot of the time, people that I have not seen in many years have commented on how calming I can be - I partly think this is due to myself finding inner-peace and my acceptance of my own mortality.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yeah I actually considered making a similar thread earlier today with some words of wisdom but I guess I can share them here. I am comitting suicide Monday or Tuesday and I used to get very anxious when thinking about it but earlier today I just somehow made peace with it and instead of thinking of all the things I never got to experience I happily think about my amazing years in my childhood and all the exciting things I experienced in my teens.

I guess it´s like an 80 year old laying on their death bed thinking how they lived a good life and now is the time and they peacefully go, if that makes sense.

 

[dyingtodie]

Personally, suicidality has been a driving force towards greater inner peace, and acceptance for me.

However, I still am really sad about leaving, because, all is NOT right with the world. Capitalism has destroyed our planet. That is one of the main reasons I am leaving. It is not possible for me to actualize myself here. And that's a mega bummer because I'm 31, fit, smart, skillful and I love myself. But my nervous system is too sensitive to the noise of industry surrounding me daily and the EMFs bombarding me from every angle.

But I think this is a very good sign! And I am happy for those who have found peace and have accepted their death. It really is amazing for me in a way. It's like I get to live though I'm functionally already dead. Nothing can really hurt me...except capture and torture which I sometimes fear as fascism is taking over.

There's great un-peace in me though. Because, like taking out the garbage or doing boring homework, I have this dreadful task ahead of me which I just can't look in the face for too long without seriously scaring the bejeezus out of myself and feeling terribly alone. I keep telling myself it's just something I'll do when the time is right, and it will be in the flow, and it will be actually peaceful and pleasant to partially hang...and so to not worry. But I'm too tired these days to live...and too scared and stubborn to do the deed.

 

[lululoo]

Yeah, I can somewhat relate. I have felt somewhat happy the past few days because I am gaining confidence that I will go through with it. I am accepting that it needs to happen and I am happy at the thought that it will happen before I get really old or disabled. I am also looking back at my childhood/teenage memories and feeling less self-hatred. I feel that I did what I could with what I was given, and I just wasn't given what a child needs. I could have ended up so much more than this. But I am what I am. And I don't deserve to suffer.

I also no longer condemn myself as much for my chronic illness. I think it is real, and fuck all the doctors who think it's just my stress/depression.