This is the appeal I sent to Hinge. I plan to die this week cuz nothing ever works for me

[ChildrensITV]

My appeal to Hinge, banned for harassment:

===
Hi

I know it might seem trivial to many, but the last 1.5 weeks of my life have been hell. I was already a person who suffered with depression and anxiety for over 25 years. OCD made them a constant thought in my head. I was suicidal as a teen. Somehow, I managed to survive by the skin of my teeth but never enough to take me fully out of the woods. I am in therapy.

There is a long story that I am skipping over. Just to bring things up to date:
I am an ugly man. No other apps worked for me. I met with an amazing woman on Hinge: M. We clicked so well. It was one of the best connections I've had in my life. She was my perfect type. She was motivation for me to go to the gym and feel less suicidal about life. We went on date 1 on a Saturday, and clicked, but cuz of my insecurities, when it came to paying the bill, I chose to split it cuz I thought I'd never see her again. She acted colder from that moment but I didn't know why.

In the uber home, I got another match. Rare for me. N. I set up a date with N for the following Tuesday. Later, I had patched things up with M, who thought I wasn't interested cuz I didn't pay the bill. I would send Uber Eats to her house and stuff.

I had a date with N but my heart wasn't in it. I wanted M. While speaking to both, M said she had a friend who turned into an enemy because of a huge argument. A exfriend called N. I thought: No way. Later, N told me about an argument she had with a friend called M. I wish they had not told me any names. I wondered if I should tell M that I went on a date with her exfriend. I asked my friends what to do. One friend said to call it out and be upfront. I wish I had listened to him. I didn't want to call it out to overemphasize the fact that I was still dating other people, which now I know would have been fine.

Things fizzled out with N. I fell in love with M. Date 2 and 3 happened. Over time, I got the sense she had lost interest. I tried a test: Usually I wake up first and say good morning to her. I tried not saying good morning on Thursday. And so we didn't speak the whole day. I tried it on Friday 10th May. We didn't speak Friday, until I did the worst possible thing I could have done around 2:30pm.

I texted M a picture of N and said: "And to think, I picked you over N. When did you lose interest?". She replied with confusion. I regretted it immediately. M said she was going through stuff and so didn't speak to me. M said she couldn't be with someone who would withhold this info and then tell her it in this way. I had lost Milanta. I had learned a lesson that I would never need again in my life!! When does this EVER happen? Especially to a man who struggles to get dates!?


Have you ever thought something is so bad that it can't be real? I kept hoping I would wake up from this nightmare.

I messaged other women, including older matches. This is probably where the harassment came in. I had lost my mind a little. And then I got banned from Hinge just over a week later.

So now, not only have I lost M - something I will never forget - but I lost any ability to speak to women too. I was already waking up with anxiety in my chest from losing M, but now I lost Hinge too. I realize that messaging old matches is harassment now. I keep learning lessons when it's too late to fix them.

I don't know if you know what it's like to wake up from the only peace your soul gets - sleep - only to realize that you're back in the SAME DAY that you went to sleep on. Everything is the same. There is no fresh start. You can't make the new day good. It is one of the worst feelings in the world.

I am begging for a warning and my account back. But even so, I am not sure why cuz I lost M. This Saturday is a family gathering. After that, I will be going to a hotel with Sodium Nitrite to weigh up my options. I've hated life for over 25 years. But now I can't even undo anything. If you would allow me my account back, then I would have to choose life, despite it being a lesser version of it without Milanta. But if you don't, then I guess that makes my decision easier. This week, I will be giving my family passwords and accounts. The anxiety in my chest since Friday 10th is more than I can cope with.

I know you take reports seriously and lifetime bans are the result. I feel like I am on a lifetime ban in all areas of my life. I can't take this life anymore and just wanted you to know my situation before Sunday 26th May 2024. After that, I might just have to call it quits on this life.

Thanks for reading

===

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I don't think this is going to get you your account back.

 

[ChildrensITV]

Thanks for being realistic. I am desperate not to have to die. This last week was the last straw. I was walking away from suicide just 2 weeks ago.

 

[DepressedDude]

Why not make another account?

I also have that same feeling you described of waking up and everyday is the same, 7 months so far.

 

[notherenotnow]

I dont really see why the mods would give you back your old account. You acted like an asshole and theres no proof you wont act like that again, so they wont trust you enough to allow you to get your account back. Make a new account or forget about that whole app, cause it seems like it only affects you badly.

 

[ChildrensITV]

I dont really see why the mods would give you back your old account. You acted like an asshole and theres no proof you wont act like that again, so they wont trust you enough to allow you to get your account back. Make a new account or forget about that whole app, cause it seems like it only affects you badly.

That was off the app. The thing I did wrong was message old matches who were not interested.

Why not make another account?

I also have that same feeling you described of waking up and everyday is the same, 7 months so far.

You can't do ban-evasion. They have very sophisticated ways to tell. Also, I don't want to evade. I want to learn a lesson and move forward.

I dont really see why the mods would give you back your old account. You acted like an asshole and theres no proof you wont act like that again, so they wont trust you enough to allow you to get your account back. Make a new account or forget about that whole app, cause it seems like it only affects you badly.

I don't know why you are so harsh on me. I am just looking for love. If a woman doesn't want to speak to me, I respect that and she can block me. But why report my account? I don't think M reported me for harassment cuz I went on one date with her exfriend without knowing. I am curious to why you think I was an asshole. I'm not a good person but everything I do wrong is without malice. I am just very clumsy.

 

[notherenotnow]

But why report my account?

I dunno, maybe because you sent her a photo of a person she was mad at and wrote that you shouldnt have chosen her? Talking like that is not only annoiyng as fuck, but also incredibly childish and selfish.
You acting like that cleary hurt her, so its not really suprising that she reported your account. Some people have empathy and dont want others to be hurt.
I can tell that youre distressed about this whole situation, but i dont know what you were expecting to happen.

 

[ChildrensITV]

I dunno, maybe because you sent her a photo of a person she was mad at and wrote that you shouldnt have chosen her? Talking like that is not only annoiyng as fuck, but also incredibly childish and selfish.
You acting like that cleary hurt her, so its not really suprising that she reported your account. Some people have empathy and dont want others to be hurt.
I can tell that youre distressed about this whole situation, but i dont know what you were expecting to happen.

Maybe you're right. I deserve everything that I am getting. That's what hurts. I just wish I could undo my mistakes. The only way to undo my mistakes is to undo myself. Sorry if I came across angry. I am just anxious and depressed.

 

[jar-baby]

I want to learn a lesson and move forward.

It sounds like you have learnt a lesson and I agree you should move forward. I suggest you do that by forgetting about this app altogether. I'm sorry but I don't think this appeal will be received well, if it's acknowledged at all.

The only way to undo my mistakes is to undo myself.

You can't undo your mistakes but you can learn from them and move onward.

 

[ChildrensITV]

I dunno, maybe because you sent her a photo of a person she was mad at and wrote that you shouldnt have chosen her? Talking like that is not only annoiyng as fuck, but also incredibly childish and selfish.
You acting like that cleary hurt her, so its not really suprising that she reported your account. Some people have empathy and dont want others to be hurt.
I can tell that youre distressed about this whole situation, but i dont know what you were expecting to happen.

I don't know if she reported my account because she unmatched me pretty quickly and it would be fair if they got both sides of the story. This would mean that anyone could report you without proof (unless she sent them a SS of what I said? I don't think she would go to those lengths). These apps have a hard line on protecting women from harm and abuse. That's one of the reasons you can't send pictures. I understand that they take reports seriously but it seems like the reporter's word takes precedence. I think if I got a warning from Hinge and lost M, that would be a harsh enough lesson. But to block me from the only app that I can ever get a match on is severe.

But then again, maybe is all is right with the world cuz this is the ending I deserve. I can't live with this regret of ruining my own life worse than it was before. I hope you know that I will go to my grave regretting that day. Even if I got my account back, which won't happen, this is the worst thing I've ever done. I acted on impulse and turned my life upside down. You don't need to tell me how stupid I was. I wake up and within 0 seconds, I feel the anxiety and regret. It feels like a nightmare that I can't get out of.

 

[rozeske]

It's not always the case but sometimes people don't take threatening suicide very well and might make them act the opposite. Have you tried to see your will to live beyond that app or that woman? It might be worth considering.

 

[willitpass]

Threatening suicide to an apps customer service system over your own actions with women is not going to do anything other than get you an email with a suicide hotline. It's probably time to step away from the dating scene for awhile and work on yourself first. It's seems quite apparent that you become quickly and strongly attached and have trouble with impulse control when you get upset. That is not how you find women and it's definitely not how you form a healthy, long lasting relationship. Therapy, self reflection, and time to learn and grow as a person before trying to get into a relationship would set you up for better success finding a relationship in the future when you're in the headspace to do it if that's what you wish.

 

[ChildrensITV]

You're right. I was stupid and I will have to live with that for as long as I can. @willitpass @rozeske

Thanks for the tough love.

 

[willitpass]

You're right. I was stupid and I will have to live with that for as long as I can. @willitpass @rozeske

Thanks for the tough love.

That's not what I said, I understand you're in a heightened state right now, but hopefully when you're feeling a bit better you reread and see that I told you to take time to work on yourself and try again.

 

[rozeske]

You're right. I was stupid and I will have to live with that for as long as I can. @willitpass @rozeske

Thanks for the tough love.

Sometimes we can't help it but we all do things at some point that we are not proud of, we're only humans, in pain and suffering at that. It doesn't make us stupid. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[Fantasy22]

If you have a problem with a person like them not talking to you, usually asking hey are you okay, or what's up or something along the lines of that, without getting to accusatory and personal is the best way. Show interest but make it seem like you won't blow up if they say they aren't interested anymore. People typically like someone who is calm and can be rational. Emotions are good but all the time really overwhelming a person and when you send photos of their friend and insult them is definitely not a way to go. Also maybe the old matches you talked to reported you as well? I'm not sure. As a woman myself, the second someone acts entitled to my time, and petty in any way I immediately lose interest (I know not all women are like that but I'm just showing myself for example). You can try other apps you can create a new account. Overall I think online dating works for a small amount of people most the time for me at least it's always been a dud. While I don't think there's any going back with M at this point, you can hold out hope you get another match in the future, if jsut say learn how to talk to women in a way that isn't cruel or comes off as insecure, that's the quickest way to end things with someone especially if you aren't officially together. I'm not trying to be mean by tje way I'm trying to help. You can use AI to ask/talk to people what to say if you're unsure what to say or want to approach a delicate subject but I wouldn't copy and paste but rewrite it in your own words if you go that route

 

[astonishedturnip]

Threatening suicide to an apps customer service system over your own actions with women is not going to do anything other than get you an email with a suicide hotline. It's probably time to step away from the dating scene for awhile and work on yourself first. It's seems quite apparent that you become quickly and strongly attached and have trouble with impulse control when you get upset. That is not how you find women and it's definitely not how you form a healthy, long lasting relationship. Therapy, self reflection, and time to learn and grow as a person before trying to get into a relationship would set you up for better success finding a relationship in the future when you're in the headspace to do it if that's what you wish.

OP, please read this message a few times.

By your own measure, you went on 3 dates with M. You fell in love before the third date even finished (maybe even the second?). You are now considering ending your life because you can't access the app and your life can only be worse without M.

But... M. was not in your life. You only went on a few dates and she was not interested. You reacted to this disinterest by lashing out at her and badgering old matches (you omitted the content of these messages but I assume they were not productive if you claim you lost your mind) which demonstrated to Hinge that it was not safe to you or users to keep you on the app. And threatening suicide over the decision would make you a danger in their eyes. These apps depend on a female userbase, most women (including myself) have had had multiple unsafe encounters and conversations over the apps, they will not threaten their already-tanking profits and dwindling female proportion by giving a harasser their account back.

Please consider therapy or self-help resources on this forum. Do not CTB, do not try to get into Hinge again, do not try other apps or dating in general right now. There are users here who think any motivation to CTB is a good one but I am not one of them. This would be a mistake... I am Forever Alone and recognize how easy it is to hang your heart on a person, but this is not the answer. You CAN be helped with therapy, inner growth, and meaningful work. But you'll have to make that first step.

 

[Chinaski]

Threatening suicide to an apps customer service system over your own actions with women is not going to do anything other than get you an email with a suicide hotline. It's probably time to step away from the dating scene for awhile and work on yourself first. It's seems quite apparent that you become quickly and strongly attached and have trouble with impulse control when you get upset. That is not how you find women and it's definitely not how you form a healthy, long lasting relationship. Therapy, self reflection, and time to learn and grow as a person before trying to get into a relationship would set you up for better success finding a relationship in the future when you're in the headspace to do it if that's what you wish.

Don't wish to hijack the thread any but all of this person's posts are good, sound, mature, thoughtful. Be more like "willitpass" before you ctb imo.

 

[ChildrensITV]

I agree with everything you said. @astonishedturnip @Fantasy22 @Chinaski

I will just have to accept that my life is different now. I don't eat much. I can't do any hobbies. I can barely talk. But I will just exist as a zombie until something kills me. I know my suicide would hurt people. I will try to sleep as much as I can. I will just have to accept that my life had this fate cuz my own insecurities and impulse-control messed me up. The reassuring thing is that I can't be in pain forever. I have to die naturally sometime, and then none of this will matter.

Thanks everyone for making me see sense. I've been on a rollercoaster these past 2 weeks. I got a bit entitled. Maybe I need to stop having these high-fallutin ideas of dating and just take things back to basics like drinking coffee and looking at sunsets. At least I have music. Also, the less you have in life, the less you can lose.

 

[UKscotty]

That's modern dating for you. Both men and women try out a few people at the same time and figure out whats what.

Forget Hinge and just move onto another.

Messaging women constantly will get annoying and they will think you are needy and distance themselves.

 

[LittleJem]

Hi, I just read this thread and am so sorry you have suffered so much and for so long.

I do think it sounds like you are able to get dates and meet dates. In that case, I would not give up trying but do switch to a different app.

Relationships plus mental illness are a real fucking minefield/rollercoaster of shit. But if you are lucky then you enjoy some of it.

TLDR: don't be too hasty to SN. There is some potential for dating and you might enjoy it...

 

[user127679866]

This sounds like a case of limerence and when the limerent object rejects you and the fantasy ends, I understand how excruciating it can be. I have bpd and having a favorite person is very similar to falling into limerence. Those extreme highs to lows take a toll emotionally but, just know, it will pass and it will even out, and stabilize with time. You can heal from this and im very sorry you're going through this. Im going to attach a link that may help you understand the cause and what you can do to help yourself cope. Take care of yourself. https://livingwithlimerence.com/

Edit: There is also a reddit thread that may help to checkout. So many people experience this and youre not alone.