Venting This is what happens when you don’t reach your dreams in life:

[MeltingHeart]

I always wanted to do a little more writing - to achieve more academically- I even think I might have had the potential- to do better at the very least- even if I could not excel. Now I am using my over active/ searching mind to write pre- suicide thoughts-how did this happen? :( many of these folded are about 20 pages thick. I have another small bag full too.

 

[NordNihilist]

I always wanted to do a little more writing - to achieve more academically- I even think I might have had the potential- to do better at the very least- even if I could not excel. Now I am using my over active/ searching mind to write pre- suicide thoughts-how did this happen? :( many of these folded are about 20 pages think. I have another small bag full too.

Have you thought about writing a book maybe? Might give you purpose for a while.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Have you thought about writing a book maybe? Might give you purpose for a while.

Id rather not around for long enough to write a book sadly. My attention span is pretty shot. I can only think about pretty woeful things.

 

[Final Escape]

It's too much work lol! You gotta have discipline and your habits need to change in order to write a book. It's consistency over a long period. That's how u get a book done not that I know I've never done it lol!

 

[UninformedLover]

Have you thought about writing poetry?

 

[MeltingHeart]

Have you thought about writing poetry?

I used to a little bit but part of how I am feeling is that I have lost the desire to do anything at all/ don't enjoy any activity at all- it's the most awful feeling in the world :(

 

[UninformedLover]

I used to a little bit but part of how I am feeling is that I have lost the desire to do anything at all/ don't enjoy any activity at all- it's the most awful feeling in the world :(

Gosh I know exactly how you feel. Nobody ever realizes how soul crushing that feeling is.

Not enjoying things hurts it really does. You tell someone that and they just say " Oh have you tried abc" and its like "No literally nothing is fun. Not a thing." Its like in a world filled with flavor everything just taste like unsalted boiled potatoes.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Gosh I know exactly how you feel. Nobody ever realizes how soul crushing that feeling is.

Not enjoying things hurts it really does. You tell someone that and they just say " Oh have you tried abc" and its like "No literally nothing is fun. Not a thing." Its like in a world filled with flavor everything just taste like unsalted boiled potatoes.
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Yes! That's a really good analogy & the thing is I used to be interested in SO many things & get excited about literally the smallest things- like I didn't have to grand adventures or anything - but also I was not the kind of person that could handle just going to work, gym, beers & watch tv or something- I always needed to be & did take in as much culture as I could - art, films, music, history, science, books, records, food (from around the world), nature, comedy, etc all these things gave me SO much joy & apprecition for life - it's gone- totally gone! I can't belive it - this must be up there in the most severe type of breakdown a person can ever have. Time to ctb :(

 

[UninformedLover]

It's so interesting how the happiest of people can suddenly turn to the complete opposite.

I constantly wonder - Where did the passion go? Feeling this way is a like a reoccurring nightmare.

 

[MeltingHeart]

It's so interesting how the happiest of people can suddenly turn to the complete opposite.

I constantly wonder - Where did the passion go? Feeling this way is a like a reoccurring nightmare.

Yeah it's pretty mental- like I had problems for sure - but I was what you could call happy go lucky, care free (ish), kinda positive, joyful type person just over a year a go. But i fell apart and can only see ctb as a way out now! So bizarre & tragic. I do feel like I'm in a nightmare or an alternate reality where it all went very wrong for me. It almost doesn't seem real - but at the same time only to painfully real. :(

 

[UninformedLover]

Yeah it's pretty mental- like I had problems for sure - but I was what you could call happy go lucky, care free (ish), kinda positive, joyful type person just over a year a go. But i fell apart and can only see ctb as a way out now! So bizarre & tragic. I do feel like I'm in a nightmare or an alternate reality where it all went very wrong for me. It almost doesn't seem real - but at the same time only to painfully real. :(

It's very.. "Twilight zone-esque". Ctb really does seem to be the only way to end such a nightmare. There is no cure. When you do go I wish you nothing be eternal peace my friend.

 

[puppy9]

Short stories?

Share one pic of those piece to me. If you don't mind. No pressure.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

I used to have dreams and plans, but most of all I had this trust that things would work out for me. I was never particularly happy or content with my life even before I started thinking about suicide but I had this faith that I would achieve the things I wanted and that kept me going.

I realize now that this faith was unfounded and I'm not really sure where it came from since I only had to look around me to see that not everyone succeeds and gets what they want. I guess I just thought that it would never happen to me and that of course I would succeed. There's always hope of course and anything could happen, but I'm not interested in trying anymore just on the off chance that things might improve.

 

[MeltingHeart]

It's very.. "Twilight zone-esque". Ctb really does seem to be the only way to end such a nightmare. There is no cure. When you do go I wish you nothing be eternal peace my friend.

I love twilight zone btw! U mean the old tv series?

Short stories?

Share one pic of those piece to me. If you don't mind. No pressure.

I could do if u like! Lots to choose from- many of them are pages thick but folded - guess it sure would make an 'interesting' study for a psychiatrist - or not! - could be irrelevant & boring - most likely! They are not exactly short stories btw- they are ALL suicide notes - I just seem to have written slightly more than the norm perhaps. It just all my reasons basically.